h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

2 depressing things happened today:

Firstly, three quarters of my class have clearly drunk deeply from the pool of stupidity over Christmas.

Secondly, my 22 year old teaching student has never heard of The Smiths or Morrissey. I am still in shock.

Hi just thought i would contact a fellow liverpudlian and wanted to sympathise that sort of ignorance should be enough to get you dismissed as student teacher, no wonder you were depressed.

by the way was tha the liverpool of stupidity

It gets worse: when I brought in some Smiths to play for him,he said "Oo, they sound really poppy and upbeat."
He had also never heard of Half Man Half Biscuit.

That is unforgiveable, perhaps must be a lost case im afraid.
Namedropping alert, was recently on a walking course with friend of nigels so talked a lot about Half Man Half Biscuit(too much)Their latest cd is wonderful 27 yards of dental floss is an absolute classic. By the way enjoyed your pj article, i do not think people outside the area have a full appreciation of what a phenomena it has become.

I think my favourite HMHB track is "The Len Ganley Stance."
Student (from Bury, so why was I expecting otherwise?)today professed ignorance of both the Pixies and Alfred, Lord Tennyson.Unfortunatley I had to come home sick at lunchtime (curse those pesky infectious children) and leave my class to his tender clutches. Still, always good to have quality duvet time.
I once went on a blind date with a bloke who was briefly HMHB's drummer. I also once kissed Pete Wylie in the mistaken belief that he was a fat friend of mine called Les Lloyd. Plus my best friend's cat once crapped on Craig Hignett's pillow.
The latest haute couture pairing is crumpled PJ's tucked into calf length suede fringed boots.MMMM...lovely.

I think my favourite HMHB track is "The Len Ganley Stance."
Student (from Bury, so why was I expecting otherwise?)today professed ignorance of both the Pixies and Alfred, Lord Tennyson.Unfortunatley I had to come home sick at lunchtime (curse those pesky infectious children) and leave my class to his tender clutches. Still, always good to have quality duvet time.
I once went on a blind date with a bloke who was briefly HMHB's drummer. I also once kissed Pete Wylie in the mistaken belief that he was a fat friend of mine called Les Lloyd. Plus my best friend's cat once crapped on Craig Hignett's pillow.
The latest haute couture pairing is crumpled PJ's tucked into calf length suede fringed boots.MMMM...lovely.

I think my favourite HMHB track is "The Len Ganley Stance."
Student (from Bury, so why was I expecting otherwise?)today professed ignorance of both the Pixies and Alfred, Lord Tennyson.Unfortunatley I had to come home sick at lunchtime (curse those pesky infectious children) and leave my class to his tender clutches. Still, always good to have quality duvet time.
I once went on a blind date with a bloke who was briefly HMHB's drummer. I also once kissed Pete Wylie in the mistaken belief that he was a fat friend of mine called Les Lloyd. Plus my best friend's cat once crapped on Craig Hignett's pillow.
The latest haute couture pairing is crumpled PJ's tucked into calf length suede fringed boots.MMMM...lovely.

Ah i spot a namedropping challenge got introduced to the singer in the Lotus Eaters, a lot of the Farm(Mind you who has not been in the Farm at some point)Went to school with Mark Hateley, no sorry still cannot get close!!
Hope the news of your imminent death is premature and that you get a chance to get revenge on those pesky kids, also save them from the fate of any more influence from student teacher, bury does provide some mitigating circumstances. Saw Pixies twice unfortunately they were much better in London than Royal Court.
Thanks for the latest PJ Update it nice to know whats happening from somebody with there finger on the pulse.
Still laughing at the drunk shopping, top stuff
Keep under that duvet

Jeremy Kelly of The Lotus Eaters is my friend's daughter's uncle. So there!

"What she said: 'I smoke, because I'm hoping for an early death, and I need to cling to something'" (Not really, I find the Seroxat works wonders, hence dancing for the cleaners every friday at work, plus flashing my bra at the caretaker - it was a comedy moment that had to be seized).

My brother was on The Open University once, does that count? He spent hours agonising on the right haircut and shirt for posterity.

Like to know a person who knows how to grab a comedy moment.
What was your brother presenting on the OU, The Right Haircut and
Saved for Posterity do have the ring of Liverpool bands. Hope you have a tape of the event, should get cult status depending on what time of the morning it was shown.

He was a sad computer-geek type ergonomist in the late '80's who was demonstrating voice activated computers. it was v. dull.

He once shared a car with the drummer from Lloyd Cole's Commotions.
Plus his children's nanny ( traitor to the working class roots or what?)is the sister of Baroness Kennedy (apparently).

My other brother once had a drink with Lempit Opik, and another of my close friends used to date Noddy Holder.

( I'm aware much of this sounds far-fetched, but If i was going to invent this, it would be MUCH more interesting, so therefore is all true).

Yes it is one of the rules of the universe that facts like that are indisputable. Just remembered one of my brothers friends uncle was Les Pattinson (Bunnyman)and another of his friends was in a band with Pete Burns just to make sure do not feel alone in these tales.
I must admit i would never go for a drink with Lempit Opik it would be just too off putting, him shouting meteor and diving under the table. Your brother certainly has a full life ergonomics and a nanny who is a class traitor!! Anyway that is enough silliness for now(surely not)

Silliness has infinite boundaries.

In 1986 I used to read out travel news on BBC Radio Merseyside's breakfast show. One morning I made coffee for Eric Heffer but pointedly did not make one for David Alton.

