h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I like to think so, given that said shirt (right said fred shirt?) is usually about three sizes too big for me. Basically, can't be arsed anymore to try and look sexy in a world gone mad. A world that in the past few decades has seen the 'female ideal' go from soft, roundish, womanly, Marilyn voluptuousness to that of stick thin super-models whose bodies resemble half-starved adolescent boys after breast implant surgery.

Having said that, even twenty years ago when I was stick thinnish and considered quite pretty, I began wearing bigger and bigger clothing - which actually looks kinda cute and waifish when one is young and thin. I just couldn't understand why 'sexy' had to mean wearing uncomfortable, unbreathable-in, painted on clothing and meanwhile having to teeter around on death-defying shoes.

I got fed up with the whole 'trying to look sexy biz' - which I realized was in fact a male-oriented sort of biz anyhow, and not one I wanted to support. I thought to myself, as I started wearing bigger and bigger clothes - who am I trying to impress? And what am I doing anyhow by wearing tight clothes, other than advertising my body - to whom and why?

Twenty years ago I gave away my last pair of jeans - probably the most uncomfortable piece of clothing ever invented this century. Then I stopped wearing trousers altogether, opting for longish, flowing skirts and soft loose dresses (such relief! I could breathe again!) And was very surprised to find that men still found me 'sexy'. Perhaps because the less contricted I feel by my clothing, the 'sexier' I feel myself. I personally like my clothes to feel like I'm not wearing anything at all. And to me, that is quite a sexy feeling.

A neighbour of mine recently tried to tell me that if I wanted to 'attract a man' I had to go for 'bigger hair and less clothing'. Say what? I found it a bit strange that she thought I was actually in the business of trying to attract a man in the first place. She is quite into the big hair, tight clothing, teetery shoe thing - and she hasn't had a boyfriend in ten years! Go figure.

It's all just too sad for words sometimes. This 'trying to attract' people by presenting an image that - at least to me - seems so silly and unnatural.

Me? I'm sticking to comfy shirts and if anyone has the balls to want to know me better - and to maybe get to see what is under right said fred shirt - then they can make the effort. If not? Well, frankly, I do have better things to do.

You wouldn't believe this but I've gone from bigger and better to smaller and tighter! (I'm talking about clothes!) The thing is that all my life (what there has been of it so far) I have been on a perpetual diet. Well, that's not exactly true, it's been on and off and on again and I've tried just about every diet that exists. My problem is that I LOVE FOOD. I enjoy cooking and do it well so I'm told. Once I reached THAT PERIOD in a woman's life when she's never going to be the same again, I put on even more weight and started wearing long shirts and jumpers over everything to hide the bulges. Then last summer my life changed drastically, I was extremely ill, had pancreatitis, was rushed into hospital and after 12 days had an emergency operation to take out my gall bladder which was the root of the problem. I was on a strict diet for about 6 months afterwards during which time I lost 18 kilos and now I find I have the body I've always wanted and consequently I'm now back into jeans and tops and I feel marvellous. (Forget the teetering heels though, I'm only comfortable in flat shoes.) Energy abounds and I feel much healthier than I have in years. The down side is that people I work with and who took no notice of me before have started taking notice and asking me out which really gets me mad. After all, I'm still the same person inside as before. That's Spanish men for you!

The worst thing about losing so much weight is that nothing fits anymore. I'm quite handy with a needle and I have a sewing machine too so that's what I've been doing recently, taking things in. However, I won't alter all my clothes as I don't know how long this state of things will last.

When it comes to fashion or comfort, give me comfort any day!

well, hello sexy beast!

Glad to hear you are enjoying tight clothing again - even though it took a serious illness to get you to your present body size.

Like you, I've been on every diet known to man - although, except when I was a child (and except for right now) I've been mostly very thin and healthy and - dare I say it? - quite sexy. (well, according to the feedback I got).

