h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The odd thing that I found, when trapped in one of Bangkok's perpetual traffic jams, ( as a passenger in a TUK TUK ) was that everyone seemed so facially calm, and at peace with the world. However the body language peace contrasted with the way that they were all obeying the Thai Highway Code Rule 1 which states.

If your vehicle is stopped due to any means outside your direct control, ( such as a solidly gridlocked traffic jam ) then it is mandatory to sound the horn continuously until the impediment to progress is removed. The horn may be pressed either with the hands or feet Sometimes the noise can be such that you are convinced that each of the 5 people riding the nearly Honda 50cc Moped must have his own personal horn.
I am informed this calm ( or is it Karm?) is due to the influence of the monks in the saffron robes. who wander about aimlessly amongst the other pedestrians.

Floods: some Bangkok streets are prone to flooding in heavy rain, certainly to as much as a foot deep. These waters are to be ignored by drivers. Cars will keep moving, their bow waves rocking parked vehicles by the roadside. Pedestrians also should keep moving. Cockroaches, seeking high ground away from the flood, are able to run up your legs at a truly astonishingly speed, and so can be added to your list of unwanted nasties you might pick up in Bangkok.

Out of the capital, and in the tourist resorts, you may be able to hire a car from its owner by the roadside. He may need to be convinced that you can drive, but a 50 yard drive in a straight line will usually be enough to convince him of your skills. But beware: you are not hiring a UK style rental car here. My last hire was an open top jeep style vehicle with totally bald tyres and a starter motor that had to be bounced to unjam it every time I drove. But the weather was dry, and Schumacher always seemed to do quite well on slicks....so....
The first problem I had , in a crowded country village, on a downhill bend, was being confronted by two elephants travelling in front of me at a snail's pace. Now to anyone who has never passed an elephant on the road before I must emphasize, that these are not your ordinary Chester Zoo elephants: these are HUGE, many times larger than our British asylum seeking elephants, and gaily decorated with designs and Thai writing ( which probably said "keep right" or "beware of the tusks" or something similar.) It is very worrying to pass a couple of these beasts, not knowing whether they might trample you underfoot, or toss your vehicle into the ditch if they choose not to like its colour.
Another biological hazard is the buffalo, water buffalo? Carabao? Whatever. These are also pretty damn big, and 100% stupid. None of them has ever read any road safety leaflet, I guarantee it. One chose to wander across the road as I approached. Now here is where the bald tyres come into full effect. A dry and dusty, but otherwise smooth road can transform one's nicely controlled braking into a neat sideways slide. The braking effect of hitting a caribou side on is far greater than the standard required for the Thai MOT test. Anyway the said caribou turned its head curiously to see what sort of mosquito had hit it, and then unconcernedly continued its search for greener grass on the other side of the road.

Nao