h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So OK, we’re all into our third week of the New Year. All those resolutions you made are starting to seem like unnecessary inconveniences to your already insufferable life.

The credit card bills from your misguided festive generosity are hanging over your head like a Sword of Damocles, and the threadbare twine that supports it from your water stained ceiling is being nibbled at by a ghostly mouse.

Castor beans are simmering on the stove of those nice foreign people across the road from you; the ones whose accommodation, electricity, gas and food bills are being paid from your hard earned tax money. You don’t mind though, they’ve fled oppression in their home country, and they’re really getting the hang of flying those crop dusters, so they’re bound to find gainful employment sooner or later. They’re thoughtful enough to share their meagre resources with you too; bringing round funny tasting cakes for you to try, and they work on improving their English by asking you directions to the nearest nuclear power station.