h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia - A1047016
Author: Yataghan - U227486

My first entry on h2g2. My formating could use some work but I think the information is there.

It could use an introduction

Hello Yataghan, and welcome to Peer Review. I've read the intro on your Personal Space and I'm very happy that you're going to be participating This is a good start, and it looks as if you've read the guidelines, so well done.

As Jodan says, this entry could use an introduction - it rather jumps straight into the subject matter.

Also, there are a number of inaccuracies which I need to point out... at least, they may be inaccuracies. I'm not a biologist, but I did study human biology at school, and anatomy for a therapy qualification, so I'm going off my memory and my notes here.

"A substance known as plasma makes up our blood."
That's not quite right - very simply put, plasma is the fluid content of the blood. It constitutes about 55% of the blood by volume, and is comprised of water, proteins, acids, and salts. Everything else - white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets (everything that can be seen with an optical microscope), are called 'formed elements'.

"There are three primary components to plasma"
Also not accurate - see above.

"These [platelets} are created in the bone marrow"
Most blood cells are created in the marrow - I know for sure that red blood cells and platelets are, and I believe that most (if not all) types of white blood cells are too.

"There are three types of white blood cells."
Aren't there five? Neutrophils, Eosinophyls, Basophils, Lymphocytes, and Monocytes. The first three are granular, the second two are non-granular, and they're all grouped under the name Leukocytes.

"...since it is very common during childhood"
I don't know the statistics, but I don't think you can accurately say 'very'. It may be quite common, or more common during childhood. I think you'll need to re-word that bit, especially as the following sentence states that it "affects adults more than children".

"Finally, stage IV is the last stage."
You don't need the word 'finally' there.

"however chemotherapy is still used to prolong death."
Is that really what you mean? Maybe that should be 'to prolong life'.

I'm ready to be proven wrong on any of those matters of anatomy and physiology by someone who is more knowledgable than I am.

"I'm not a biologist... ...It constitutes about 55% of the blood by volume, and is comprised of water, proteins, acids, and salts"

Don't those two statements cancell each other out?

As always, statements taken out of context can be made to say anything you want them to say.

I was summarizing in a witty way

I was just kidding. Gosh, gosho.

I would just like to thank you guys for replying so fast and accurately. I will look into those facts and also an introduction. BTW I am in High School, so some of my articles will be based off of assignments I do there, I figure information is information. I'll only submit the A's though

Oh, I got a C entry edited a few weeks ago

I'm not kidding, but it had to be worked on a bit

Great start!

I'm a bit of a deconstructioninst peer reviewer so I go one para at a time until I get to the end. (mostly so I can be lazy and cut/paste my one sentence editing suggestions)

Here's the first thing I saw:

"Although this sounds terrible, nearly 60% of cancer patients that find out they have cancer survive. "

Maybe something like:

Although having cancer sounds like a terrible death sentence, nearly 60% of cancer patients survive etc etc etc ... ... ...

Friar

Are you planning on doing any more work on this one Yataghan?


Scout

Unfortunately they haven't posted since their last post in this thread. Or included any of the suggestions/corrections people have posted. Does that mean this is destined for the Flea Market?

This entry would look much nicer with GuideML.

I'd only every heard of acute leukaemia (well, I'd heard of chronic but never read much about it) so I found this quite interesting.

Niwt

Yup, the author does surely appear to be AWOL. Anyone want to second a move to the Flea Market?

Here.

Is this on the move then?