h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was 30years old wen i had my first baby(n reached that age thinking i wasn't going to have ne children at all.....until i found out i was pregnant).
I had the most beautiful baby girl, only 5lb 7ozs full term but soooo beautiful n we called her Louise Marie
because we thought it suited her!
we were so proud of her and were only too willing to show her off wen asked.
Then one saturday afternoon i went to wake her for her feed and she wudn't wake up. Like neone else i suppose, i panicked n neighbours called the ambulance n the crew went through the motions, although we all knew it was futile. No one could see nething through their tears, even the ambulance crew. She was only 9weeks old and .although was putting weight on
normally, was still pretty tiny!
We were taken to the hospital where i worked in the A&E dept and i was met by the sister, (a friend n work collegue)who couldn't say nething for crying and just hugged me. It was only weeks before she had visited us at home to see Louise and bring her a gift!
The baby had been examined by a doctor and pronounced dead so i asked if i could see her and wen i did she was so tiny all wrapped up lying on an adults bed; i picked her up and held her for the longest time! I never made
any noise but tears were blinding me
all the time i was there,I was eventually coaxed to put her down by someone, think it was the hospital chaplin,n THAT'S when i fell apart!
it was then i also had an 'out of body' experience!!
it was so weird, i was near the ceiling watching myself crying in the corner and a lot of other faceless people milling about not knowing what to say! Then my husband arrived,he'd been out somewhere and was told on route to the hospital what had happened and he was staggering as he arrived in then room becaise he was also blinded by his tears!


Days afterwards the coroner phoned me to tell me unfortunately they could find no reason why my baby died and had to class it as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Cot death).This to me seemed to be the cruelest twist of all!!
I might have been able to accept it better had they FOUND a reason for her death but the news only seemed to twist the knife in an already gaping wound in my heart!


However, this horrendous experience has taught me NEVER to take things for granted!
I went on to have two more beautiful n healthy children and although they r now teenaares i STILL go up to their bedroom every now and then when they r asleep and just listen to see if
they are breathing. If i can't hear them breathing i lick my finger and hold it under their nose just to feel their breath.
My friends laugh at this n try and make a joke of it,n i laugh with them, but i will never stop checking on them while they are in my care!
And there is not a day goes bye that i don't tell them i love them or give them cuddles n hugs at every opportunity i get, (even if the atmosphere's not very warm after arguments or disagreements) i will make a point of finding a space to either apologise or just say 'i love you' to them. they are my world to me
and i will never let them forget they are loved by at least one person everyday.

oh trish that is so sad...made me sob! vbbbhgz xxxxx

aaawwww don't let it get to u hun
it was a long time ago now but it still gets to me!!....still i wudn't b human if it didn't wud i?
n thanx for reading it

sent you an e.mail but dont rush to read it...i still soooooooo bored...when i started crying couldnt stop am a real cry baby anyway, was always in floods with platty...am such a crybaby

well i never USED to b, but finding it easier n easier this past year!!
think melanie leaving's had a lot to do with it!! i've NEVER been so hurt!!
still that's life!!
lifes a bitch ...then ya die!!

OMG!! bout time both of us cheered up for a while!!
no wonder no one wants to talk to us!!
lmao big big 's

lmao i know i was just thinking today about what a misery guts i've been lately.
next week i will mostly be *cheering up* lol

yeah well we've both had reason haven't we??
still look on the bright side hun, it can only get better!!

yeah thats what i keep telling myself thinga can only get better.. yeah you just wait until you get that pc..lol there will be no stopping you...the worlds your oyster when your surfing the net..lmao ya like the jargon...eh! flash arnt i....hehehehe

OMG!! spoken like a true pro! (surfer that is!!) lmao
that's wen i'll b allowed on it ofcourse!!
but i'll b watching him like a hawk to
pick up bits n pieces!!
(probably not the ones i want to) but
i'll try owt!!
n speak of the he's just arrived in....aaawwwww me bairn!!
so i'll have to catch u l8r hun
great big n take care

Trish

nite nite hun, nearly made a fool of myself by sending sum1 an e.mail tonight. but fortunately my pride wouldnt let me. so for once i feel i have done sumthing right... after all a girls gotta have sum pride . chat soon hun christina xxxxx

trish read your story luv,it was vey moving,i know we have a laugh and a joke on here...but didnt know youd gone through all that,,
u made auld kendo upset now,which proves im a big softie at heart,,see you soon..xx worzel,kendo,john,,sheesh trish ive forgot which name im under...take care

