h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was there with a mixed group of British and Europeans. When we were close to leaving, to accommodate the driver of a large delivery van who wanted to do a 3-point turn and needed the room, I moved the car from a legitimate parkplace to outside a closed café, 20-30 yards away. It was then on yellow lines, but there was adequate passing space and since we were soon to leave and one of our party was registered as handicapped (which I think allows brief stays on yellow lines), I thought this okay for a few minutes.

I got briefly out of the car to go and tell my companions (who were in a nearby gift shop) where the car now was and that I was ready to go and returned to the car. A woman approached and said in an unfriendly manner “If that’s your car, move it! If you don’t, there’ll be trouble. I want to put my sign there and you’re in the way. You’ve no right to park outside my café”.
The sign to which she was referring was a heavy advertising sign in the form of an upturned letter ‘V’, about 4 ft high. Evidently she wanted to put the sign in the roadway (which I imagine is not legally allowed).

I said I’d move the car in a minute and turned to see where the group were (strolling my way maybe 10-15 yards away). The woman suddenly thumped me hard on the back and said aggressively “I’ve told you to move, get on with it, you’d better do what I tell you or I’ll call the police”. When I said she had no right to talk to me in that discourteous manner or to behave so aggressively as to thump me, she said “I’ll do what I like; move that car or else. Do what I say and now!”

Some of the group, talking together (but not in English) got in the car, while others continued walking to a second car at the top of the village. Before I could drive away, the woman carried the sign a few feet across the pavement and leant it against the car body. I turned the engine off because I felt if the car moved, the bodywork would be scratched, while also the sign was so high, the wing mirror would have collided with it.

When I went to get out of the car to move the sign, the woman at first pushed with all her weight against the door to prevent me getting out, though eventually stood back. I asked the woman what she thought she was doing, saying I could report her for damage to property. Despite the obvious, she haughtily denied she had done anything, and then in some defiant gesture put her full weight on the sign and pressed it harder against the car. She said “Just try and report me and see what happens, you’ll be the one in trouble, not me”.

I got hold of the sign (so both she and I were now holding it at different points) and, though she resisted, I managed to move the sign away from the car. The woman started shouting at me to let go of the sign and I replied I wouldn’t because I didn’t trust her, saying I thought she might next whack it hard against the car if I let go. She said “Not only that, if I had the chance I’d smash it over your head. Bloody foriegners, think you can come here and do what you like. We don’t need you and we don’t want you. You lot should stay where you belong”, this last in a most derogatory tone. When I said that we weren’t all foreign, she said “If that’s the case YOU shouldn’t be driving around with some and deceiving people”.

About then, a man who was inside the café shouted “What’s happening out there?” and the woman shouted “Come and get rid of this scum for me”. The man appeared and told me to let go of the sign, to which I again replied that I didn’t trust the woman. Out of the blue he then hit me with both fists. The blows were hard enough that I was forced to let go of the sign and I fell about 3 ft backwards. It was my luck (and the man’s) that I fell against the car, and not backwards on to the road. At that point, one of the group came and restrained the man and during a slight wordless lull, while it seemed both man and woman wondered what to do next, I and the companion quickly got in the car and we drove off.