h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If I were a superstitious person... or what's known in the trade as a bit of a Cassandra I'd be starting to take this all a bit more personally. As it is, I'm not, mainly because I've got enough self confidence to put it down to "just one of them things"

Thursday evening, going to Big Jans (and ultimately) The Mothers, via Lakeside, to pick up a couple of dining room chairs from glorious Ikea - what d'you mean, prosaic taste, matey? I'll have you know they're cheap, but good quality, and I do both in abundance! - I had my first vitally necessary Insurance Claimable shunt in my car.

I still can't quite believe it's happened, really.

I was nearly at the Queen Elizabeth Bridge, to get over the Thames, But it was getting dusky. Traffic was heavy, so I wasn't going fast - I seldom *do* speed, I'm one of natures plodders, but I was ticking along nice and slowly, mainly because of the myriad traffic lights and junctions.

ANYWAY, long story short, I *saw* the lorry waiting for the lights to change, and obvioulsy, braked... but for the first time in my life I must have misjudged the distance...

There was an almighty "KERRR_UMP!", lots of tinkly broken glass noises....and me sitting behind the wheel liked a dazed owl, gazing happilly at the GPS thinking "Gosh, that's lovely bright colours... I wish that bloody lorry would move - the lights can't be taking THAT long to change, surely?"

Think I had gone into instant shock, because usually I'm a bit more action packed than that, but I honestly did not have a *clue* what to do. I just sat there like a lemon, gazing at the GPs.

After a while - seemed ages, but it probably wasn't - the lorry driver peeped into the driver's window, asked if I was alright and I *still wasn't with it enough to say anything more sensible than to say "Yeah... I'm fine - arn't these traffic Lights taking a long time to change?"

Fortunately, he was very calm, and took charge. I tried reversing back, but the front of the car was welded tight to his lorry, so he gently pulled forward... (more tinkly winkly shattering glass sounds) and we could survey the damage...

Lorry seemed fine (it was one of those really big buggers)... my car had a very concertina'd bonnet, on the left and the glass smashed to smithereens on the right headlight and indicator light.

Oddly enough, the light bulbs were absolutely fine, and still worked!

And the engine fired up fine - the shunt seems to have missed all the vital bits of the engine/radiator, etc etc. It still drove fine, far as I could ascertain.

So we swapped details, I went back to smoking (AGAIN!!!) and after a bit of a recover, I cautiously edged out into the by now dark evening and rush hour traffic. Got over the bridge, and drove sedately the 10 minute journey it takes to get to Jans.

And now it's Sunday.

I've done the necessary nursing I had to do for Jan, AND the necessary chauffeuring to and from her local hospital where she had to have a troublesome tooth pulled under "Serious Medical Supervision" as she's on warfarin, and then onto Mothers, who had a fit of the vapours and panics when I told her I'd had a shunt - she could *see I was in one piece, but she's a great one for dramatising all the "What If" scenarioes, and although it's human naturem, that sort of daft thinking I find completely pointless - We are Here and It Is Now, is more my philosophy. I've all my limbs, no bruises, and I'm not put off driving.

So it's down to practical problems, really - I've never had to make a serious insurance claim before, so that'll be a bit interesting, I guess.... and I'm peeved that because the car is old, and therefore not insured for a vast amount of money, there is a liklihood that it'll cost more to fix the crumpled bonnet than it's actually worth, so the Company will deem it a write off.

But I'll deal with that if it comes to it.


But...

what *is it about me and cars?

Oh well... if I don't have to buy petrol I can afford nicotine patches once I've decided to stop smoking again.

So every cloud has a sort of silver lining, even though it *is a bit on the tarmished side

Some people are just too* dangerous to drive a car
Glad your OK and the crash was just a little one... I guess... I've only been in one proper* car crash (I.E., whilst I was actually a passenger), and my comment immediatley on us skewing across the oncoming traffic, nearly turning over, and finally resting almost* in the ditch, was
"coooool, can we do that again?" The driver was not amused (and it was a rental car too)

Can't you get nicotine patches on the NHS these day?: they seem to be constantly pestering everyone with adds about it from what I remember.... and yes I'm stuborn the more they pester about how you should* quit the more I just want to not ever quit

Glad your alright though good luck with the insurance people

Glad you are with no delayed reaction. We have all had our shunts at some time or other, me included many years ago, so it IS just one of those things! Not everyone 'fesses' up to them either

Take care,

Websailor

Oh, I'm lethal, me, 2 Legs

And you're seriously weird "C-o-o-l! Can we do that again" indeed

Mind you, I did something like that about 20 years ago... parents, and both kids on the way to Knock Airport, to get the folks back to GB after a visit. One minute on the road, next minute, flying in the air, triple somersault into a bog, after a 15 foot drop.... and Ker_Donk!

Like you, a rental car, and more by luck than judgement it landed on all four wheels.

It was a complete write-off though.

