h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hey sweetheart. Sorry if you felt the others were getting at you on tuther thread. Are you ok? There's stuff i wanted to ask you but i dont know where to start... hummm

cuddles xxx

good morning!

I'm just popping in and out of hootoo while I try to clean my flat and organize my classes. AND try to drink my coffee before it goes cold.

What's up?

az

Well, i was talking to my mum the other day and she seems to think i should be over it all now and that everything goes back to how it was, but i don't know that it should or if i want it to. I mean, im not going to be the same ever again am i? And then if im ever with someone again, it can never be serious coz when would i tell them and what would they say i'll either tell someone too soon and they'll run away or too late and they'll never forgive me.

Well, I think that, as with all traumatic events, a part of us is changed forever. But that doesn't mean you can't get on with things. This might not mean that you are 'over it' but you also cannot just stay there with all those feelings that belong to a certain time and place. Because you're not there anymore - you are here and now. So, no, you will never be the same again, but that would be true whether this had happened or not. We are never the same people that we were a year ago, or even a week ago. Little things are constantly changing us, if we're lucky.

You shouldn't underestimate people understanding what you went through, especially someone you feel strongly enough about to have a close relationship with. I've never had anyone 'run away' from me because of what happened. I do think this is a needless worry. I mean, what's to forgive?

I think your mum is partially right in that you should try not to wallow in the feelings you keep having. You don't need to pretend that they don't exist, just don't 'go there' so much, try to find ways of pleasantly distracting yourself (going out with friends, to the cinema, to the gym, whatever). Too much self-analysis can be just as unhealthy as none at all. And sometimes a bit of 'distraction therapy' is much more useful than going through the same sh*t over and over and over again.

It's good that you are sensitive, but sometimes a feeling is just a feeling and one does need to have some self-control so as not to be totally at the mercy of each feeling we get by taking each one too seriously. Anyhow, I know you will be fine.

az

Ok. thanks. Just the way my mum said it was like it actually never happened and i never think about it. and thats not right. She doenst seem to get it. Its not that i expect ehr too, but she speaks like she understands but says the wrong things.

I just think it would change eerything. I mean, if i met someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, i know id have tot ell them, but i wouldnt tell them immediately coz for all i know it would all go wrong and if i told them after i got married ti'd be a case of trust - how would they know there wasnt more i was keeping from them and if i told them before maybe they'd re-evaluate there entire thoughts of me. I duno.

Your mother probably means well, but if you feel she doesn't truly understand, well, maybe just appreciate that she cares even though she ends up saying the wrong things.

I do think you are worrying about nothing. Firstly, I don't see how telling anyone about what happened could ever alter their opinion of you. Secondly, if you did truly fall in love with someone and they loved you too, well, how could having had an abortion change any of that? You seem to be imagining the worst possible scenario.

Surely you have other REAL things to worry about?



az

hmm. ok spose you have a point. I reckon thats got to be a new years resolution. Not quite sure what it is, but it'll appear... What other things to worry about? Exams? Idiotic slutty things i accidently did without meaning to?