h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now for the party on the proceeds......

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (CNN) -- A group campaigning to stop the New Zealand government selling off the country's air force strike capability has lost its case in the Court of Appeal.
The "Save Our Squadrons" group had argued that the decision last May to decommission the combat aircraft was unconstitutional because it went against legislation requiring New Zealand to have an armed air force, as well as an armed navy and army.

Now if we could get Bush to flog a few carrier groups, we could have wall to wall Guiness Breweries and war would be too far from the toilet.

Peace prize to me @rural delivery NZ please.

I refuse to believe you people have another more than a few plated canoes and the odd blowgun.

What business is it of yours to go around with armed aircraft? Stick to the taro and leave international diplomatic failure to the big boys. Jaysus, next you'll be doing the blitzkrieg on Antarctica. HELLO! THERE'S NOTHING THERE BUT ICE FLAVORED WITH PENGUIN PEE-PEE! HELLO!

Oh, have your air force, I don't care. They're probably just circa 1918 biplanes anyway. It's just unseemly to think that a bunch of natives, and you white guys with bad English accents have access to something that uses gun powder, never mind that you actually have and know how to use flying machines.

I deny this. It cannot be.

Look, tell me the punch line.

I looked at it, I reread it, I previewed it, and I still posted it saying "I refuse to believe you people have another more than a few plated canoes and the odd blowgun."

"Another"? "Anything" for Christ's sake, "anything". See, this is because of beer. It's always beer, always.

Look if we paddled a canoe over there, and sank a battleaxe into the pentagon computor, It would be Game, Set Match, and all the ice cream being delivered to the front would be ours.
Meanwhile the NZ Air Force has been sold, and I'm awaiting my share of the proceeds. I have some wizard investment ideas.

Yeah! It's not like air superiority has ever been important in battle conditions, is it? The Germans did without it in the last year of WW2, the Japanese too, and more recently, Iraq.

An Australian friend tells me that as soon as the New Zealanders learn to fly, they just rob the plane and fly to Australia to claim dole. Is that true?

Well we do what we can to raise the average IQ of our neighbour.And we don't need an Air Force to feel superior.
You must admit it's an interesting concept, I wonder what the Police Force would fetch?

Well if they're anything like the British police force, they could barely cope with fetching a stick.

So, now that you've explained the New Zealand Air Force (such as it is) to us, perchance you might tell us of the navy, etc.?

Exactly how many tug boats and lashed bathtubs make up the New Zealand armada? And what's this I've heard that three circa WW2 jeeps covered with rubber sponges are among the latest entries into "stealth" military vehicles?

With this sort of focus on military expenditures, are you sure that your humble nation is not planning on its own expansionary empire? I shiver with fear at the thought of your warriors charging full force, sticks pointed high, and mascara running, into a wall of the human/cyborg war machine known as American military might. Think of the American lives lost due to belly ruptures and wheezing fits once your forces are sighted.

I can't type anymore, I'm too upset thinking about casualties.

The growth industry in the Royal New Zealand Navy, is in the form of artificial reefs.
You sink your warship in a bay, then charge tourists huge amounts of money to dive on them.
We had a flash tanker/supply ship but it rolled like a pig, was always covered in vomit, and was chartered out and last heard of ferrying oranges off Greece.
We have a couple of ANZAC class frigates, which we had to buy off the Australians, these are protecting the Patagonian Toothfish from marauding Argentinian fishermen. The Americans won't play with us any more, since we enacted the nuclear free legislation, but to show there is no hard feelings we have sent one to the Arabian Gulf to help hunt down evil doers.
Our Army are proficient thieves, and were famous in the second World War for their ability to liberate jeeps,trucks, and breweries.
I would only worry if we became Allies.
Perish the thought.

Mind you our arms industry has been working flat out.

http://mailer.fsu.edu/~akirk/tanks/newzealand/newzealand.html