h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I love listening to music, almost all sorts of music. Everything from listening to the wife practice her piano or violin through to a CD of a main stream massive rock band. I love seeing it played live, the energy and enthusiasm that the people on stage put into something that you can tell they obviously love, and the atmosphere in the audience as the crowd get swept away in the moment. I love sitting quieting, listening to some well performed classical piece, hearing the melodies and the intricate notes, and I also used to love bouncing away at the front of the mosh pit before I got too old. I love the shear wonder of the lyrics, how some song writers are able to twist the meanings and sounds of words to draw our attention to their messages.

But I don’t love Eurovision anymore. In fact, I don’t even really like it. I used to, I used to get excited about it, go to parties when the songs were chosen, and the all night kitsch fests that Eurovision used to be. But then something changed and I no longer like it. I think Eurovision sold its soul for the spectacle and it’s now a sad shadow of its former self.

It doesn’t matter what bands get put in, as long as they’re half decent you know which way the majority of votes are going to go before they’re announced. Terry Wogan famously took the piss out of this Eastern Block voting on air. An outstanding act with occasionally pop up, and will usually win. But they’re more often spectacles themselves. And no matter who wins, we’re never likely to hear from them again after a couple of weeks. I can’t help but think that the whole thing has now become a circus, a caricature of its former self.

And who are half these acts that get entered? In the last two years England has entered Bonnie Tyler and Englebert Humperdinck, an admission that they can’t come up with anything new that fits the bill and hope that some Big Names will work. Why? The previous year they entered Blue and that failed. Since Jessica Garlick came third in 2002 England haven’t been in the top three. But in those eleven years we have come last three times.

In short, we’ve been entering utter rubbish that does not reflect how good the music scene in this country is. I can go into just one pub in Manchester on a Friday or Saturday night and hear half a dozen really good bands playing a whole variety of music that is far better than the dross that gets put into Eurovision these days. And I can’t help but think that the money men and advertisers have taken over. And I can’t help but think that this has either already happened in other countries, or soon will.

So no, I don’t like Eurovision anymore.

But I used to, and I would like to see something take over from what it lost. A Europe wide competition to show off the best of the musical spirit and soul of the member countries. And so this is what I think should happen…

I’d like to see a website created where any singer or band could register and upload their song, they’d have to give their details, including the country they were in obviously. Then anyone else could register with the site, stating what country they were in, and having a geolocation-ip check to make sure they weren’t fibbing.

For the first round, I think that people registered with their site would be able to watch all of the videos / songs from their home country and vote on them. But they should also be able to see all the other songs, but not know what country they were from.

This round could get each country’s list down to the top ten, and the second round allows all the voting to start again to get the best song from each country. And again, you’d be able to see all the songs from countries other than the one you were in, but you wouldn’t be told what country they were from.

After that round, the best song from each country goes forward, and you then get to vote on all of the songs from the countries that you’re not in, but again without knowing which country they’re actually from.

I think that this way we’d be able to have a competition that was open to all the decent bands to enter, not just those that record companies are trying to promote and I think we as music fans would get to see a much better variety of bands. I also think that not knowing which country a band was from would help people vote more freely, without any preferences other than the music itself. But mostly I think this would help get back the life and soul that is missing from Eurovision.

Is it Eurovision time again? Golly, I can't keep up.

I usually try to follow along by watching the acts on Youtube. You say the entries are 'rubbish'. Could the problem be that we no longer have a common language for music at all?

I mean, I don't like most of the songs because they sound like mindless pop music, but then, I don't LIKE mindless pop music.

I guess it's a measure of the success of Eurovision that people are arguing about it's 'true meaning'. As I recall, it started as a way to teset international link-ups. Probably a relic of the Cold War.

But that's just it, all the music *is* mindless pop, it's not a good representation of the best music the countries can produce. And I don't think the majority of people like mindless pop, I think they go along with being told they do.

Also, not sure when it's Eurovision time again, we were just chatting about it elsewhere

Ah. Thanks, then I didn't miss it. (we like to keep up for .)

I agree - my favourite Eurovision moments have been the ones that show something about the country's musical taste. The best songs often aren't in English.

Of course, the ones in funny English are a hoot...

Back in the 80s, we used to watch it on German TV, with the sound off, and then turn to BFBS for the commentary. The announcers there were droll.

We had Terry Wogan, the best commentator on it there ever was. Famous for getting tipsy and forgetting to be polite about how obviously fixed it was becoming

BFBS (British Forces Broadcasting Service) probably carried the BBC feed!

Nah, in the Rhineland, BFBS had some pretty laid-back guys who made silly comments like, 'That dress will be wonderful, once it's finished.'

They were the same local bunch who played the Budgie Song every day, recorded 'I'm a Pheasant Plucker', and made endless jokes about Barry Manilow until the guy showed up in Cologne and shamed them by being so darned nice. BFBS kept the Rhine Army and all the English teachers entertained.

Pardon me, but Terry Wogan was a predujiced and arrogant pr**k, seen from a Swedish point of view.

Correction, from my very own personal and not at all humble point of view.

Who on earth told you that the ESC was some sort of talent contest? It was set up under the auspices of the European Broadcasting Union in the 1950s as a political tool to suppress the nationalistic ambitions of European countries following the end of the Second World War. It even predates the Treaty of Rome. It can surely be no coincidence that major conflict has been averted in Europe since its inception.

I hadn't thought about its role in preventing war.

To quote Noel Coward, 'Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.'

I agree completely with the view on Terry Wogan, he saw what the competition was becoming and mocked it and its participants horrendously.

You know, Lordi winning the contest in 2006 really took me by surprise. I still haven't figured out how come. Not even with both parents being Finnish. If anyone could explain the politics behind *that decision, I'd be grateful.

I do enjoy watching the participants beforehand. I've even managed to predict the winner a few times going by the most easily memorized and sing-along friendly chorus.

Probably just because it was so completely different from the usual Eurovision entries... (I liked it )

I quite like Eurovision, but it is more about a variety show for me - the voting isn't the reason why I watch it, although I did watch it to the end last year... I'm impressed that you could predict some winners (I generally tend to prefer more unusual entries myself, so my opinions very rarely match the official ones...)

It would be fascinating to see if making everything more anonymous made a difference to the music that was included in the competition, and the music that was voted up...

I, like others I suspect, ceased to watch Eurovision after Terry stopped doing the commentary, wasn't any fun without his sarcasm