h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, no, no it's not badgers. It's this big fat mouse running my skirting boards. Someone jinxed me the other day. I'd not had any meeces all winter and then he asked me if I had. I said no, and now I have one

It's obviously a Bold Mouse, as I've got all the lights on and on its first evening here it's already done a couple of circuits of the room, plus now it's exploring the kitchen, making noise totally disproportionate to its size.

So tonight will be the first assault on the oatmeal and cornchips. I'll get to see if the cupboards in this house have holes in them. I'm trying to decide whether to go buy a trap or not I'm just really glad it's brown not white.



OK, so not that exciting really. Sorry.

Said Mouse has just dragged in a big, dead badger and hidden it behind the couch

Mighty Mouse... jeez...I'm frightened for you!

I know, it's a bit of a worry. I don't know what the dead badger is for, but luckily this isn't my house so if it goes bad it won't be my problem

How big is the big mouse?

I think that mouse is all bluff. I'm more worried now about the rats that have shifted in upstairs Plus the mouse has asked all its mates around and they're partying each night in the cupboard under the kitchen sink. The rats are all muscle and bovver, the mice all sneaky and subterfugery Can't wait until they meet

Can you scrounge up a cat from anywhere? Or failing that a terrier of some sort. Or failing that, some sort ofpossum with attitude?

Possums are vegetarian so I think they'd just join the party

I'm only staying here for a while so I getting a cat or terrier might be a bit ott.

OK then, just roar and throw things at them.

It's the dead badger I'm worried about.