h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Howdy. Thought I might start to annoy the Python sketch conversationers by incessantly quoting it so decided to focus the annoyance here. Don't you feel special? No? Hmm.
How do you like Tokyo (I've never been to Asia and am somewhat jealous)? Did you see Lost in Translation? I bet you weren't expecting the Spanish Inquisition....

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
our chief weapon is surprise....and fear...and ruthless efficiency and a fanatical devotion to the pope and ....oh bugger, I'll come in again....


Tokyo is very cool, hot and muggy in the summer, always crowded, often absurd and somewhat surreal. Not unlike a good Python sketch.

To wit: I once tried to order a cheeseburger in a coffee shop that served both hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches only to be told that since cheeseburger were not on the menu, I couldn't get one.Kindof a Jack Nicholson five easy pieces moment.

Much to my extreme frustration Lost in Translation has not opened in Japan just yet, though I am absolutely dying to see it. The freakish effeminate talk show host that Bill Murray is interviewed by is not a creation of the film. He has his own show and its popular.

The teen idol boy bands here are not a recent phenomenon, which leads to oddities like SMAP, who have been the reigning teen idol kings for a decade now (they are all about 30) despite the fact that they can't sing, act, play music or dance. Since lip synching is unusual here, everyone knows that they can't sing. The only reason they are famous is that all five of them are prettier than all the girls I dated in high school.

Middle aged salary men are facinated by 'cute' schoolgirl cartoons

Middle aged women wear and collect a wide variety of fashionable goods that follow a winnie the pooh or hello kitty or other cutesy animal theme.

Grey Banker types read explicit bondage fantasy comics on the subway every morning and no one even blinks.

Public drunkeness and urination is wholly acceptable, even encouraged

My newspaper runs 'news stories' about crimes utterly devoid of the where's who's and why's (no names, no info about what part of the city, no explanations) yet meticulous records the age and profession of the people involved. ie "A company employee, 37, was arrested on suspicion of committing an indecent act with an unemployed woman, 12.


It is rather like wandering into a Python episode some days.

"NOT the comfy chair....?!!"

I work for a university and the local newspaper runs a "campus watch" article, I think they have taken notes from your paper :"an unknown person described as 6'2", male, caucasian, wearing a white t-shirt with a blue stripe was observed breaking into a dorm room. Total loss is estimated at $26.79. To date no arrests have been made". I pretty much made that up but it's not far from the truth. We have a Campus Watch Wall of Fame where we pin up the most ludicrous ones. We also add pictures of random looking people and label them "unknown person". Yes, I know, but once a geek, always a geek.

I often wonder if the campus police are so busy writing down descriptions of the culprits clothing to actually stop them from commiting the crime. If you asked me what the guy who has sat at the desk next to mine for 2 years looks like I'd have trouble.

Lost In Translation you will either love or hate. I loved it, but I have a soft spot for Bill Murray. Plus, jetlag and culture shock I can empathise with (I'm a Brit living in the US). He manages to convey "I've been on a plane forever and now I'm here I don't know what's going on, please leave me alone" in the opening scenes without saying a word. It's pretty impressive. I just wondered what someone would think from the perspective of living in Tokyo.

Part of my fascination with Tokyo is how much they seem to eat up British (and possibly American) culture. It always seemed like any band I followed as a teenager claimed they got a larger than life reception when they played there.

Living in the US is not entirely dissimilar to a Python sketch. I spend a good portion of time endlessly pronouncing words for people so they can be amazed at how I pronounce them "wrong". In my native land if I sat and endlessly repeated words it would not make me nearly as popular......

So what do you miss most about Canada? Apart from friends and family, I miss random things from Britain, stuff that was such a undane part of life I never even considered that it would be an issue, like certain types of shops or a particular flavour of crisps (or potato chips if you prefer!).

And I leave you with immortal words from Life of Brian:
"You're all individuals"
"Im not...."

clearly a relative of the rabbit in Holy Grail

TOKYO — A man in his 40s from Saitama Prefecture fell into a coma after being bit on the finger by his pet hamster in February and subsequently died, his doctor said Monday. The man, who was asthmatic, fell into anaphylactic shock, — a life-threatening allergic reaction — after being bitten.

He bred hamsters over the past several years and was bitten several time, the doctor said. He is believed to be the first person in Japan to die from a hamster bite. (Kyodo News)

First man to be killed by a hamster. Now THERE is a claim to fame...