h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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Yet again, my car has been vandalised - think the last time was a mere 13months ago. And I *still haven't got the Compensation awarded to me from the Courts, either, but that's neither here nor there for today.

*This time, the dear little oiks in my neighbourhood decided it might be fun to smash the drivers window; that happened last night, according to the little chitty the local plods posted thru my post box, around 11.00pm.

Son No 1 had the sense to nip around to the car and get out the CDs, the Player, the GPS from it, and apparently helped the local boys in blue to tape polythene over the damage.

I got the glad tidings of all this left on the kitchen table, which I stumbled over around 6.40am today.

So after a swift cuppa I went and had a look, cleared off the glass from the driver's seat *and removed my Blue Badge because I didn't want the darned thing nicked*.....


I then began the arduous job of letting the Insurance Company know ("Claims don't open until 9o'clock Saturdays, love, you've come thru to accidents"), the glaziers know, back to the insurers to inform them they'd printed the wrong details on my policy document

(An "H" in the reg had been mistaken for a "M" - or posssibly the other way around, but no-one - ot me, and not any official bod, even when I was taxing and insuring and MOT-ing the bing car had spotted the discrepancy) and could they alter it pronto and then send a Fax confirmation that they'd done so to the Glaziers please and thank you..... and so it went on. it took a good few phone calls to get that done, and an awful lot of muzak whilst I was on hold.

That took until around 10.00am at least.

Then I had some other important letters/official stuff to do, so I did them... and then..... oh yes, I had half an hour off for another cuppa and a phone chat.

Ooops, thinks I; one thing I haven't done yet. I'd better write a little note to our Chocolate Soldiers and let them know I *do have a Blue Badge, give' em the number, and also let them know the Police number Case, otherwise I'm going to get a ticket.


So I wrote out my little note... took my roll of selatape, and stuck the following note on the dashboard for the Nice Traffic Wardens to see and read.

"As you can see, this car has been vandalised. The Police are aware of this and the Case No is (such and such). I have removed my Blue Badge (number suchandsuch, expires (date) incase of theft, until the glaziers come to repair said vandalism. Any questions, please contact ("X" Police Station for details quoting Case Number".

And then I looked at my windscreen.

Guess what?


Yep. You guessed it, some of a Jobsworth had stuck a parking ticket onto it in the interim.

And the time? 5 minutes after I'd left from my original visit to the car.

Whoever it was must have watched me sweep the glass out of the car, (which may or may not have been a Bit of a Clue that all was not well) ....and yes, I was a good citizen, I put the shards in a proper waste bin.

I didn't spot them, and yes, I *did look around for a Warden to ask them their advise, or tell them what I'd done and ask them was I legal. I searched for quite some time but no one was visible.

They were too darned busy tickataping out one of their £70.00 fine bits of burocracy!!!! (And probably lurking behind my car so no-one could see 'em. either

I'm not going to bother having a rant about Traffic Wardens or "Civic Enforcement Officers" as they're referred to around here, because even bottom feeders need to earn a crust somehow.

I'm not going to have a rant about this particular stupidity of the individuals tiny, inane burocratic, non functioning, petty minded, gormless adherance to any form of rational thought because I'm losing the desire to even acknowledge that eejits like these live amongst us and have a vote.

And besides, I've run out of polite, but negative adjectives pro tem.

But I am going to say one thing.

"Civil Enforcement Officer 20" isn't half going to be embarrassed to read* of his/her intelligent behaviour in the local papers



*assuming they're capeable of doing so, that is.

Come and hide under my Matt

Ta L'il... I think I'd sooner hurl something painful at the silly soandso


and then possibly join you under that Matt of yours for a bit.



You realise I've still got that badger for you, don't you?

E mail someone you know who knows me , get my addy and get in touch. Once the postal strike's sorted one way or another I'll send it to you!

Aww Bless!!


Badger aside, you can always contact me on lil_h2g2(AT)yahoo(DOT)co(DOT)uk if you need a chat

lil xx

Doesn't sound at all good ... a badger?

Good grief man - are you able to concentrate on badgers after the week you've had

Gawd bless your tenananananicicty

Lucky ol' you, btw. To insanity and beyond? T'hell with just the one visit Leglets, I'd visit the second time... if only to apologise

Naw... it's not all that good, atm "here" - well, today hasn't anyway.