God Bless the Bunnymen. My mate Del shared a spliff with Pete Wylie at one of Electrafixion's (?) gigs (come to think of it, it might have been Julian Cope - the gig, not the spliff sharer, that is).

Did not know i was messaging a bona fide celebrity, reading the travel news on RM WOW!! No seriously i am impressed.
Great that you missed Alton out, Heffer is greatly missed. Trying to scrape the pennies together for next month when Benn comes to town.
Remember seeing the Redskins at Pickwicks when Hatton was supposed to attend but never turned up. Saw the Bunnymen a couple of times, gathered that Cope wasnt the spliff sharer probably would have been something stronger. Cope is batty as they come but none the worse for that. Went to loads of gigs around then so will shut up now otherwise you will be asleep.
On a more serious issue must admit like a lot of people loved the clangers,what happened to the comeback, i feel a campaign starting.
think the youth of today would be more rounded knowing of the soup dragon.

Cope is indeed a batty God. His gigs are one big love in.
Youth of today are callow and ignorant: clanger philosophy would benefit them all. I once bought a video of "Chigley" in, in the mistaken belief that they would be enchanted. All I got was the response "State of that Miss, it's just Plasticene", and, "hah, can't they move any faster?" So I would hate to taint the clangers with thier ignorant foolery.
Where do you stand on:
a) Rubarb and custard
b) alcohol
c)Marx (groucho, not karl)?

Fast coming to the conclussion that your class is beyond help, dont like giving up but ..................
Rhubarb and custard do you mean the cartoon or the delicious dessert.
The former was ok, but the latter is tops, after extensive research found that my favoutite is to let it cool pop in fridge and eat the next day requires much self control but the result is brilliant. Do not eat until the custard is orange.
Had love hate relationship with alcohol hated all beers but eventually stumbled on vodka which i now have regularly(smirnov if at all available, (if you are listening Mr Smirnov a few cases round the back of site for the free plug!!).
Karl is ok but Groucho is much the funnier of the Marx brothers, recently went to The Phil on one of their classic film nights to see A Night at the Opera, a truly great film, mind you would give most of their films the time of day.
Just off to avoid the horror that is Valentines Day

Both my class and myself are beyond help.
Duck Soup is by far the best of the Marx Brother's Opus, and is especially relevant today (Groucho : " We may as well have a war;we've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.")
I love the look, smell and colour of rhubarb: I just can't abide the taste. Mind you , it's not as bad as celery, which, as everyone knows, is the devil's penis. I much prefer the cartoon, particularly because Custard the cat reminds me so much of one of my evil two ( The ginger-winger as opposed to tabby-won-Kenobi).
Hope you succesfully avoided Valentine's day: I avoided it by going for an after school bevvie with my sudent, the caretaker and his wife). the student has now finished his practice, which unfortunatley now means i'll have o do some work again after half term.
In hte meantime, there are credit cards to be abused and bottles to be emptied...

Dont know why but could never take to R&C unusual for me coz i liked that kind of thing normally. Brother had a brilliant cat a few years ago runt of the litter and daft as a brush which is unusual for cats.
Used to wake me up in the morning to feed and let out, knew had no chance with brother third world war(no sorry mr president not today)
would have little response.
Completely agree about celery and now after your vivid description will never look on it again in the same light. Avoided Valentines Day successfully its the jokes yes its the tenth time you have said you were late because you could not get the door open, it wasnt particularly funny the first time.
Hope that you enjoy half term, poor you having to do some work, surely there must be some way out of it. Abusing credit cards is great have not back since obtaining one, i like the way they increase your limit at regular intervals
Just off to stop the war......i may be some time

Hope you averted war successfully. I would have joined in, but a) i have a temperature and am poorly; b) the house is minty and needs defleaing: c) can't be arsed. I did all my anti bomb etc marching in the 80's.
Not only is celery the devil's penis, yoghurt is the devil's semen and Kidney beans are Literally the devil's kidney's.
One of my cats used to wake me by biffing me on nose. I have obviusly built up resistance, because yesterday I awoke to find her putting her paw INSIDE MY MOUTH. It was like having a cat lollipop. ( definately not recommended).
cats are a stunning mix of genius and stupidity. My two fight like cat and cat. Ginger winger torments tabby by sitting by the cat flap on cold or wet days when shes gone out, secure in the knowledge that she is too scared to come back in and so must remain cld and wet until I rescue her. Plus I swear that Tabby snorts derisively whenever ginge enters the room. They are also very handy when making important decisions: whenever I have a choice between two options I play cat lottery, assigning a choice to each cat. whichever on enters the room first is the option I go with ( and I have to say, genarally they turn out to be BAD decsions. still, at least I have no one to blame but the cat).

Did my damn best if they wish to fight now let them get on with it, have taken innoculation well and got through customs ok from Ormskirk.
Sorry to hear of your illness, take some hot water with some whisky, if you get any worse feel free to cut down on the water.
I like somebody who has strong feelings for food cannot bear yoghurt, never have been able to, kidney beans should only be allowed in chillies, just thought perhaps you could script Nigellas next series would make it tons better.
Loved the idea of the cat lottery makes perfect sense to me, could make parliament run that way, the ginger cat has entered the house there goes any pay rise for this year. Our cat had its brother living next door and it was hard used to leave all the neighbourhood dogs with bloody noses, that was until our cat appeared and jumped on it, funny as our cat was frightened of own shadow. When our cat wanted to come back in used to paddle on front door, until it got desperatem then turned paw round and rapped on glass creating amazing sound.
Meant to say i completely agree with you about probe used to spend many hours in the Button St branch the new shop is no comparison and have rarely been in it.