The difference is that I gave up tight clothes and opted for big shirts and long drapy stuff when I was still quite young and thin - I just got fed up with the whole 'sexy' game and decided to be comfortable instead.

Weird note - boyfriends or husbands I had at the time often wanted me to 'sexy up' and wear smaller clothes when I went out with them. And I thought - huh? Why would that be? Cos they wanted to show off that they were with a sexy babe? Like, how pathetic is that! So I told them to stuff it, that I was just me and didn't feel like going around showing off my body to all and sundry. Needless to say, this didn't go over very well. Which is part of the reason why these are all ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands.

As for teetery shoes - forget it man. Heck, I can't even wear lipstick. So, what sort of WOMAN am I? I just keep forgetting I have it on and it ends up getting smudged all over my face somehow. I only learned to wear mascara about five years ago - and then had to learn to keep myself from rubbing my eyes all the time. My big-haired friend was aghast yesterday when I bought some new brown mascara at the Body Shop - she said 'surely you need BLACK mascara!' And I started to say, 'well, that would make me look like I had spiders on my eyelids . . . ' and then I saw her black encrusted eyelashes! Oops. And she's blonde. Ho hum.

As I say, I will probably never become a 'proper woman' in my lifetime. Kinda makes me laugh, actually . . .

az

There was a survey done where they showed men and women a range of photographs of women of different shapes from the Kate-Moss-Anorexic to the Rosanne-Barr-Big-a-and-Gorgeous and asked them which shapes they considered to be the most desirable. The results were two different belle-curves. The women's bell-curve peaked much nearer the Kate Moss end of things, the men's was much nearer the the Rosanne end than the women's. The moral of the story is that men like curves and something to grab hold of, but women don't believe it, and some men don't admit it.

This - and the fact that men definitely do like my curves - has given me much more confidence, and permission to view myself as a sexual and sexy woman. The bugger of it is that fashion is still run by gay men who like boys, and that it is much easier to make off-the-peg clothes for girls with no shape. I look gorgeous in the right clothes, but they are hard to find.

Ben

hi Ben,

I've read that too - in the Beauty Myth, I think it was - that the majority of men actually prefer women who look like real women. And that the ones who like stick-insect women are afraid of women's sexuality (like, all that lovely sensual flesh threatens them somehow).

Liz Hurley admitted torturing herself after the birth of her baby to get back to her previous super-thin shape saying, 'because, quite frankly, I'm PAID to be able to fit into tiny little clothes'. Ho hum.

I'm presently designing a line of women's clothing - soft, drapy, all-natural comfy stuff that is also sexy and flattering (or at least I think so). I've got a lot of feedback from foreign women here (in Spain) that they can never find anything to buy at the shops because all the clothes are cut to be far too tight for comfort. So I will at least have a small and select clientelle with the foreigners here - Spanish women seem to like pouring themselves into their clothes.

So yes, I agree that curves look very nice on women - and no doubt they also feel nice to men. What could be more uncomfortable than hip-bones grinding together during sex!

Also, being able to do simple things like breathe, eat and sit down in my clothing is quite a basic necessity to me. Plus I think it adds a bit of mystery not to 'show all'.

mysteriously yours,
az

Hi Azahar ,

Wandering past your page and saw this conversation.

Do you ladies mind a man adding his opinion?

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\.

Hi Math,

I hadn't been aware it was a 'ladie's conversation' so yes of course you are welcome, as always.

Meanwhile, am working on my rather pathetic personal page - not doing too great so far but another h2g2 friend is helping me out. Watch this space, as they say.

So, opinion away, my favourite druid!

az

Hi Azahar /|\.

"So yes, I agree that curves look very nice on women - and no doubt they also feel nice to men. What could be more uncomfortable than hip-bones grinding together during sex!"

I couldn't agree more. Maybe it's my Welsh upbringing but all I ever wanted to do with 'skinny' girls was take them home to my mam for a feed. They don't look healthy and, according to darwinian principles, are not attractive mates.