So no faffing around with claims and bits of paper as such. The man from the Rental Company called round to me a couple of days later, but that was all. He was quite sweet about it - considering they'd only owned the car for about a week and it was brand new

3 generations in one hit would have *not been considered a particular sucsess,... but it *would have been thorough!

(I remember vaguely thinking "Oooh! That tree appears to be upside down - no it isn't - yes it is....". Odd the things that seem terribly important and so very interesting at times like that, isn't it?)

We all staggered out a bit dazed... the parents and the kids got hauled up the bank by what seemed to be an entire convent of penguins and a similiar amount of monks, priest and other assorted churchly bods who were on their way to Knock to look at whatever churchly bods look at in Knock, whilst I, being last out, wandered around like a in a trance.

(But then, I'm a pagan-y sort and they probably sussed that)

Eventually I climbed over a fence and back up a track to the main road side

found mum panicking they wouldn't get back to GB in time to collect the dog from the kennels, dad having his dicky ticker ECG'd and OK'd and the lads quite happilly stuffing chocolate bikkies and singing a slightly rude song to a rather bemused nun who had taken them under her wing!

Happy days.....

Mine was kinda weird... I was moving out of uni accomidation err can't remember when it'd ahve..... no, it was in teh summer, yes, the summer so it'd ahve been summer ... 2000 I think... or 1999 no 2000 ... I'll start again...

It was summer 2000 and I was moving out of uni accomidation into a rented place whilst I looked for a place to buy
Anyhow, all the rental company had was a Bedford Rascal which are pretty small things
Anyhow, we'd moved pretty much all of my stuff cept for one load, which was a heavy* load... we looked at the back....
"oh that's sitting quite low down now... *** it, it'll be alright "
Then for some reason I ... I can* remember, we were popping out of Cambridge I think* down the A14 to a friends place as they had some furnature we could get for free...
So there we are... goign along nicely... towards Newmarket I think ....

There is this 'hump' in the road; where the train lines cross over the road...

Well... we might* have been going a tad* too fast for a Bedford Rascal loaded to the hilt with junk in the back...

We kind of took off as we went over the 'hump' in the road...

When we landed... the lack of 'clearance' under the car was an issue... as we drove the axle into teh tarmac, swerved across the road, spinning a few times as the oncoming traffic somehow didn't* hit us, somehow then I think we managed to end up spinning back across to the right* side of the road, which was probalby also quite dangerous, but luckily at that point as the van got to the top of the road cambre bit, it was exactly sideways on, and so we just rolled over... back onto teh wheels, and kinda stoppd by the grass verge, just befor the ditch...

We inspected and inspected the rascal... the Axle looked really shiney and new... thanks to the road having sanded off a surface layer of metal
A big long mark across the road showed us where it'd ground into the tarmac....

And the roof... bugger... we were expecting a certain amount of dammage and lack of paint... absolutely intact

The funniest bit, other than my asking if we could do it again, before we got out, was my getting out, lighting up a cigarette, and then nearly walking out into a oncoming car

Think mine was *about" 1990/91 ish, when you were just a twinkle in someone else's eye... but yours was truely spectacular by the sound of it

Mind you... all those penguins and men in dresses.... honest, it was like getting a preview of heaven without all the boring bits like getting mangled and stopping breathing

Scary place! I decided there and then to stop believing in it!

Come to think of it, it was the only time I ever heard my dad swear anything more human than "Blasted". If I remember rightly he was screaming at us to get out of the (ef**ng) car before the petrol tank blew.

Poor ol' dad; he watched far too many James Bond fillums.

In Eire, nothing was likely to combust; it being too soggy a place to encourage that sort of thing

>>The funniest bit......... was my getting out, lighting up a cigarette, and then nearly walking out into a oncoming car<<



Priceless!

yes... after all the 'exciting' bit... my friend, the driver, shouting "get the out of the ing road!"

Oi! I weas born in 1976 by 1990 1991 I was already proping up the bar at our local pub and in my spare time playing guitar with the drummer who ended up in the darkness

Blimey! By 1976 I'd finished school, had my heart broken for the first time, and was probably on my 2nd or 3rd job, employment being easy to walk in and out of in them days

If I remember rightly (and there's no guarantee of this) I *think I was being bored rigid doing a day release ONC Business Studies that year. Was great in English, History and Law, but kept dropping off in Accountanzee and Economixzzz

Having said that, I began propping up a bar in 74 - and got barred on my 18th birthday for (previously) buying drinks underage!

So unlike the Home Life of our own dear Queen!

Age is but a number, after all.

And you haven't denied being a twinkle in some one else's eye so I rest my case

Have you sorted out with young Sprocket when we're having a mini meet yet?

