h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Malcolm, Amanda and Patrick

Firstly I apologise for sending a letter addressed to all three of you but you must know that I have no choice. If I am to be believed then you all have to have the same information.

The three of you have, in so many different ways, been among the finest friends I have been lucky enough to have over the past year. You have between you been there for me, taken care of me, spoilt me; afforded me the greatest hospitality and kindness, made me laugh, made me cry, put up with my tears and helped make the year more bearable. For that I truly thank you, I don't think I would have made it this far without your help.

I now find myself in an impossible situation; the solving of which is out of my control.
I feel that I have somehow become a Ping-Pong ball in a game I never chose to sign up for.
I don't know how the game began, whether by accident or design and to call it a game is actually not appropriate but I cannot think of a better analogy.

It seems that whatever I say, to whoever, no matter how innocuous, can be used to hurt someone else and this hurts me. I now have to think before I answer the simplest of questions or mention something quite innocent that has occurred in case it could be used against someone. That is not a nice place to be.
I am also aware that sometimes things are left unsaid, which is fine and right and proper, and easier.

As you all know I am not in a good space at the moment. My natural resilience is a tad battered and I have a bit of a milestone to face in a few weeks. That is a problem I have to deal with, which is OK.

The impossible situation makes everything difficult. I value all three of you as friends without judgement. I love you all for different reasons. Amanda, you make me laugh so much, you are the worst aqua aerobic partner I have ever had and you are so kind. Malcolm, you have only ever shown me the greatest kindness and care, have been there for me any time day or night and you tell the most appalling jokes! Patrick, you can be so difficult and contrary but I love our rows and the laughter and sometimes you too can be so kind. I just accept the good bits and the bad bits. I could go on about who has more good bits and who has more bad and who has caused hurt and who has caused none, but friendship doesn't work that way; It just is, but I realise I cannot be a Ping-Pong ball any longer. It is not fair to any of us.

You all have to know that I would never willingly disclose anything from either 'camp' as, unfortunately, it now seems to have become, but I am human, complete with all our frailties, including the odd vat of wine.
However, never ever have I said anything to any of you that was intended to hurt, or gain advantage over another. I ask each of you to ask yourselves whether it was fair to use anything, no matter how trivial, that I have said, as ammunition against any third party?

Was that really being a friend to me?

I have deided I will not solve the situation. You will all have to decide whether you want me as a friend or not but now there have to be some ground rules for any future friendship; rules that shouldn't really have to be explained.
I believe for what its's worth that friendship is about taking care, being there and not taking advantage, being as honest as your space permits, and not about ego or pennies or manipulation or jealousy or lies. It is also about forgiveness and sharing a little of life's journey, that part we have all experienced to a greater or lesser extent.

So, if you still choose to be a friend, not one of you will use anything I have told you or may, unwittingly, tell you in the future, to hurt or make gain from or for another soul. (And we all know it would come to light). Nor will you lie. A simple 'I'm not telling you', or 'you don't need to know' is far less painful than the half-truth you may honestly believe will protect. I extend the whole scenario into plural, none of us will ever hurt another person by using information we have been exposed to.

By writing this, I realise I could easily lose all of your friendships, but like I say, I have no choice. It is not a nice place to be. At four o'clock this morning, and completely sober, I decided to write this letter. I don't have the most honourable one to guide me any more; I only hope he approves.
If you can deal with this, and I hope you can, that will be cool. If you can't, I thank you so, so much for past friendship and wish you only good things. I don't believe that anyone on earth has the right to cast the first stone, certainly not I, but I have finally sussed that someone has to be the grown up after all, and it looks like I just got the part.

Take care, my friends.
boots

Friends - the biggest blessing - and the biggest responsibility.

Hope it resolves.

T