But I must admit, reading your journal this last week has really cheered me up no end

When's the next debauch due?

Ev, So to hear about your misfortune. There is some real lowlife around these days isn't there

I hope the CEO gets his come uppance. Make sure you dispute it, they can't be allowed to get away with that kind of nonsense.

Take care,

Websailor

The 'next' one?
*faints*

I've slowely started regaining my composure this afternoon though various parts of me are still protesting at their... abuse most particularly.... my left knee... still love to know what the 'eck' happened to my left knee
There is a slight* slight* possibility I may be in for a second-round appointment tommorrow with the 8AM appointment from Thursday
I had some weird hormones and things rushing about my blood last night (I'm guessing), and I coudln't sleep for hours... I went up at 1.40 and then got up again and came down at 3, finally returning to bed at 5 in order to get up at 9 this morning for the final appointment ... which was longer than I expected
I am quite worried though... I mean, this was just as a result of the lodger being away a couple of days... What would I be like if I ever get the house back to myself?
We must drag Roymondo and I down to your neck of the woods again some day

.... you're not *seriously suggesting what you sort of inferred ... are you? Legster?

The mind boggles.

I am, after all, a person of the female, hetrosexual persuasion, and technically old enough to be yer mother!
(And actually, we worked out, when last I saw him, Roymondo's, as well)

Tis a scary thought, actually. I'm 52 in a coupla weeks - and you and Roy add an extra year onto yourselves around the same time, too.

H'mm.

Mini- Meet? Sure. Get it organised and tell me when. It's a good excuse to give the flat a good hoovering. Just don't expect me to be able to keep up with you two dipsoes, alright? The Man and I can just sit, watch, be educated and point and laugh when appropriate


Hiya WS! I'm not ignoring you, I'm just flabberghasted at the Legs and got sidetracked.

Yep - today was a real pig, and the ticket was a real dollop of icing on a rancid cake, but on the whole, it's not the end of the world; I'll cope, honest. And the way I'm feeling, there's no way I'm going to let that little jobsworth get away with such a stupid thing.

I'm alright me, I am; I've got a primed MP... and I'm not afraid he won't let me use him if needs be.

I've been on the case for quite a bit of the afternoon, I'm afraid. I don't mind paying fines if I'm in the wrong, (well, I do, but you know what I mean) but I do get riled with stupidity - and that ticket was sheer stupidity!

Hopefully, by the time I'm done, Warden 20 will either have learned to think, or, with a bit of luck been replaced by something with a bit more intellect -like, say, a gold or a single cell ameoba.


Or a galvinised bucket.

I try not to get mad any more.... but I'm pleased to say I've become a pretty good study in getting even nowadays

The... (apparently!) "civilised" way, too.


I must admit though... it might be effective, but it isn't half as much fun

I wasn't aware that I was infering anything I guess I'm ... I duno

Oi, and don't be sayign things like that... Your younger than at least one of the people I met up with yesterday Age is an illusion anyhow

Your female? I'd never have guessed Oh... I see what your suggesting... but I'm err... well you know... kind of ... unscrupulus when it comes to the gender/sex of partners... though I do normally tend towards those of the same as myself

Isn't there a beer fest over your neck of the woods at some point... I seem to recall we nearly but didn't make it one time

Yeah... the Beerfest was in August mate! And you're right, you did didn't make it this year. Thats the one in Faversham.


Mind you, I missed it myself this year. Jiggered if I can remember *why* I missed it, but there was prolly a good reasen


The Biggie Beerfest is at Easter, dahn at Margate (that's a CAMRA one - well worth going to)

I seem to remember you didn't make that one, either

So much to do and so little time management, eh? Must be something to do with time and age all being illusionary

>>> I wasn't aware that I was infering anything I guess I'm ... I duno <<<

Look; you're a Scorpio, talking to another Scorpio.

We're just good at being what we are, that's all there is to it!


We'll just put it down to being Scorpioes then, shall we?


I'll give Roy a nudge, and see what we can organise, but you know it's going to be like herding cats, don't you?


The car window is being fixed by the nice young lad from Aut*****s as I type, which means I can get back to being properly mobile from tomorrow onwards.

