h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In elementary school, I learned that 'booger' is the funniest word in the English language.

In middle school, I learned the dedicated art of not doing homework and making high marks in the class.

In high school, I learned procrastination and how to affectively get people to think I was only slightly weird.

In university, I am learning the fine art of jaywalking and the practical application of an umbrella.

Throughout the years, I have discovered ways to use these things. 'Booger' is a great thing to say when everyone already thinks you're a freak and doesn't want to say anything; you always get a couple of snickers from that one. Not doing and getting high marks has served me well; there's no need to explain that one. My procrastination skils have been honed to perfection. I can finish a two-page post-lab exercise in fifteen minutes in the lobby of the building where my biology class is and make the most lovely Cartesian graphs in less. Making people think you are only slightly weird gets you a lovely state of unnotice. If you were more or less weird, you'd get a mention. Jaywalking is a rather important skill. They don't make walks that follow a smart course, so jaywalking gets you to class on time. An umbrella is good when you don't want a $150 book ruined.

in pre-school - I learned not to climb tire mountains

in primary school - I learned that I was way to loyal to teachers and freinds

in high school - I learned exactly how to avoid doing work for school and how not to revise for tests

in collage - I learned procrastination was the best skill I had, and how not to dance

in university - I learned the fine art of arriving at exactly the right time to fall asleep in a lecture, the way of a using the bus timetable to my advantage and the practical uses of student politics

So far I learned more from encyclopedia britannicia than I have at school

*nods* Sounds about right.

In elementary school I learned many new and exciting ways to hurt myself.

In middle school I learned that maybe all boys aren't so icky that you can't talk to them if there's no one else to be friends with.

In high school I learned the fine art of procrastination.

In college I honed my procrastination skills and learned to sleep with my eyes open. I also learned the fine art of sleep deprivation and how caffeine makes an adequate substitute for food and sleep.

I have found that sour gummy worms fill the spot of caffeine, too.

I recommend orange soda as well.

I have always found that a glass of water cures pretty much anything. However for keeping awake there is nothing as good as dave's insanity chilly source

That also makes you drool. You get Dave's sauce in Australia?

Yeah, and I make Krondorf when time permits

I still maintain that I learned everything I know from computer games.

I learnt most of it from "The Meaning Of Life" by monty python and of course that most compendious tome The Hitch Hickers Guide To The Galaxy

'Every Sperm Is Sacred' is now running through my head.

As it should be

Damn.

Ah manipulation is grand

It is quite a joy.

Booger isn't in the English language. We call it a bogie.

Bloody uneducated colonials .

According to the American Heritage Dictionary:

bo·gie1 also bo·gy (b½“g¶) n., pl. bo·gies. 1. A railroad car or locomotive undercarriage with two, four, or six wheels that swivels so curves can be negotiated. 2. One of several wheels or supporting and aligning rollers inside the tread of a tractor or tank. [Origin unknown.]

Another thing learned from college: when asked to bring something to a party, guys bring booze and girls bring chips.

Yes, I am afraid that is mostly true