h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My arrival in this galaxy is the result of some over enthusiastic foreplay on the part of a rather stupid and egotistical Great Dane (my father) with an equally intellectually challenged but overly trusting golden Labrador. This unlikely and from my mother's perspective, innocent, coupling was noticed by a 'happened to be passing' creative and somewhat sadistic alien, who thought it might be fun to expand the event to a threesome. The genetic consequence, myself, is nothing short of disaster. My passport photo is a bad likeness and my nursery school reports do not bode well for my future.

The remnants of my paternal ego genes are littered about the bit of the universe surrounding my home…'the kennel'… which is where, more often than not, I can be found, licking my paws whilst chewing the most comforting corner of the security blanket towel which was my mother's last legacy.

Were I not handicapped in terms of both size and acoustics... my bark and bulk being far more suited to another, I could possibly lay low for a few million years until this galaxy has moved on.
Alas inquisitiveness, stupidity, and a canines natural need to be loved and petted will be my undoing...once the ball has been thrown, I have to run.