And here am i in my own little world thinking about how hard i`ve been done by!. Orphaned not once but twice in my life. Instead of realising how lucky i had been to have been adopted by the best parents a child could wish for I hated GOD for playing such a cruel joke on me!! To find out in my teens over an argument i`d been adopted at birth then within the space of two years to lose both those people..was an irony to say the least! I lost all faith in my GOD and for the next few years moped around feeling sorry for myself and in general being a bastard to all and sundry! I`ve done things that i`m totaly ashamed of and have never told people of and try to hide in the back of my mind. (NO i never killed anyone,came close! or raped or abused!)
Then one day i had a little bump on the head! But the nice peeps like you drilled 4 holes in my head and took me to ICU for 2 weeks!! One of the nurses that looked after me used to come and visit when i was put on a general ward...we fell in love married and had TWO wonderful children. GOD had indeed come back into my life! And nowdays i thank him and look back with joy at the wonderful people i call and always will be my MUM and DAD! And look at my children and think how blessed i am. But Trish as you know i`m feeling really sorry for myself at the moment thinking why do these things happen to me??? But i don`t know why you wrote what you did?? But i think in some strange way lots of people will read this and feel exactly like me????? HUMMBLE and not having real problems atall!! So my love life didn`t work out like i`d hoped? Big deal,my jobs crap and i haven `t won the lottery!! F*****g hell life`s Sooooooooo cruel!!!! Trish you must hate GOD with a vengance but even with what happend to you it`s TRUE somewhere in the world at any given time there`s always someone having a s**tter time than you!!!!!!!!!! Trish if nothing else you`ve touched me tonight and brought me to my senses!!!! Nothing i could say to you would be of any comfort!
But if you could find it in your heart to realise that what you have wrote will not only touch me but a lot of other people and will make a differance!!! I never new her,she was only here for nine weeks but she has made a mark!!!!! And i`m sure with not only me but with other people that come across your message!!!! GOD does indeed work in mysterious ways!!!! And believe me when i say that LOUISE through you has touched my life. I honestly feel humble and petty having my hang ups!
Trish please except my sincere apologies in telling you of all my problems that to me were a matter of life and death! But in reality were a blimp that will be all forgten within a few months!!!!!!! Trish my heart and prayers go out to you and LOUISE! If you can still find it in your heart to believe in GOD?
Bye,bye for now. Platty xxxxxxx

morning hunny, sent you an e.mail.

yep n u got two in return!!
i'm nothing if not generous!!

Dear Trish,
I have just read your story, and my heart goes out to you. It is unthinkable for any Mother to go through that experience.
My Wife's elder Sister suffered in the same way. She lost her baby son with unexplained cot death. Graham was her 3rd. child, and the only boy. It took her years to get over it, in fact I don't think she has ever come to terms with it totally.
I'd just like to express my sympathy for you and your heart rending experience.

's and xxxxs
from Dave.

aaawww thanx dave
it was really terrible at the time and i don't think u ever really get over it! but i think u just have to learn to live with it! it was a long time ago now, she wud b 18 if she had of lived, but u still have the nagging
feelings of 'wot if's' n if only's' but if u dwelt on them u'd go mad! so u just gotta learn to accept it!
But wot about these poor women who r jailed for murdering their children if it happens more than once in thier immediate family?
u c? there is ALWAYS someone worse off than u!!
i eventually dealt with it by thinking that at least she didn't die at the hands of a depraved pervert!! she died only ever knowing warmth, comfort and love in her short life.
and i really empathise with ur sister-in-law, cos it never goes away dave, doesn't even fade,but tends to make u a bit stronger fort wot life has to throw at u!!

Trish

Hello again Trish,
I have been down the very road that you mentioned. My second youngest sister died after being sexually assaulted, on the beach here where I live, her name was Elizabeth, and she was 11 years old.
It was a very traumatic time for all of us, and my Mother never got over it.
Like you say, you never really get over these things, but you learn to live with them.

's and xxxxs
from Dave.

OMG!! that really IS awful dave!!
now i really don't know how people deal with sumthing like that!!
that's just wayyyyy past my comprehension!! great big n

Trish xxxx

Thank you Trish,
it happened 44 years ago, and although I can live with it now, I still think of Elizabeth, and I always will.

's and xxxx's from Dave.

very very big
big


trish