h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am a very confused person. I think I may be religious - I always feel like there is some kind of will or destiny controlling my growth as a person, things always happen together to teach me lessons. Like people being cruel to me, or I see alot of suffering or beauty.
I feel really lonely, that I can't open up to my friends or family. Everyone in my life - friends and family has rejected me. My dad left twice, my friends ran away from me coz I was weird, my mom's old boyfriend who I used to love died. Now my mum - the one person who hasn't rejected me keeps saying stuff along the lines of "do the dishwasher or you can leave home", this makes me feel unwelcome. I keep having vivid and disturbing dreams, and a friend of my family recently killed himself by CO ~(carbon monoxide). The way he killed himself upset me especially because of the way he did it, not angry with life, where you'd use a knife. Not that he had a reason to die, just that he had no reason to live.
I am different to everyone else I know. I think differently, I am concerned with ethics, I think up alot of questions and I often behave erratically. I find it hard to focus and I'm sad quite often.
I really should get a boyfriend but the moment I see a boy I like I don't behave like myself, I go all twittery, like any other airhead.
I feel so confused. Did mum give me the sexually transmitted terminal illness called life because she loves me or hates me?