h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oxford suffers badly from attacks of tourists during the Summer months. These
otherwise delightful creatures wander round happily looking at the historic buildings
and accosting passers-by with nonesense questions, like
"Where is the entrance to the University"
(the correct answer to which is "nowhere, as it only has exits"). The best method
of dealing with tourists is to humour them and then resolve never to act like them when you go on Holiday.

I know what u mean about the tourists, but the great thing about them is that they come to see Oxford, famed for its University. (One of two in the city i might add - the other Oxford Brookes University is larger than its famous counterpart) However they tend to come in the summer - when there are very few students left in the city. Stupid of the tourists you might think but it does allow the city to reach its maximum visitor capacity and even out the seasonality of visitor numbers inherent in any tourist destinaiton. (But the traffic's still terrible)

So bring on the tourists and admire one enterprising Oxford University student who used to open his room to the tourists, have tea with them, and allow them to take photos of him ..... all for a nominal fee and in the interests of foreign relations you understand

I really hate tourists ): They block up the streets and dazzle you with their flurescent clothing. They stand around in groups of 50 or so casuing you have to walk on the road along with the busses intent on running you down, probably on the off chance you too are a tourist. Worse still is if they ever get on a bus. Any Oxford resident will testify of the uniquely irritating sensation of being trapped on an overly hot bus full of French schoolchildren shouting at each other as loud as they can.

I have a solution though. Oh yes (:

All Oxford residents should be issued with electric cattle prods and earthing equipment to prevent other resisdents getting zapped. Wandering through the traffic will never be a problem again. Hehehehe......