h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The term "Political Correctness" refers to a fairly new word game created by intimidated, yet sly pre-vice presidential assistants in order to hasten their climb up the corporate ladder while at the same time confusing their fellow associates into thinking it is for the best. It has evolved into other realms of politics and is now a common form of communication (and much confusion) in every-day life and has grown to incorporate a staggering frequency of hyphenations. For instance, when I go to the drive-thru and order my Chicken McNodules™, and the wait-person inside asks me "Would you like any sauce with that," I respond, naturally, with "Yes, honey, please." (I love the orally blended flavor of deep fried processed chicken parts smothered in honey.) This unguided response poses a problem for the wait person, who not wanting to offend is not quite sure how to respond in turn in a politically correct fashion, but he fumbles out an understandably nervous response, "OK then, sir, what kind do you want?" My response, again, is "Honey." After a few awkward moments of silence I hear, "Yes sir?" It soon dawns on me that this wait-person might be in a belief system in which he regards this conversation in a different, less gender-biased, but no-less-valid manner. I also become aware of more passing moments of awkward silence as I try to reply as simply as possible in order to merge our belief systems into one where I am a little less, flirtatiously-liberal, if you will. Not that being liberal, or flirtatious or even being liberal with the flirtation is negative by any means. I speak into the large plastic menu, "I would like to enjoy HONEY with my meal, and my lovely wife and children would as well. Please provide us all with servings of delicious HONEY. I thank you. And my WIFE and many CHILDREN thank you. Plus, I am not gay. Although I have many gay friends and associates with whom I share mutual respect, and a complete lack of ill will." By this point my wife is urging me to advance to the second window, but I feel fairly certain that my mastery of the ins and outs of pollitical correctness has guaranteed that there will be many packets of honey waiting for me in that bag.