h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

04.27.03 1:41

Today was a very strange day… I guess they were right by saying that you have to be careful whenever you are happy, because something bad will come soon. That’s exactly what happened. I’m sitting here, listening to the radio… life is miserable. It all started this morning when my dad decided that we have to go somewhere, although it was raining. So we went to the library to check in the books and then to the mall to buy watch, that we couldn’t find. Well, there were a lot of them only I didn’t like anything that we saw. On our way I bought “The life of Brian”, which I really wanted to see, too bad I don’t really have time to see it. Anyway, since it was still early and we didn’t want to go home, we decided to go to the 3D movie theater. It was a huge building and it was really weird inside. Because most of that building was occupied by the furniture store and in order to get to the cinema you have to walk through all that fancy furniture. There is a café in the corner and hallways were made as it is a small town. There were shows going on most of the time. It’s like a little world inside. The movie was great. I couldn’t even close my mouth because of an amusement. It was so real, people were reaching to the screen with their hands. It’s hard to describe, I thought it was one of the greatest things that happened to me. Actually I can count the happiest moments in my life:
1) The day I saw Grig for the first time (I remember that day, as if it happened yesterday)
2) The day when I went to MSU with my friends and we spent all evening playing snowballs, rolling in snow and looking at the sky.
3) The day I saw Grig in the window (it is more like a dream, so unreal)
4) The day I went to the amusement park and spent all day on the water slide
5) Today (at least I thought so several hours ago)
And then I came home and started to watch tv because I was a little tired and couldn’t do anything else. I was watching Forrest Gump (one of my favourite movies). It made me sad for some reason, and I cried a little. But the worst is going on now, when I’m sitting here and typing this stupid thing, that no one will ever read and of course it won’t help me with my problems. I miss Grig, every day “my mind is around you” (that’s weird, I started typing “every day” and the radio sang “every day my mind is around you”, but that was exactly what I thought. I wonder how much he changed during these three years… and what is he doing. He is probably just woke up and on his way to the University. He was the reason I started listening to Queen. Sometimes I hate him because of that, sometimes I hate Queen for just being Queen. For making me so miserable. But it’s not real hate, it’s just something… helplessness I guess. I hate wanting things… I don’t want be sad because I love someone I haven’t seen in three years and who didn’t really know me at all. Or because I can’t see Queen…. Those are things that I can’t change and it is so hard to let go….. why can’t I just stop somewhere, go on with my life…. Not looking back. I don’t want to live in the past. If only I could find that something that I’m looking for and live in peace, sleep like a normal person. Be as everyone else…. I want to find peace and stability. It would be so nice not to cry so often and enjoy life… be happy for a change…. =(

Hello.............,

Today was strange for me too.My wife and I were going to make a mad dash out of the city and burst into the countryside together free from work ,family ,parenting ....responsibility in other words....alas she's got a cold and it's rainy ,shit ,it's a torrential downpour ,so we didn't go .

So what does that all mean...people get cramped , grouchy and the stupidest things get blown out of all proportion....yet take a step back and you can see how human it all is.


So to you ,there you are a Russian in America.Is that right ? I'm in Australia ,and I am on the other side of the planet from you ,but what you write makes me want to connect with you.I want to tell you not to get caught up in the Western hype.It can be an advertising trap leading you to confuse the aquisition of things as a way of getting happiness .(small sigh )All you get is more stuff.


Talking of that movie , one of my most wonderful experiences was going to China in 1977 , hmm yes I am that old -sound of creaky bones in the distance -,and the group that I was with went to the cinema.It was an animated feature concerning the Buddist philosophy but the most amazing thing was the crowds reaction .To myself and my fellows animation was nothing special yet to the other patrons it was new and amazing and they all OOOOOHHHED and AAAAAGGGGGHHHEDDD.It was a real and an honest reaction of joy.I smile with quietly everytime I remember .This was their (unknowing) gift to me.


This is the reality of life, our human truth. The truth of you .The truth of me .

There are those we meet who stun us with the honesty they show .It is not an easy thing to do but something in their personality compells them to be real,earthy ,true.My wife is one such,an earlier girlfriend was also so gifted.I have been lucky to meet them.


Try not for sleep or want for outward signs of happiness ,try for this ....try to be you ,in all your glory and mediocrity , for you are all that.Embrace the uniqueness that you are.Strive for that honesty to realise what is real and worhtwhile....and don't give the bullshit a second thought,it's beneath you .Cry ,love , strive ,lose ,win ,hope ,fail ,smile , this is life and it is magnificent because of it.

To paraphrase a movie that you might have access to in the states,from "Parenthood" ,life is a rollercoaster ,enjoy the ride ,don't worry about it being unstable,confusing ,scary ,sad and so chock full of twists and turns,because that is the very heart and soul and joy of it.


America can be a strange and very un-real place,pat yourself on the back now and then for surviving for so long.As said in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, "be excellent to one another " and hey this extends to yourself.


All the best .......

I haven’t visited this site for a while… Thank you so much for a good advice! A lot of things happened since I left that note… there were several sad moments, a great loss and… today is one of the happiest days in my life… The person I love told me that he loves me too… so I guess it is true, there are black stripes in our lives and then… there are white… Thank you again!!!

Very Glad You Made It.