h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... how the are you?

I wish I knew!

Less the devil you knew, more the sad old geezer!

Well, it's been a while.

The truth is that I was trying to do some writing in what passes for spare time, and I didn't know where to get an unbiased opinion on the quality thereof before I wasted even more of my time. And I remembered that h2g2 had some sort of writing workshop. In a while I will pluck up the courage to put a few bits and pieces of what may be the greatest work of the decade up for dissection. For the time being I am just playing around and enjoying the company.

I honestly think it's the best company on the internet. I took myself off for two years and have only been back for a 8 weeks or so.

B

I haven't tried anywhere else. I don't know.

Either they fasten elastic bands to us when we join, or they put something in our and/or so that we are forever claimed.

Either way, it's good to see you. I hope that you are still courting and skirting controversy.

You may have been the only reader of the cement (NOT concrete) thing!

I see you are quite involved in the AWW. I have stuck a couple of bits there that may or may not amuse. Just warming up.

I'm not involved in the AWW any more. I was mightily involved in setting it up, but when I came back I really did only come back to Lil's. I'm subscribed to a couple of other things and that's it. It's more peaceful that way.

I'll amble over and take a look at what you post though.

B

Well, thank you for that.

You see what happens, you're way ahead. Actually the AWW seemed like an excellent idea (yours??) but doesn't seem well populated nowadays. I suppose that's always been the way round here. It's just Lil's that goes on and on...

Are you still in Germany? I seem to associate you with Germany somehow.

West Yorkshire. But I was in Hamburg when we were talking last. The AWW wasn't my idea, but I was very much involved in setting up the UnderGuide.

B

Well, don't forget your hat when on t'moor.

I shall poke around the underguide, but am already ready to congratulate you on the enterprise.

Since returning I can't pretend to be over-impressed by current and recent articles. But i see researchers online number in thousands instead of tens. So I suppose that's good. But where do they go?

As we are in the same time zone, I shall say goodnight!

When I know you better I'll tell you about karaokering (is that a word?) "that song" at the top of my voice in a Korean bordello. Thankfully, for the sake of Anglo-Korean relations, I was stopped at verse 3. The bad news is I was then made to sing "Yesterday" which made everyone stop what they were doing (probably a good thing). In total horror.


What is it you do that gets over-paid in Sweden?

(You see, I have been having a really good rummage in your drawers.)

Ach I'm sure I was worth every penny!

I'm an IT Business Analyst - at that time I had a very specific and unusual skillset - not as specific and unusual as those found in korean bordellos of course! These days I'm not overpaid at all! Quite the contrary. On the other hand I belong to the WI and I have a cat.

I have incorrectly given you the impression that I am a habitual frequenter of houses of ill-repute. This is not the case. The correct translation would be 'salon' rather than 'bordello'. But you know a salon to be frequented by ladies of a certain age drinking and waffling (unkind!) on about their afflictions and recipes. These places in Korea are frequented by gentlemen of a certain age (and an uncertain sobriety) who have already dined and who have already drunk themselves silly. They are attended by young ladies who ply them with more food and drink and massage their silly egos before sending them on their way back to their families or hotel. Less 'goes on' than (I presume - I don't know) in a lap-dancing club or a striptease establishment. Nevertheless the revelation reminds me of a silly story with which I shall shortly regale your de-populated AWW with.

I am playing a silly game pretending to stick a google pin in a map. I had you near Ilkley or Bingley, but then you mention WI and cat and now I have you down nearer the border and closer to Hebden Bridge on the other side (of the border - I am not talking seances).

The WI and northern connection brings me immediately to the assumption of a propensity to disrobe at the slightest opportunity (eg a man pretending to make a calendar) and thus the claim to looser morals lies with you and not my upright and discordant self!

Ha!... Sleep tight if you dare.

I joined the WI partly because I rather like the company of ladies of a certain age, and partly because I am partial to drinking and waffling on about afflictions and recipes. And I *really* liked the fact that they gave Tony Blair a slow handclap in 2000.

I won't comment on the geography because the internet is too full of coincidences (it turns out I lived 1/4 of a mile from another hootizen at one time). And you can't get the stalkers these days. I could do with an obsessive compulsive to sort my rubbish and clean the windows.

I am deeply disappointed about the korean bordello though.

Let me have a link when you've written your story.

B

Damunt und blasten. Here's me planning a major career change, to give up the Pheroneous emporium, desert Mrs P and Pheroneous Towers and take myself off to west yorkshire for the specific purpose of cleaning windows and sorting rubbish (in an entirely eco-friendly way of course) whilst stalking the wondrous Ben in the hope of seeing her replicate her calendar pose, and what happens? I am rumbled! At first base!

I wonder how it is that you can communicate with someone without listening to them, and considering their case, and carefully and intelligently making yours in return? If you don't want to communicate, why invite him in the first place? For two minutes on News at Ten? A surge in membership?

Ever happy to provoke! P

Ready and waiting for you at AWW "Conflicting Loyalties" (Sorry forgot how to do links. I will re-train, but not just yet.)

P

Well, thanks to you, I had my moment in the sun. That article made it to the Front Page last week to, I hope, the amusement of a few.