h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The children go back to school tomorrow, they have only been off school now for 3 long months, however the school does expect them to study during the holidays and send us parents to buy vacation books for them to complete, so far I have not mastered the art of obliging my 6 year old and 8 year old to knuckling down to school work during the holidays, I am working full time, and the children have attended a summer school during July and AUgust, which is basically about having fun, loads of swimming, tennis, karate and a little bit of school work.

Needless to say the vacation books are incomplete.

So as a new school year begins, so does the expense, new uniforms, the ones from last year no longer fit, new shoes, good sturdy navy blue leather ones, not cheap! new trainers, white, and all the books and materials that they will need for the year, as the children actually write in their school books you cannot save them for another child, my son is now entering the first year of primary, his sister the third, so unfortunately Lydia,s books cannot be re-used for Hugo, even though I had to buy exactly the same books two years ago when she entered into primary.

We buy the books, we bring them home, we are then obligated by the school to suffer and cover them all with transparent sticky paper, a job that requires patience and time, neither of which I am blessed with.

I am told, not to worry, it gets, far, far worse, as friends of mine with older children take great delight in saying, - wait until they start university!!!

Somehow I don,t think I will be retiring just yet, unless of course I win the lottery!

Never mind, old chap, it gets easier for you as we get older - more money needed, but far less time. Just be prepared to put up with the occasional angst-ridden hatred from your kiddies.

Ah, Fnord,

It doesn,t get easier, once you have kids they become the very reason for your existence, I am an angst ridden parent, I am constantly reading how hiflying executive women earning ridiculous amounts of money gave up everything when their little one was born, because he/she needs his mummy at home, he will be brighter, more confident, less likely to become a deliquent, and achieve great things because of mummy,s sacrifice, however, what about us more down to earth working mums that have absolutely no choice but to continue working? or more wickedly we that actually ENJOY our work?

Angst ridden kid, with hatred? don,t forget Fnord I was one once, and let me tell you not sooooo very long ago I do still remember how it all feels, I will try not to make the same mistakes as my parents made, but no doubt I will make other mistakes, that is human nature, however you say more money and less time will be needed, as they get older, one thing I have clear, their dad or I ALWAYS make time for our kids and always will.

Jane

ps Fnord, less of the OLD, please, call me chap if you like, but I am very sensitive to the OLD bit

Well, az once called me "kid" or something once. And apparently I'm like a "little brother". So I think it's only fair.

Fnord darling,

Snot fair! If Jane doesn't like being called 'old' then just don't call her that. Anyhoodle, she is younger than me!

And I don't mind you calling me OLD because I know *you* are just this KID - - this young whippersnapper who is a bit too big for his boots at times.



But seriously folks. I love both of you very much - Fnord and Jane. And I know we can banter back and forth as friends.

But basically - Jane rules!!! So don't ever refer to her as being 'old' again if you know what's good for you.

much love,

tired old az

Fine, fine. What's the one between "old" and "young" that isn't "middle aged"?
Too big for my boots, my *ss. The purpose of the young is to act too big for their boots and overstep their mark, and the purpose of the mature is to fall over laughing, then teach.
Whoops, did it again.

Fnord,

Just don't call Jane 'old' anymore - she doesn't like it.

As for being middle-aged. . . if I am in fact middled aged now this means that I am going to live until I am 92! I'm not even sure if I want to live that long!

And yes, you are doing a fabulous job of being sixteen and way too big for your boots and otherwise mouthing off!

Don't ever stop.

much love,
az

Okay, okay, I get the message... I call everyone who's over twenty old, but I guess you're worth an exception. Even if I did mean it affecionately. Gah.

Hey!

You can call me as OLD as you like.

I know how old I am.

No probs there, kid.

az the wize

Well, you still deserve to be called young. Ish.
Fnord, the not wise, but wayze.

btw Fnord the wayze!

where is my photo!!!!!

az the impatient

Oh yes, my brother got a printer/scanner thingy for his birthday, so I was going to get one for tonight, but then I realised that because I never go on holiday with my family, they never take photos of me, and the most up-to-date photo is five years old.

blah blah blah blah blah blah

I still want the photo!

az

Come along now children, stop arguing, now then Az, Fnord will send you the photo, won,t you Fnord, Fnord?? Fnord? F N O R D.... PAY ATTENTION!!!! noooooo dear, Az doesn,t want THAT photo, no, no, a NICE one, yeeeesss, that,s right, no, it doesn,t matter that the last NICE photo of you was taken when you were 10, yeeees, I AM sure that you have changed a little since that one was taken, but really it ........ what,s that Fnord? oh no dear, please DON,T take that tone with me and the language...............oooooohhhhhh.

The above has to be imagined in the voice of Joyce Grenfell.

Yes I know I am an OLD BAT, and Fnord I can remember going out to "discos" and laughing about OLD women being in the same place. At that time the OLD women were aged about 25!!!

I am considered a youngster though in the choir I am most definitely "the girl" if you have ever watched Dad,s Army, I am a bit like Pikey!! the only one under 60!!

However, as I am more than old enough to be your mum, who is probably younger than me anyway, you are excused if you call me O L D!!!

Jane

Being so young, I know not whom this Joyce Grenfell is. The only Joyce I know is he of Ulysses, Finnegans Wake, and c.
Nah, you ain't young. And I promise to get a good photo soon.

Nope Fnord

I aint young my dear, I am an ancient old bat, must be so as I remember Joyce Grenfell!!!! ahhh, but she was a very clever woman, an actress, musician, singer, did brilliant monologues as well as a writer, she used to be in the 1950,s St. Trinians films, (yes even though I am quite ancient, I wasn,t actually born in the 50,s) she played policewoman Ruby Gates, engaged to the police seargent for 15 years. Just ask your great granny she will know who I mean

Send that photo, soooooonnnnnn.

Who is Finnegans Wake?



Jane