h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm now, officially, an ordained minister.

As an atheist, this makes me grin. But of course, it was done for a (good) reason. In a few months I will preside over the marriage of some friends. (possibly twice, but only once officially). I will be presiding as a minister of the Church of the Subgenius, unofficially, but ordained by the Universal Life Church officially.

I really didn't think I'd ever find a church I approved of until I looked up the ULC.

"Do only that which is right."

Well, that's close enough to Wheaton's law.

"Don't be a dick."

I approve.



Anyway, for a marriage, the only thing besides the signing, and registering of the papers that is required is the "statement of intent". In normal weddings this follows the form of "Do you solemnly take" blah blah blah...

I'll be following the form from the film *Joe vs. The Volcano*.
Tom Hanks' character has agreed to jump into the volcano. Meg Ryan's character asks him to marry her "for all of five minutes". Abe Vigoda, as the high priest of the island, marries them by saying this:

"Do you wanna marry him?"
"Yes."
"Do you wanna marry her?"
"Yes."

"You're married!"

By law, that constitutes the "statement of intent". I see little reason to drag it on beyond that. Both these folks have been unsatisfactorily and temporarily married before, so this time they've thought about it a bit more seriously... (maybe).

Hee hee, I like it!

What hoops did you have to jump through to become ordained?

The former Mrs Gosho is an ordained minister in the ULC, and I've often considered it myself. If I did, and if I ever did officiate at a marriage I'd love to do it in the manner of a comedy Church of England crusty old vicar, a la Alastair Sim in The Ruling Class (yes, I know he was a bishop), or... pretty much any actor who played a vicar in just about any 1960s or 70s British sitcom.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered today in the sight almighty Bob to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony...

Cool! Can me and EV renew our vows and have you presiding over the ceremony?

Vip, no hoops at all. It's an online ordainment. I just had to fill in a web form with my personal details: name, address, confirm that I'm over the age of 13.

http://www.themonastery.org

Wow, that is pretty short. And it does look interesting.

Well, today's the day! Wish me confidence and a good speaking voice.

To give you an idea of how this has gone so far, I began writing the ceremony about three weeks ago. I made a few minor adjustments this week. The bride and groom got their marriage license just 5 hours before the 72 hour deadline. Their wedding rings *should* have arrived by delivery yesterday. And as far as I know, neither have written their vows yet and the wedding is in less than 7 hours from now.

Oh, included a non-religious Handfasting ( A14286062 ) ceremony (see below for my version). I bought a nice, silken drapery tie-back cord and cut the tassel off and wrapped the ends leaving 1/2 inch frays at the tips. I'll tie a carrick bend as the "love knot".





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Handfasting

(The Officiant explains the significance of the handfasting ritual by saying
Have you ever wondered where the words "tying the knot" come from? The expression "tying the knot" refers to the traditional Celtic marriage ritual of Handfasting. Handfasting was recognized as a binding contract of marriage between a couple before weddings became a legal function of the government or a papal responsibility of the church. After the wedding vows and ring exchange, the couple's hands were bound together with a cord that was tied in a "love knot," signifying the joining of their lives in a sacred union. Today, Handfasting is a symbolic ceremony to honor a couple's desire for commitment to each other, and to acknowledge that their lives and their destinies are now bound together.




(The Officiant holds up the cord and addresses the couple with these words):
Please hold each other's hands, palms up (her hands resting in his), so you may see the blessing they are to you. Benjamin and Rebecca, this cord is a symbol of the life you have chosen to live together. Up until this moment you have been separate in thought, word, and deed. But as this cord is tied together, so shall your lives become intertwined. With this cord, I bind you to the vows that you have made to one another. With this knot, I tie you heart to heart, together as one.

(The Officiant wraps the cord loosely around the Bride's and Groom's wrists to tie a "love knot" and says): Benjamin and Rebecca, the knot of this binding is not bound by the cord, but rather, by your own vows of love. For, as always, you hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union. May this "love knot" always be a reminder of the binding together of your two hands, two hearts, and two souls into one. And so are you bound, each to each other, for all the days of your lives. (Cord may then be removed and placed on the altar (???) If no altar available the Officiant will give the cord to the Maid of Honor to hold until the ceremony is over.) Many couples choose to keep the "love knot" as a memento of their new union created that day.)

I hope it all goes swimmingly!

Well, it might, if I fall backward into the fountain.

Apparently, it did go swimmingly, without me taking a dive in the fountain.

I stumbled a bit at the very beginning, while having the father of the bride present his daughter, I lost my place but then I recovered, winged it, then went back to my script. Then I realized I was just two lines early.


But I recovered quickly and the rest of the ceremony went off well.

A few hours later, I stood at the bar (we held this wedding at my local British pub near the Gulf Coast of Texas) and looked across a happy group of folks and felt truly happy... for the first time in over a year. I'm not being proud, just very pleased that I played a role on a truly happy occasion.

I still have a grin on my face.

That soun fantastic, BG. Well done for being part of the magic. For creating
part of the magic!

with a little lump in my throat at post 7 those are beautiful words

I am so glad for your joyful day

Welp, that didn't last long.

Well, from one ULC minister to another, cheer up and tie, tie again.

Meh, I'm probably done.

It was fun... once.

I won't rule it out, but I'll have to be asked very nicely to do another one.

Well, that didn't last very long either.

Saturday I performed another wedding. However, I should note that it was one that is not recognized by the state of Texas under a specific state constitutional amendment against such marriages.

The couple was looking for a Celtic style wedding and when they mentioned a handfasting ( A14286062 ), I volunteered.

This post has been removed.

???

That looked like a spam from the Universal Life Church. It was full of their contact information, coming from this researcher U15001037

Ah. Well, that's unfortunate. They don't seem like the type to hire spammers, but it's more ubiquitous than we think.