h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Had another low-brow day at Nowhere Middle School in Anytown, USA. Lots of stuff has changed in the past three weeks. The French now seem to hate Americans. Can't blame 'em. I hate Americans too. It seems that our president George Bush has led us into a dreat big pile of spit with him and his "Yum-Yum-Shoot-'Em-Up" attitude towards peace. If other countries don't agree with his reasoning, he burns them to a crisp.
On Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey, two mock news anchors, yelled at America last Saturday, and I'd like to just quote them:
Tina: In protest to France's opposition to a US war on Iraq, the US Congess's cafeteria has changed "French fries"and "French toast" to "Freedom fries" and "Freedom toast". Afterwards the congressmen were so pleased with themselves they all started "Freedom kissing" each other. In a related story, in France, American cheese is now referred to as "idiot cheese".
Jimmy: Trust me. They're laughing at us. French fries aren't even French -- they're Belgian. Some American guy named them wrong to begin with. Also Americans--they're pouring bottles of French wine down the toilet? STOP IT! You already paid for the wine, you dopes! Pee in a wine bottle and sell it to some French people, THEN you're doing something!
Tina: And don't think that by eating Freedom fries that you're being patriotic and helping the war effort. Use less gasoline; read a newspaper. You know what: how about we cool it with the Freedom fries anyway, you fat asses? We are the fattest country in the world. Have you ever walked around and American mall?: It's nothing but Chik-Filets and Lane Bryant track suits busting at the seams!
Both: DO SOMETHING!!!
Whew! Feels good to get that off my chest!

Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so.

Rita