h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi!

I know that I am rather new to h2g2 but when i earlier wrote that i have alot of troubles i really meant it.

I have been physically and emotinally abused by my father and I have only reccently been telling my friends. Infact when i told Tishura she was really worried and told me to talk about it and she gave me a book and it said exactly the same thing.

That is the main reason why i joined h2g2...because i might get to talk to people who might be going through the same thing (if they can admitt to it) aswell as being able to speak freely about it without getting in to trouble.

I have been physically abused since i was four and i normally get bruises on my arm. I have had boxes, mugs, vases etc thrown at me...infact that was what got my father caught out. One of my school friends saw the marks by accident and told a teacher. I had to lie to the teacher, however, they phoned up my father and he got extremely mad. He beat me up really baddly and moved onto emotionall abuse.

I have an extreme 'victim mentality' and it is taking me along time to come to terms with the fact that it isn't my fault. I hate the emotionall abuse so much...it's worse then the beating I used to get. It is so extreme that i have been cutting myself (self mutilation I think it is called) for two years. I have tried to stop but everytime my father shouts about how useless I am to the fact where I am not allowed by the table to come and eat, I get so depressed that i get a kitchen knife and cut myself (when he is asleep). He doesn't hurt my sister or brother so i don't see it as a problem, and i won't tell an adult cause I don't want him to be taken away seeing as we recently lost my mother.

I have to admitt that I was so nervous about writing this up so people could see how messed up my life is...but i do feel better. If anyone might be going through the same thing please tell me!!!

Hi Jean Grey!

I am so proud of you...I don't know how hard that must have been to tell people, but I can only imagine...and you have faced your demons and must have been so hard to do!!!!

Give yourself a pat on the back...and go and get a hug and a kiss from your boyfriend.

I can only hope you enjoy christmas safetly and like the I gave you.

It's good your starting to talk about it more openly and it was a good idea to start an account at h2g2.

With the cutting yourself thing, its really not a good idea, I've done it before. For me it felt like I was releasing the evil that I'd done, for you it maybe different. I've realised since then that it really wasn't a good thing to do, I channeled my frustration into other things.

Anyway, I really hope things turn out well and have a great christmas, you deserve it.

When I first started cutting myself...I did it so that I could feel the pain my father was causing, and trying to let out all the emotional hurt out...so that it would stop lingering in my head. Then I did it because I was hoping that if I caused myself enough pain, he might stop. I know it's stupid...but I was hoping for something to happen. Then I just did it as a release. It released my stress, misery and things like that, it became a relief.

Now I realise it isn't right and I am trying to stop...but it is harder than I thought. The problem is that I need to go to sleep when I am upset otherwise I will go to the kitchen when everybody is asleep; but when I am upset or stressed I can't go to sleep.

So now it has become like clockwork...I get told off, i stay awake, I go downstairs and wake up with burning arms or legs.

The thing is my friends are really supportive and are trying to help me but they don't understand...they can only imagine...so they tell me off for hurting myself, which is sweet that they care but it doesn't help. It just reminds me of my father. I can't take a telling off, and noone seems to understand why...I get soo scared. Everytime a teacher raises their voice I just imagine my father. It's really hard to do or say anything, when your scared.

Jean is there a school nurse or counsellor you could go to talk too? The only way to stop this happening is for it to be brought out into the open. You could always try ringing childline or a womens aid refuge they would be very sympathetic and helpful. If you get desperate go to the local women's refuge...they will do what they can. I wish I could help more....but please tell someone- even your doctor- who can stop this happening.

I used to do family therapy and your father is using you as a scapegoat for all his grief ,anger and frustration. He is an adult and has to take responsibility for his actions...whilst he is behaving like this he is behaving like a child having tantrums.Every family that is dysfunctional has a scapegoat child that carries the blame for everything...family therapy tries to help the family see the problems lie not with the child but elsewhere ...usually with the parents.Your father will not be taken away nor your family split up if you report to someone what is happening to you. Your father will be given help to cope with his problems and you and your siblings will be given support.Please try and find the courage to go to someone for help.....I am very worried about you. TabsX

I want to be a Clinical psychologist when I'm older. But I haven't had any training. So I can't really help you. But stop cutting yourself.

Tank-you all for your concern...I am really touched, however, I said before that I didn't want any trouble. I love my family. Anyway, I am trying to stop the cutting...

...and 'The Anonymous Researcher' aren't you 'Phenix's' sibling?

Happy New Year!

Depends. Who's asking?

Never mind...

Any way...everyone...I have to report that I was tempted to go down stairs, but I didn't wake-up over the holidays with a cut body (except once, but that is a long story). I am so proud of myself!!!

well done

I am sorry to report that I am not as strong as I thought, in the weekend I got a telling off and found that I went and cut myself afterwards.

it's ok....you won't be able to stop all at once. Just give yourself a gold star for each day you get through without cutting yourself. What you are doing is both a cry for help and punishing yourself because you feel it is your fault. None of it is your fault..you don't ned to punish yourself. I don't have all the answers no one does ..all I can do is offer my support...you can always leave a message on my page if you need to let off steam or just talk to someone. One step at a time..you have done well so far but you will fall back some days...it'll get better and easier the more you try to not hurt yourself.

Thanks Tabitca that was really helpful and something more supportive than the stuff i have been getting.