Just as well, got a busy(ish) week - hospital appointment tomorrow am, then, if I get out in time, a lunch time concert at the nearby theatre - the last one was brilliant, I mean, ....*really* excellent, so I hope this one will be equally good, but somehow I doubt it could be, then Tuesday I'm over to Faversham to get the barnet sorted, Wedsnesday I'm going to my first U 3 A meeting .....

that'll be fun; I think I'll probably be the only one there without a big University Education and an alphabet of letters after me name;

I just hope they can keep up with me

Thursday is empty, so far, then Friday, it's more medical stuff.

Saturday there's a hooley of sorts and firework display so all the adults can go "oooh" legitametly, with maybe the option of eating burgers/jacket spuds and other firework-y sort of fayre.

After that, I don't know. There's yet *more medically stuff to attend, I think. Pretty cetain thats the case.

Honestly, I do really think that its seeing all these medical bods that's making me feel so ill! They all should come with a clear government health warning.

Woo Hoo! Drivers window is fixed

Not a moment too soon, either - it's *bucketing* down here. And the nice young man even hoovered up all the glass I couldn't reach for me.

Shame it's not pouring money notes - that's £75.00 I've just had to stump up that'll take a while to recoup

'Orrible little oiks

Ah well; that's done and dusted. Didn't like it, but its gone over, finished. On with the next bit.


Now for Warden 20

I think Warden 20 should do a runner. A scary Ev. Cake after him should just about sort him out

Glad you got the window fixed in time. It has been bucketing it down here and now it is a howling gale. There won't be many leaves on the trees after this lot.

Take care,

Websailor

Am I being scary, WS?

I didn't think I was being, but then p'raps a miffed Ev might appear to be. I'm not scary atall. I can't help my face!!!

I'll be gentle with Warden 20, honest.

I'll use very little words so they can und-er-stand me. Promise.

(And if the bugger even *thinks about attempting to do a runner I shall accidentally trip him up wiv me stick)

It seems the weather *here is in for the day - no gales, but quite a few brown soggy leaves wafting past the flats' windows today. I've even had to give in and put the heating on.

It's a bit B'rrrrsome.

How the devil *are you, anyway? I still lurk mostly, with sporadic visits to write something here, but I haven't "seen" much of you, lately, nor FB, come to think of it - are you both OK, doing alright?

Talking of absentees, did you ever hear from johnredbear again? He just sort of disappeared in the summer, and his writing was a joy to read. I miss him.

Good to "see" you again... and btw, happy belated birthday missus

Thanks for belated greetings Ev. Of course you are scary, you know how to stand up for yourself - now - and I trust you will give the little squirt his come uppance.

I have not been around a lot as we have been refurbishing the house inside, which at our age is quite a struggle, and we are both CCd My Post articles have had to take a back seat as I just haven't had the time or energy but I hope to start up again soon.

FB is busy but ok. I hear from her with her 'Witter' but she seems to be busy too.

The badgers, all five of them are keeping me busy too.

The wind and rain here is quite nasty and I must go and shut the window before it comes off its hinges, then get lunch.

Good to hear from you. Hope you sort the little creep out good and proper.

Websailor

Good to know you and Fb are OK, and busy. Busy I can cope with. Busy is g-o-o-o-d - even if the refurbishments present challenges.

Having had the mammoth job of stripping back to the wood, three stories worth of bannisters and (whatever-it-is they're called...) pailings(?) and then undercoating/sanding/glossing/etc etc in time for a new hall/stairs carpet to be laid, earlier on this year I have a shrewd ikle of just how *much of a challenge it might be for you, too. It took me the best part of three weeks - and most of that was sanding and preparation work It CC'd me, too!

My kitchen is falling to bits, it really is; next time I see my Landlady I shall suggest to her that we do what we did with the new carpeting - go halves on the cost and I pay her my half on the drip, separate from her rent.

I've rented the place from her for the last... wow! 7 years now, and can't see me going anywhere fast in the near future, so I suppose we *have contributed to a bit of the wear and tear on the fixtures the landlady is technically solely responsible for. Us and the last 30 years worth of tenents

It works out OK, really - compared to some places this size locally, its a very reasonable rent - but then, it *is an old property. I can only ask, anyway!

Don't be a stranger WS - drop in any time

My son has a similar arrangement with his landlord. It works fairly well, though a new gas cooker seems to be a step too far. The thing is safe, just only half works!

