h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today, Monday, I received a very nice letter (brown envelope, OHMS) from Ms Best in Defence Records 2a in Hayes. Unfortunately they do not hold the service record of my father (although they believe they have located his service number. This must be a highly secret piece of information as they didn't tell me what it is).

Defence Records 2a have very kindly passed on my enquiry to 'AFPAA PPA (C) Recordss and DPA' in room 86 of the Centurion Building. The more astute among you (pay attention at the back) will realise that it was the kind people in room 86, Centurion Building, who directed me to Defence Records 2a.

And so the circle comes around onto itself and is complete.
Brilliant.

I appreciate that attempting to locate one record in many millions involves the use of a very big filing cabinet, but you would have though that someone in the Ministry of Defence might know at least where that bloody filing cabinet is, wouldn't you. Wouldn't you?

Do you have sufficient security clearance to be told who your father was or what he did? They're probably afraid you'll tell someone ....

My poor long suffering Mark,

Have you tried the Ministry for funny walks yet?

Geez, I wish my mate Churchill was still alive, I'm sure he would soon stitch someones face to their ass and get a result for you!

Meanwhile keep cool and count to 10.

Cheers

Ken

Hello Ken and Ian

Thanks for the moral support! I think I might write to Jim Hacker in the department of administrative affairs, although I expect Sir Humphrey would bury my letter...*

*Ken - Have you guys had 'Yes, Minister' out there? If not it's a bit of an obscure reference I'm afraid!

HOW DARE YOU!

We might be here in the Bloody antipodes young man but let me tell you that not only do we get Yes, Minister AND Yes, Prime Minister (have you had that one?) but have cult followings for Andy Pandy, Noddy (once banned)and The Flower Pot Men.
And, don't you EVER forget that it was Australia that sent NEIGHBOURS over to you - much to relief of many thinking citizens in this land.

So there!

Ken

My dear Ken, a thousand apologies! I simply wasn't sure if it had been exported out there, it was no slur on the good name of your adopted country!

And neighbours has produced many a pop sensation over here...

None of which has any impact on Defence records 2a!

Before I retire to my bed - have you considered sending Kylie Minogue or better still our Les Patterson to talk to Defence records 2a?

I got very quick results some time ago re my pension when I wrote to Mr. Darling the then MOD - tell him you know me perhaps!

Oh! the madness, I must to my bed.

Cheers Ken

(Voice off - Joan says cheers too!)

Ah yes, Les, clearly the man for the job.

Please past on my best to Joan.

Mark

I wonder if they have discovered who you work for - and are trying to avoid being Gilliganned? I reckon you need to threaten them with a visit from "Face the facts" - that'll shift them faster than a plateful of Pusser's figgy duff & a no.9 pill.

Tsk! Well, they might know who I work for but I haven't told them!

Sorry Mark, but Sir Les Patterson has already blown your cover and the last I heard from my "Mole" was that he was ejected from the MOD offices 15 minutes ago and put aboard a Sydney Qantas flight staffed by Virgin hostesses.

While I am here Gilgamesh I note from you post above that you seem to have a good knowledge of naval parlance, did you ever serve in the Andrew?

Gilgamesh is one of our 'regulars' both here and on the History website Messageboards. He's a very useful person to have around but of course I shall let him speak for himself

Now it seems I have a rather lengthy form to fill in for Defence Records 2a. The journal needs a small update.

It has just occured to me Mark, have you been in touch with an organisation known as Forces Re-united? They seem to be very active in the lost mate type searches. However, I guess you will have heard of them.

Hey Mark!

What have I done?

Somehow, don't ask me how, I have just crossed over to the "other side" (H2G2) and got myself involved in a discussion on Northern Gannets!

Seems I now have a complete CV on that site too - will I be charged extra rent or expelled from one or both sites!

Geez!

It is to be hoped that you didn't go into the intricacies of the Double Mamba - it would confuse them considerably.

Yes, there was a short period when Their Lordships considered that I would be a useful NO. So did I. A short acquaintance convinced both of us that we were wholly mistaken.

Oops! Oh well, never mind eh Ken? It doesn't really matter where you go, everything we say and do follows us!!

Have tried forces reunited, although their members seem much more 'modern'!

Can but hope...
Best, Mark

Nah!

I had nothing to do with the Fairey Gannets but did have an encounter with its ugly duckling sibling, the Barracuda... but that's a different kettle of fish methinks!

Sorry you did not see eye to eye with the Andrew but then again neither did Lord Nelson!

Goodnight for now!

Nah!

I had nothing to do with the Fairey Gannets but did have an encounter with its ugly duckling sibling, the Barracuda... but that's a different kettle of fish methinks.

Sorry you did not see eye to eye with the Andrew but then again, neither did Lord Nelson.

Goodnight!

Well, he was down one on the standard count - but I think T.L. felt he was sufficiently 'armless to be allowed to carry on....