h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If I could think of a more intelligent way to start, I would. I am always concerned that I sound like an idiot. Not a complete moron, of course, but worse, I think; the person who thinks they know something and so they speak freely, too freely - and so the words flow out in a semblance of conversation but the facts are just wrong, wrong, wrong. Like completely stupid stuff. I am paranoid about that.
But hey, I can't be smart. It would take way too much time and then I'd give up and check my email or go make a cup of tea or, I don't know, just stare and drool, and the moment would have passed me by as it has many a time before. So here I am folks,urgent and present, duuhhhh.
I'm 32 and have a kid. No big whup, I know, but for me it's about as defined as I get these days. Maybe that's why my brain has the tensile strength of warm jello. She's a great kid though, nice, fun, good natured, which of course makes me wonder if she's mine. I know for dang sure she is though, I mean that birth was intense. No, I'm not going to give you the squishy details, calm down, this isn't "A Birth Story"or anything, geez. I'm just not likely to forget who she is or where she came from, let's just put it at that. So my days are pretty much taken with her and our little bebe biosphere, but its okay, `cause she is developmentally like the most fascinating science project ever. Its like, don't look now, Mom, I'm going to learn something. Whap! Oh, what, too fast for you? Didja miss it? Keep your eye on the ball, here comes motor skills! Wa-pow! You blinked! I think I'm going to learn to crawl. Ready? Ka-ZAM! And so on...
I'm not a complete desert, though. I do have thoughts beyond diapers and mashed carrot. Its like the mind kinda hibernates those first few months of parenthood and then embarks on the big thaw. It may be snowing outside, but up here in the nursery its drip, drip, drip. I'm warming up. The big question is what I am going to be now that I'm grown up. I can tell you that I have definitely thrown the aspiration to be "an Inspiration to Many" to the wolves. What utter bulls***. Look, you like me or you don't. And if you don't, great. Just one more person to leave me the hell alone so I can get some sleep. I thought I was impatient before. Hah. Patience is reserved for my one-year-old climbing the staircase. Not for the lunkhead who is trying to cut in front of me at the store, or worse, the person I would usually pretend to like so convincingly that I'd end up as their best friend. I know I have shaved my friend ration down by half with that sentence, but I just cannot be bothered anymore. Instead of it upsetting me I feel like I've parted ways with that pile of clothes in my closet I secretly hate but feel really guilty about getting rid of for whatever reason. I am lighter and look better, probably even a little thinner. Ahhh.
Knowing what I'm not is great, but it still begs the question "What am I?" If this is starting to sound a bit sophomoric to you, well, tough mice. I was very busy during my twenties sleeping around so I didn't spend a lot of time in rapt contemplation of my life purpose. Now that I see so vividly what sex results in, it has taken the recreational edge off for the time being so I can concentrate on other stuff, like maybe growing up or skydiving or something. Or something.
A lot of people have PURPOSE. Its their whole aura, to have PURPOSE. I've never had a slick pathway to success like that. There's no looking up into the heavens to see a holy grail; no streaming starlight and ta-da! Or that kind of thing. I just sit on the bus looking out the window and when something looks interesting I get off for a sec to check it out. I'm kind of jealous of the guided. They always look clean. Their shoes always are appropriate for their activity. They always know a good restaurant. And they certainly don't have 'duhhhh' on their opening page.
Tut-tut. Mustn't dwell on the have-nots. That's the good girl talking, pining for the clean cut life she was taught to want. We need to tie that little bitch to a chair and give her the haircut of a lifetime. Pronto. She is such a killjoy! And nowadays, a total waste of precious time. Rebellion is the answer, not Jesus and purse to match. God is so boring. At least the god I've had lunch with lately.
So down with conformity and up with whatever looks good from the bus window. Hope the answer to it all pops up soon. Meanwhile, kid awakes. Gotta go. X