"Plus I think it adds a bit of mystery not to 'show all'."

Absotively posilutely, hubba hubba, etc .

A blessing on normal ladies everywhere.

Matholwch /|\.

hi math,

Yes, I'm afraid the world has become so unnatural (I mean WHO could ever call what they serve up at McDonalds food?) that also human sexuality and attractiveness has been turned into a bizarre and mostly unattainable image that - as you admit yourself - you do not find personally attractive.

But even when someone is attractive, or even really beautiful (males as well as females), why has this been turned into some sort of 'personal accomplishment' when of course it is only a bit of genetic luck. The 'luck' bit being if your genetic makeup fits into the fashion of beauty of the time you've been born into.

The mind reels.

I fear that people are so into image these days that they wouldn't know a real person if . . . oh sorry, too tired to come up with an 'if' clause there. So just fill in the gap however you like.

silly old world . . .

az

i don't go much for exciting clothes either. tried to update myself 2 years ago, and now i'm just wearing jeans + t-shirts anyway. i like jeans. tracksuits look awful on me. not to mention mauve...
J
PS nice to have a sane person on the lies topic, but not sure why u agree with hoovooloo. seems a hot head to me. i probably appear that way myself.

hi Jemima,

Trust me, mauve does not look good on ANYBODY!

Did I agree with Hoovooloo? I thought I told him a lot of what he called lies was something else - metaphor.

He does seem quite hot-headed when it comes to religion. In other ways he is quite lovely and caring. I like him a lot.

And you seem to also have your own views about religion. So just keep making your points and try to remain open. You might learn some stuff. You might learn that some things you believe now perhaps are not valid in the face of blunt argument and other knowledge - and you might learn that some beliefs you have actually stand up to the challenge. But you won't learn unless you keep trying to learn.

You're really just 15? And you already know that mauve is a totally crap colour? Wow!

Trust me, you are well on your way . . .

Nice to hear from you. Keep in touch if you like.

az

I just wanted to find out what planet you are from. I can't for the life of me remember where they only invented jeans in the last 1oo periods of anywhere I know.

The trouble with the Guides here is they all seem to have been censored to keep the "big secret" from getting out. I can't think why.

I've got a memory like you apparently. Forgot to pack my own copy before I came here, it's been ghastly trying to adjust.

One thing that I shall have to file is a report on the penchant for the female of the species here (in countries where shoes are the norm) to wear crippling devices on their feet for the purpose of accentuating their sexuality.

researcher 219823

Why is it that you write loads of stuff and I am still left not knowing what you are trying to say? I suppose you are doing this on purpose. Just talking in circles.

What planet am I from? I live here on 'planet doubt' just like you.

What 'big secret' are you talking about?

Well, forget about it. Just go back to doing your usual stuff and I won't bother you again.

Thanks for stopping by.

bye.
az

Hi Azahar .

This is why I love the net, despite being a closet Luddite. All I have to assess you by is what you write, not your curves, winning smile, sparkling eyes, latest hair-do, stylish clothes or fast car.

We interact on the level of the spirit and the intellect. There's chemistry but no sex, rapport but no expectation, generosity of spirit not wallet.

As a druid and a priest I find the combination exhilarating and yet, sometimes depressing. For I also come across deceit, cowardice, intellectual bullying and all the vices of mankind. But the reward is worth the pain so I remain.

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\.

hi again Math!

Just sent you a posting on the thread I received your homecoming message on. It's great that you're back.

You know, I was thinking this morning as I was out walking around town, doing a bit of shopping and errands, enjoying the sunshine, just how much 'less alone' I feel now since I got on this forum and met so many lovely people (yourself included of course!)

I mean, now I might remember something someone wrote, or think about something I'd like to say, or just think over an issue raised. Or even just think about how someone had made me laugh. It's so nice.

