h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You know you're my hero, don't you, bubster?

*cough* Now that that's out of the way...

The last time I saw you, your head was on the floor and your nose was smooshed into your foot. There was, however, not a speck of dust on you. And not to worry... you can be repaired. You WILL be repaired. I just thought you deserved to know.

*arrives in bubster-fixing gear carrying a screwdriver*

Here to help!

Why aren't you wearing a hat?

We've got to find you a hat, or you'll get hurt.

Ohhhh 'cmon. No one ever lets me work without head gear.

What if I LIKE concussion?!? EH EH!?

Well... well where's your jacket?

And are you TRYING to conjure images of Killcrazy?

Because you SO are.

And you are SO not getting to play with this sledgehammer.

Look,

Are you trying to get me to throw a fit or what? If abrasions and broken limbs are my thing, who are you to nay-say me? Eh? nay sayer I say.

And I really deserve to play with that sledghammer. I really DO.

You can play with the sledgehammer as soon as you put on a hat.

I'm not asking for a hardhat. A fedora will be fine.

Listen, I know normally they're considered kind of snobby, but I'm really in a baret mood. What do you think?

Make sure you pin it on then.

I had wondered what that was - that ... smell thing that was going on there. Now that I realise my nose is smooshed into my foot it all becomes clear. Maybe that explains why I feel so crabby today. But hey, look at the cool new way I can scratch my nose.... *demonstrates*

Heheh.

Awwwww... he doesn't need fixin'. I mean look at him, he's better than ever.

*sulks about it in a baret*

*yoinks Krissy's beret and runs for the hills, only slightly hampered by the whole nose-smooshed-into-foot scenario*

Ah, but is it a raspberry beret? The kind you'd find in a second hand store?

*hops up and down*

Stop him! Stop him! That smooshman just yoinked my violence beret!!!

For God's SAKE SOMBODY STOP HIM!!

Is it possible, nay LIKELY that anyone could stop a smooshman wielding the Beret of Violence?

*ponders*

Oh, right... sorry!

*rushes all willy nilly after bubs, with little regard for personal safety*

*yells "I am not an animal", mostly for effect, you understand, and rushes off in the direction of those mulberry bushes*

*no, not those ones; THOSE ones*

*Sighs and digs around for her "Angry Townsfolk Wielding Torches" torch kit*

The lucky thing is that it includes one great big stick. I can whack AND illuminate.

Reeeesourceful.

*be's hounded*

*sighs and clasps her hands appropriately*

That Amanda is a whole Angry Townsfolk all by herself! She's my heeeeeero.

*sets up the finish line*