h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It has come to the attention of the Winged Monkey Welfare Union that you have been remiss in the following aspects of welfare for your winged monkeys.

1. Blood sacrifices must be made to individual monkeys, not as a group excercise. This is to ensure servitude, evil thoughts and to stop them from eating your eyeballs. *Winged Monkey Personal Protection Guidelines section 3b)

2. Winged Monkey jackets and hats should be tailor made to specifications listed in World Dominator Fashionistic Extreme, not, as evident by inspection of your Winged Monkeys- Domination Now, A Guide for beginners.

Apart from the above, the Winged Monkey Welfare Union offers its support for your hopeful ascension to Grand Evil Doing World Domination Lord, Master of all Creation.

Ah Yes! I wondered when you civil libertarians would show up!
Here's the destinction, just so as you can take this back to you boss!
My Monkeys are not part of the WMWU. They are a branch breed through genetic engineering. This particular lot are "EVIL" winged monkeys.
They are a much larger monkey, much smarter and have a great eye for fashion, so they cloth themselves from a catalogue. The sacrifices are easy, I simply invite travelling salesmen, real estate agents and people such as this to the house for free demonstrations and quotes. the monkeys do the rest AND steam clean the carpets when they are done. Anyway they live as well as I do(and I live well)

I would be careful, if you go near the monkey cages, they WILL eat you. they despise all regular monkeys and ALL legal personel, especially advocates. Not to mention that I have a friggin' HUGE shotgun and a great willingness to test it in tresspassers.

MadHamish
(Take you do-gooder, bleeding heart, lefty, poofo, pinko, commo, clap trap and peddle it else where!!!! )

The WMWU has produced guidence notes for Dominators attempting to
"...branch breed through genetic engineering..."

In splicing Evil Gene 39119666 with Evil Gene 31991666 amino acid concentration should be at LEAST 39.25%. This is to insure retina compatibility with cyberoptric implantation. Assuming of course potential Dominators are proficient in Mechatronic applications and Robotic engineering. The Winged Monkeys observed at your establishment appear to have been created with splicing Evil Gene 39119666 with Evil Gene 31991666 at an amino acid concentration of 37.15%. In the event of your forthcoming world take over attempt, the WMWU foresees potential difficulties arising from such, which could lead to the inevitable embarressment of your Winged Monkeys flying constantly to the left in a rather pansy formation which would belittle your standing in the Dominator fraternity.

The WMWU also wish to point out during their visit to Mr. M. Burns of Springfield, the use of guard dogs with killer bees foaming from their rabid mouths presented the WMWU officer with a far greater example of Evil Intent than your threat of "caged" Winged Monkeys or a "huge" shotgun. The WMWU can offer you support in your desire for Earth Supremacy through our "Imaginitive Torture Techniques" or "Threats With Real Malice" courses. Participation of course would enable you to meet like minded Psychotic Tyrants. Apply now and recieve a free copy of "Deadly Desease Companion, volume one, with complementary vial of Typhoid"

Thankyou very much for your concern however it is greatly unwarranted. If you recall "Burnsey" had a crack at winged monkeys and failed miserably. I, on the other hand, being smarter than you average evil genius was not only able to do it correctly the first time, but an added technique I discovered when breeding the "ordinary" winged monkeys with the bouncers from my nightclub.
This makes the "Caged" Evil Winged Monkey a much larger, more robust version without any of the afore mentioned side effects.

Are you bored with your current job? If so we can always use a few extras in my strategy for worldwide domination. Go to my space and answer the question at the bottom of the intro, if you do well, you may have a great future in Lackying (it's quite lucritive and I pay better than most!)

MadHamish
(Don't send anymore of your inspectors, my monkeys are getting too fat and human flesh doesn't freeze well!)