And yes, there is lots of chemistry, as you say. Of course no sex! Hey, I'm too far away! And anyhow, all my favourite male friends are happily married. But I'm teasing. I know what you mean. We are getting along on a level that most people don't do - mostly we have no idea what each other looks like, how we dress, etc. It's all about ideas and how we present ourselves as, well, US. No frills.

Yes, there is occasional bullying and other crap - but so far it's been mostly good. And especially cos I got to meet you too!

Talk to you soon,
az

Hi Azahar .

You're welcome.

Oh, by the way, if you do come across a bully let me know. I have a line in bully bemusement that seldom fails. First I am unremittingly nice to them, then I tie them up in pedantry before finally boring them insensible. It's what druids do best .

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\.

Interesting. I've lived most of my life in trousers. Now my man likes me in skirts and dresses. I'm not sure whether I've hidden in the trousers. Most clothes don't fit me without some alteration. I have a *small* waist and *larger* hips. Someone told me that waist/hip difference used to be considered really attractive. My man tells me that he thinks I should draw attention away from my waist as it makes me look unbalanced, so he obviously doesn't think so.

I don't have an ample bosom, though.

So trousers bag round the waist. Dresses and blouses often have too low a neckline. I find getting clothes that I consider flattering difficult. If I honestly looked at my wardrobe, there are few things in it which I would buy now and most don't fit properly.

One of the things that I'm planning to do is go through my wardrobe and prune it - something I find difficult to do. If I threw everything out that isn't quite right, I'd probably be left with very little.

hi Zarquon,

What really makes me laugh is when I see someone like Elle McPherson described as 'curvy' in the newspapers. She's about as curvy as, as a, well, as a really uncurvy thing!


hi Math,

Thanks for the offer of Druid Protection - let's hope I'll never have to take you up on it (though you have already helped me out with you-know-who on the God thread - not a bully, just extremely petty and annoying).

besos,
az

Hi Az,

You should read my entry in "book of the future" - "celebrate the curves"!!!

I feel very strongly about this subject, being a chocoholic, well rounded kind of woman, for years I fought against my "voluptuness" now I am very comfortable and happy with my curvy bits - cellulite apart of course.

After my son was born, 6 years ago, I got really, really, really thin, almost to the point of anorexia, which I now realise to have been probably caused by post-natal depression kind of stuff, I became obsessed with not eating and weighing myself and cleaning!!!! (usually I HATE cleaning and not eating) and I was so UGLY in the face, I aged about 15 years, now with my curvy bits, firmly back in place, I look much better, healthier and .... dare I say it..... much more "guapa"!!!

It is all to do with having a positive self-image, if someone does not like me the way I am, then it,s their problem, not mine, and I have decided to never, ever, ever, again diet, yes, I try to eat healthily, but if I fancy a bar of chocolate or a beer, I will have it.

A dear, lovely friend of mine is an aerobics and swimming instructor, who has always had a figure to die for, now she is 3 months pregnant and is eating ice-cream and crisps like they are going out of fashion, yesterday she complained that already she was developing a tummy, I told her, darling, why are you complaining, I have a tummy like you and I am not pregnant!!

I am not overweight, just normal, but hipster trousers and cropped tops are simply out for me, well I think that they should be out for even slim women once they pass a "certain age"!! (unless of course you are Madonna).

So, enjoy your sexy shirts, I am in the business of supplying clothing to the more well endowed figures, my clients are usually ladies of larger proportions, many of whom are very attractive, pretty and sexy ladies, I know many men who appreciate my own "curves" (my husband does not know of course, and I am not about to tell him!!!!!) my kids tell me that I have a big bum, and find it extremely amusing!!!

Viva las curvas

Jane

Jane,

Hola guapisima! Read the article - very funny.

Hey, tried to send you a message on your personal page and got that other 'book of the future' page come up. So, got nervous and didn't post you anything.

Shall try again. If it doesn't work, perhaps you could start a thread to me on my personal page. Thanks!

az