h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't know how the topic came about, but when I tuned in to the radio this morning the DJ was introducing a single mother who had struggled to get maintenance payments. The CSA had taken two years to get a settlement in place, then not long afterwards the father, who works for a high profile company, moved abroad to a country where he can't be legally chased for payments, so he stopped paying. Recently she's managed to get a settlement privately by dealing direct with the father by email, but the boy is now 14 so it's taken some time. I undersood that they'd split up before he was born.

But what struck me about it was the sadness of the situation. Pete the DJ asked the woman if the father was interested in being a dad, and there then followed about 15 seconds of radio silence, after which the woman said no. It was obvious she was really struggling for control. She went on to explain how around father's day her son would look at the father's day cards and think about buying one. He's trying really hard to be the best he can, apparently so his father will realise he's worth knowing. How sad is that? A young boy trying to prove to his dad that he's worthy of his love. It brought tears to my eyes, both for him and his mother, who has to watch this going on. She was obviously so proud of her son and felt his pain.

When the subject moved on I found myself thinking about that whole issue of parental responsibility. I'm not a parent, I've never felt that urge myself, so I obviously can't understand a lot of the emotions around the subject. But it does seem there is a huge power imbalance, although it also seems that would be impossible to change. It's quite right that the woman gets the final say in an unplanned (or planned, of course) pregnancy - I firmly believe in "my body, my choice" - but it's quite harsh that a man could end up paying for the next 16-odd years for something he has absolutely no control over. It might be that they realise the mistake immediately (perhaps the condom split) but if the woman doesn't want to arrange a morning after pill, and subsequently finds out she's pregnant, the man suddenly becomes a father against his will.

I don't believe "It's about time men took responsibility for their actions" because it's not the man's action which causes a pregnancy - it takes two, as they say. These days (in the UK, anyway) no woman needs to have parenthood foisted on her unwillingly* but for many men it's a very real possibility. It seems unfair.

I suppose it's less unfair than someone else being able to take decisions about another person's body, though, and that's why it's the way it is.

Deb


* For the purposes of this journal, I'm disregarding all moral, religious and social constraints because they shouldn't exist. I'm talking legally.

Planned or unplanned, parenthood should always be a shared responsibility. Shame real life isn't as simple as that statement is though.

The only legal responsibility a man *has* to take is a financial one, 15% of his net income for one child

Weighted against all the responsibilities a woman has it is not much is it?

Sorry Deb, that sounded much more terse than I had intended, um, I hadn't meant to be terse at all, sorry

That's ok, Peanut!

I know it's not much of a responsibility, but a woman can choose not to be a parent - there's the morning after pill, abortion, adoption. My point was that a man has none of those options, he's completely reliant on the woman. I'm glad I'm not a man!

Deb

[Amy P]