You are right, the preparation, ordering and delivery was hard work, then the jobs themselves, and there is still a lot to be done, but I have to give the 'foreman' and chief worker (he thinks!) a break before I start on the next phase, which I haven't mentioned yet

I must admit painting is something we cannot do, the fumes make me ill, and PHM can't breathe with hem. Fortunately our 'decor' was designed for long service and only needs a good clean now and then!

He keeps moaning I have changed everything and he can't find a thing!!! Method in his madness, 'cus I then have to 'find' things for him

Take care,

Websailor

I finally cracked the "I can't find anything routine",,,,


I asked the lads to tell me where they wanted to find stuff in the kitchen.... I did the "You can think clearer than me, so *you decide where things go and I'll try and remember to stick to the new placements" ploy.

Mind you, they're still young enough to fall for that.... but I managed to be so "inept" at the putting things in their new places, in the end they hufffed and sighed a bit and finally said "Sit down, WE'LL do it for you *this time* alright?"

So I sat at the kitchen table, relaxed and let them bustle around.

It was great


Maybe, with a few adaptations, you could utilise that with PHM - after all, there's no limit to the Male Ego, is there? and I think sometimes we're duty bound to encourage it, if only to make our own lives that little bit easier!



Actually, I have to admit, they did good - we've now got:

A "cooking cupboard" next to the cooker, that has all the herbs and spices and stuff like cornflour and stock cubes and things.

A "baking cupboard" which is a bit less local to the cooker, but *does hold all the stuff like flour, and dried fruit, bread maker, mixer, electric donker, scales, baking trays and all that sort of palava for the rare occasions I go into Home Baking Mode. Oh yes... and all the jam making stuff (sugars, pectins, jars, etc etc

A "larder" that has the stuff we use most days - teas, coffee, soup, marmite, etc, dried goods and a few tins

and....

A "Food cupboard" which has shelves high enough to stash breakfast cereals and other "tall" stuff. (And all the homeless packages they weren't quite sure what to do with but might come in handy, as well) That also holds the everyday bowls and platters, too.

As the drawer unit is slowly disintergrating, most of the other stuff, along with dry good stocks, other crockery and for some reason a plastic picnic set we never use is kept in what we've dubbed "The Other cupboard"


They got bored when they came to organising the fridge freezer, but I live in hope And when No 2 peered into the Cupboard under the sink he just shut it quickly and said "You can sort out all the cleaning gear mum, I wouldn't know where to start"

Which suited me fine, because I've got that one organised to how *I* use it. (And I usually am the only one who ventures into that one)


I've got to ask, Webbie; I can understand the reasons why "paint" is not a good idea, for you and PHM, but what do you use instead? Sorry if that sounds a bit dense, but how do you preserve anything that (I assume, anyway) is wooden. like skirting boards and door frames and things?

And whats the Next Stage Planned?

Hi, Ev, that sounds like a good strategy. I am. however, gradually training him to find things for himself!

Your kitchen sounds as if you have loads of cupboard space, one thing I am lacking in spite of a big kitchen.

We polyurethaned wood work, skirting boards, doors etc. in the living room over thirty years ago and a quick clean with a sponge and a tea tree oil cleaner has kept it all good. We also have beams in the living room, which just need a sponge down! The rest of the house was paintedIwhich is how I found out I was allergic!) and is still good, with a quick clean. We have heavy woodchip everywhere which just needs a clean and a fresh coat of water based emulsion.

New double glazing be next but I haven't told him!!!! The old stuff is way past its sell by date. There are lots of other things on the wish list but I shall have to bide my time

Websailor

Funnilly enough, like you, I have a biggish kitchen... but it's so badly planned I actually have very very little storage apce that's any good.

They're quite little cupboards and dotted around the place haphazardly.

Good luck with PHM's "training course" I'm impressed with your tenancity; me, I found "flannel" was less effort to get them to do what I wanted in the end.

I *wondered if you'd used polyeurothane - seems the only thing you could do, really. I envy you the ability to keep what paintwork you *have got in such good nick... but then, with 2 lads, a lot of visiting pushbikes in the hall, etc etc, it sometimes seems like I'm trying to keep up with the Firth of Forth Bridge repairs.

Plus, I have to admit, I am awful at decorating - I really do try to do well, but somehow my painting never stays good for long.

But I do enjoy doing it, oddly enough!