h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's a baked in the brain no going back shuck and jive baby kind of addiction. It jerks and herks over the fences through the holes in my head held by hormones and fuckin julianned cells.

The bones itch. The palms sweat the heart races the eyes tear and start. You have to wonder what shakes your head up. Why there is this gods cussing hurtful hateful NEED for christssakes that eats at everything and touches everything. Do we always have this itchy painfull NEED for things we never/got/didn't have/can't find? We hate overbearing mommy. Daddy left. Who's there tomorrow? YOU? It races and burns thorugh the whole body but it makes the soul ache, pull, push.

Damn.

Drink a beer or Smoke a joint or Snort a line.

It's all part of the great and heady NEED for that which we do not own and feel somehow that we do and do not deserve. It's a spit in the eye. It's the proverbial defiant middle finger in the face of death but it's pussy because when the GREAT AND GOOD tomorrow whacks us in the face with a metal beam, most of us will scream our way into the painfull blue beyond.

There is no forever. There may be no tomorrow and I shuck and jive hurk and jerk to the next day and the next and the next. My hands completely impotent to grab that which makes my world turn. That which fills the holes. There's almost enough in the world to make us sometimes feel like we aren't just gone down the rabbit hole. Good goddamn and gods cuss it there is no backbone in my world.

Excuse me while I flop and flap my way back into my tight little corner. I sometimes wonder whether I ever LEFT the womb. Shuck and jive baby. Dare to meet your maker my maker THE maker?

How long can someone sit in terror of their own life? Right now I mark it 24 year and 7 months.

Erm can I just say wow, I'm not quite sure if it's appropriate to say but it's what comes to mind.

I be agreein' with me Ant-man. Like, wowsers, hon.

*covers mouth like after a particularly loud belch*

Pardon me.

Actually, I knew this guy that blew *real* g- maybe that's for another time...

Hello, Krissy. Practising your writing already, I see. Every word's a winner. Exept maybe 'herks'. Didn't get 'herks'.

Perhaps I'm too antipodean.

*passes the asprin*

*looks up "antipodean"*

Main Entry: an·ti·pode
Pronunciation: 'an-t&-"pOd
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural an·tip·o·des /an-'ti-p&-"dEz/
Etymology: Middle English antipodes, plural, persons dwelling at opposite points on the globe, from Latin, from Greek, from plural of antipod-, antipous with feet opposite, from anti- + pod-, pous foot -- more at FOOT
Date: 1549
1 : the parts of the earth diametrically opposite -- usually used in plural; often used of Australia and New Zealand
2 : the exact opposite or contrary
- an·tip·o·de·an /(")an-"ti-p&-'dE-&n/ adjective or noun

I thang you.

*be's spartus for a bit*

Indeed.

antipode \An"ti*pode\, n. One of the antipodes; anything exactly opposite.

In tale or history your beggar is ever the just antipode to your king. --Lamb.

Note: The singular, antipode, is exceptional in formation, but has been used by good writers. Its regular English plural would be [a^]n"t[i^]*p[=o]des, the last syllable rhyming with abodes, and this pronunciation is sometimes heard. The plural form (originally a Latin word without a singular) is in common use, and is pronounced, after the English method of Latin, [a^]n*t[i^]p"[-o]*d[=e]z.

It was a grand effort beetle, but only Spartus can Spartus like Spartus.

That sentence above would be much funnier, I think, if you replace "Spartus" with something like "Ed Sullivan".

Just saying.

You want me to call you Ed Sullivan??

or you're saying that "Ed Sullivan" is a good sort of "wink wink nudge nudge kind of thing". C'mon baby, let's go Ed Sullivan in the parking lot.

That kind of thing?

Nononononono! If you're going to use a name for something like that, you have to use an older professional wrestler's name, like 'George "The Animal" Steele' (which also makes for a GREAT visual).

See, I just thought the phrase "...only Spartus can Spartus like Spartus." would be funnier if it read "...only Ed Sullivan can Ed Sullivan like Ed Sullivan."

Um...so then...like... Jack Benney would be okay to use? Or Bobby Darin? 'cause I really fancy Bobby Darin.

And I want you to know that I may be behind the times, but I know for a FACT that Ed Sullivan was not an old professional wrestler.

Let's see, "Only Bobby Darin can Bobby Darin..."

If you say it fast, it sounds like some special move in basketball or something: "A tremendous bobbydarin on the way to the hoop! He left the defender in his tracks!"

Maybe that's just me.

Now, for point #2, I know that ol' Mr. Ed was never a wrestler, I was just trying to say I'd find it hard to use his name as a sexual euphemism.

Not that George "The Animal" Steele is a great deal better, just the kind of...uhm, never mind. *blushes and runs off*

*falls over laughing and rolls around on the floor a bit* He embarassed himself right outta the thread!

No he didn--*blushes and runs off again*