h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I went to the hairdressers today, the young lady appointed to doing my hair asked me how I would like her to style it, I replied, "sweetheart, I just don,t care what you do, just let me come out of here looking 10 years younger".

You see, later this month I will be reaching the grand old age of 43, I only admit to 39, but of course I know the truth, the real truth, the ravages of time, the extra wrinkles which seem to appear daily, I look in the mirror and count them, only to think, well yesterday there wasn,t one there, or here, but they seem to spring up overnight, like the addition of facial hair suddenly spurting from unknown crevices under the chin!! I had those waxed off today as well!!

As the femail body starts preparing for menopause it has a habit of spreading out around the middle, which is not flattered by the fashion of low slung hipster trousers which the trendy 40 + like me would like to wear, they simply push up the spare tyres further, to make you look like you would never drown if thrown into a swimming pool!!

The kids suddenly see you as an embarrassement, not someone that should be out in public drinking, smoking and laughing, after all, youngsters today are taught well against the dangers of such vices which were really considered "cool" in the 70,s and early 80,s, the 40 +,s measure of a good time!! and boy, didn,t we enjoy ourselves then, John Travolta and Saturday night fever, discos, sparkly dresses, big shoulder pads and the all important BIG HAIR!! I just wanted to look like Farrah Fawcett or Madonna in those days!! well, I must admit, I wouldn,t mind looking like Madonna now, she doesn,t seem to have a squidgy spare tyre in the middle at 40 +, so why do I??

I can,t afford liposuction, or a face lift, or an anything lift, I don,t have the discipline to go to the gymn 3 times a week, I love to drink beer and eat crisps, I am simply far too stressed to give up smoking, well I do love a cigarrette it goes really well with a nice, cold, beer, so I will simply continue to ask my hairdresser to do a good job and take off at least 10 years..................well, they do their best................I am only 39 after all!!!!!!!

hi Jane,

I must be the only woman I know who doesn't worry about 'aging'. I know plenty of men who don't mind this but it seems women are much harder on themselves. Probably because society is harder on us to look a certain way and a lot more emphasis has always been placed on our physical appearance. Men get to go balc and have beer bellies and can *still* be sex symbols but I have yet to see an overweight 40+ woman being considered 'sexy' by the media. Also, in films, tv programmes and adverts it's quite common to see a really ordinary looking guy 'getting the babe' but this rarely, if ever, happens the other way around.

Yes, I know - an intelligent person should not be affected by this sort of thing and should be able to see those media images for what they are. But in fact, they are images we have been seeing since we were children and although I know it's all bullsh*t now (and have known for some time) a certain amount of 'negative conditioning' remains lurking around in my unconscious.

But somehow, although I can still feel insecure about many things, getting older isn't one of them. I have certainly never lied about my age (46 1/2) which is probably a good thing since my memory is so crap .

A woman I know (who still has big hair, btw) recently met a guy who is nine years younger than her and she ended up lying about her own age. Now it looks like it is turning into a relationship and she doesn't know *how* to tell him she is in fact 42 and not 38.

As for Madonna and her ilk, I'm sure she hasn't had a beer or eaten one crisp in the past twenty years. Plus she has personal fitness and yoga instructors, professional hair and makeup people etc and anyhow, it's her *job* to look like that. But I think that spending so much time and effort on one's appearance must end up making someone rather dull and uninteresting as a person.

So anyhow - when's your birthday? Are you going to celebrate? I always make a big fuss over myself on my birthday, including refusing to work on that day because it is MY day. And I usually manage to get someone to take me out and make me feel special. And I tell *everyone* I happen to see that day (well, who I know, of course) - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Have fun, honey (while you're still young!)

az

Hi Az sweetheart,

I will be 43 (shhhh don,t tell anyone) on June 28!! all my friends are urging me to have a party or at least go out dressed up as St. Trininans girls!!! the friend who is pushing the St. Trinians thing is 63 and does disco dancing like I have never seen!!!

Actually, I don,t really give a s*** about ageing, it,s really all in the mind, and it beats the alternative!! as Luisa always says, (she is a trendy 49 year old, married to a very conservative husband who is a teacher and part-time journalist).

As a matter of fact I am convinced that I have far more sex-appeal now than I did 20 years ago, (whether or not anyone else thinks so is irrelivent - did I spell that right?? somehow it looks wrong, well you know what I mean), hell only today I got invited out to lunch or dinner by the sub-manager of the bank that I use, I just turned as red as a tomato and suggested we went to McDonalds with my kids, in my attempt to turn the whole invitation into a bit of a joke!!!!! he made it clear he was NOT joking!!! he is an absolute darling who is always very sweet to me and tries to help me as much as possible, not particularly handsome but very tall and elegant, he definitely has something very attractive about him and I like him very much, he is really good fun, and makes me laugh, unlike my husband, who usually makes me cry!!!!!!

It,s not at all fair though that men are considered attractive when they reach a "certain age" and women are past their sell by date, but I do believe in making the best of what nature gave us and enhancing that, and disguising the failure points!!

Poor, poor Madonna, what she is missing, surely she would love a "pringle" or three, and a lovely, cold she should come and see me and indulge herself a little, I am very much aware that the secret of having an enviable body is to deny yourself of such pleasures and take in less calories than you are going to use up, but I am weak, I just love a little of what I fancy...........

Talking of enviable body,s I have a gorgeous friend who is also a gym teacher and has always had a body to die for, she is now 4 months pregnant and is expanding rapidly, I have never, ever seen her indulge herself so much, every time we go out she is eating, something which I have never seen her do before, so, of course I have to keep her company.............I wouldn,t want to see her eat alone..........................very boring..........................

Love
Jane