Tempus is a fuggetting

Oo I'd completely forgot about asking Roymondo that... mind, the last time we met up... we met up... and completly forgot we were ment to be at MMF's party; the whole point of us meeting up, until it was too late

Hmmm... twinkle in someones eye... ooo
Blimey... hang on... I need to do some maths... by 1991 I was seeing this person... she was quite a bit older than me mind Oo I'd not thought about that in ages err...
hang on...
nope.. forgotten... I was ment to be remembering somethign and now I'm utterly distrated and can't remember it

It's probably something to do with buying cigarettes and butter, I'd imagine

You're real minded, you are

so true blooming eck... I know evolutionary and everythign there is probably a good reason for men's brains to be wired as they are... but ... you know.. sometimes... it'd be nice to be able to concentrate on something that wasn't... related... in any way to... well you know... fail...

Sounds perfectly normal to me.....

Ho Hum.

Limped the car over to Canterbury for the preliminary "Look See" by the Insurance Designated garage. It still drives ok-ish, but... maybe I'm imagining it, but it's beginning to feel a bit lumpy.

After a lot of teeth sucking, the preliminary bod reckons it'll cost around £300 quid more in repairs than I've got the whole daamned car insured for, (not being the sort of person to give a false retail value - and besides, they're not daft... they can look up values of motors anyway) it being a rather senior sort of a car, in that its a bit over 10 years old.

I don't think a 10 -plus year old car is all *that* old meself. Its... mature. It has charactor. But I don't think it's *old*

It still worked fine, so why renew something till its worn out? Surely a few dents that could be belted out shouldn't cost that much


ANYWAY... I've got loads of Out Patient type appointments (and, OK, I want to deliver a few Christmas presents up to Mother nearer the day) and that sort of appointment-y stuff to do in the next fortnight, so I've got 2 weeks grace, until the 18th December before I take the car back to the garage for the Insurance Engineer to snigger a bit and confirm what I'm 90% certain will happen anyway.

I'm gutted. I really *liked* this car

On the plus side, at least with the insurance money (after stoppages) can be carefully salted away so I can try and save up for another motor.

And in the meantime I shall learn to love - or at least tolerate - Public Transport. Again.

Oh well

After blagging an extra 2 weeks of usage of The Car....

(You'd be *amazed at the the number of drivers who tooted me and very kindly pointed out my bonnet was a bit crumpled -Really? Gawsh... I didn't notice....)

I took it back to the Repair Garage yesterday and let the Insurance Assessor have a bit of a smirk before he did indeed confirm it was a complete write-off. (It'd cost just shy of 3k to repair, and it cost me just shy of a grand 2 years ago. I should have been a body paneller and mechanic, as a career move shouldn't I?

So... I got an offer from the insurance company, and I I haggled a bit and drove them up another hundred because I felt cheeky.... and I got it, too...

and the salvage company is going to collect my poor, battered old motor first thing on Monday.


Repeat after me: All together now:

Public Transport is a Good Thing.

No. I don't believe it either

Ev, I am so about your car, especially at this time of year.

Now, where I live public transport can be quite cheap and very good indeed,, until the traffic gets in the way. Having a buss pass makes a difference of course because I can 'bus hop' without counting the cost.

Get yourself a travel card if you can manage it. It takes a lot of the hassle out of it, and you have unlimited use, probably within certain time limits, so it is worth the expense if you need to get about for appointments etc.

with everything.

Websailor

Holding a Blue Badge does actually have a bit of an advantage, Webbie - dunno if it's a nationwide thing, but our coucil - once you'e filled in lots of forms, supplied 2 mug shots, given your inside leg measurement (and given them proof of it all in triplicate, of course) I can get hold of a Freebie Bus Pass: eventually.

And I've loked into rail travel, and again, for the price of a bit of paperwork palava I can get discounted pass from that organisation, too.

Like you say, you just have to travel off peak, that's all. In a way, it's going to be a boon - I'm forced to walk around a bit more (as I did from Canterbury Bus Station to the other end of town to go where I was going to go), and all and any exercise is a Good Thing.

I've got visitors galore, and visits to make galore this coming week Webbie, so it's probably a good time to wish you and yours a Wonderful Christmas if I don't get the opportunity a bit nearer the Day. I hope it's everything you could possibly wish for

Me? Both lads are going to be home for both The Day and Boxing Day... they've told me all I've got to do is set the table for them. All cooking - unless I want to make a few bits and bods - will be taken care of.

*And all the washing up... which, as we've got a dishwasher will only mean they have to stack it(and remember to empty it afterwards)

So it's 48 hours of the equivalent of 2 (Michalin) star cooking from the pair of them, and 2 days to giggle, and eat far too much - which'll mean Youngest's Beef Wellington followed by Clemantine Sorbet, and Eldest's Seriously Hench Roast Beef the day after,followed by "something lemon-y"

They're even going to make us canapes and horses doovers.

And there'll be Scrabble, and Monopoly, and probably a few mooches along the beach to throw snowballs at the gulls joke, honest! and all in all a proper familly Christmas for us.

I reckon I'm going to enjoy every minute of it