h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Doctor!" Peri yelled as another energy bolt impacted against the hull of the war rocket, sending her eeling across the bridge.

"Hold on Peri!" the Doctor had to yell to make himself heard over the noise of grinding metal and exploding computers. The statement in itself was rather ironic as Peri was lying on the wall which had now become the floor whilst the Time Lord himself was dangling from a control console a good ten metres above her.

"Why's the bridge like this? I thought there was no up and down in space!"

"There isn't I can assure you Peri!" the Doctor replied, skilfully swinging across to a pipe on the wall and sliding down to stgand next to his companion,

"But the artificial gravity generator must have been hit and malfunctioned"

"Well you better figure out a way of getting back to the controls quickly"

"Why on Earth do you say that?"

"Because of that!" She wa spoitning up at the screen which was now showing the worrying fact that they were headed straight for the thruster exausts of the Martian flagship.

Suddenly their ship was pulled away from the path of the exhaust vents and into safety. "You did it!" Peri exclaimed. The Doctor looked doubtful. "I think not, look out there!" They looked out of the viewport to see a massive Rutan ship pulling them away

"Why have they saved us Doctor?" Peri asked, looking up into the Doctor's chiselled features,

"We're on board Raxaar's ship"

"So? We're not important, wouldn't they prefer us dead?"

"Ah, but they don't know that it's just us onboard do they? As far as they're concerned they've got the Martian leader in their clutches!"

"But why didn't they attack the flagship?"

"Maybe they thought that was a far to obvious target. Or, if they know anyhting of Martian culture, they know that an Ice Lord's ship is never used unless he is on board" Suddenly the com-unit buzzed into life and a voice hissed through the crackly line,

"This is Rutan warship to Martian vessel, come in, over"

The Doctor fumbled around with the controls. "Peri quick do your best Ice warrior voice!" he said extacicaly. Peri looked at hik as though he were insane.

"What!"

"Fine I'll do it." The Doctor activated the com system and did his best martian voice.

"This is martian vessel, we read you over."

"Surrender, you are our prisoner, you will be brought aboard our vessel, prepare for tractor beam." the Rutan voice hissed over the static.

A beam hit the ship and the rocket was dragged inside the rutan warship.

The ship came to a smooth rest and a series of holding clamps were attached to the hull.

"What do we do now Doctor?" Peri asked,

"Well firstly we have to get off the Rutan warship, then we have to get to the Martian flagship and stop them invading Earth"

"Just another day hey Doctor?"

"Quite" the Doctor nodded, "Now we must find somewhere to hide" "But where?" Peri asked. The Doctor turned and beamed enigmatically at her.

"Oh no" the American said in shocked realisation. The Doctor nodded and reached for the air vent grill.

Lord Raxaar watched carefully as the war rocket was pulled inside the rutan ship, it was definately his. He considered, according to his scans there was a galifreyan and a human on board. Obviously kelyar had failed in his task, he would have to be executed when he returned, if he returned.

Xinal stepped up behind him. "Raxaar!" he said in his basso voice. Raxaar twisted around shocked. "Destroy that ship!" he boomed.

"But my lord, the time lord is with them."

"I dont care open fire!" Xinal shouted.

"As you wish my lord." Raxaar said and he nodded at the warrior in the control pit below him.

The Doctor and Peri watched in trepidation as two Rutans entered the brideg of the warrocket and proceeded to search for them,

"Do you think they'll look in here?" Peri asked the Doctor anxiously,

"I should think so" the Doctor answered. Peri stared at him in horror, "Well, they're not stupid you know Peri"

"Then what was the point of hiding in here?" she asked the Time Lord

"Well..." the Doctor's face wrinkled into a frown, "oh dear... I seem to have forgotten. But I'm sure it was terribly ingenious, whatever it was" Before Peri could reply the entire craft rocked with a series of deafening bangs.

The Doctor and Peri tumbledout of the shaft and crashed to the floor in front of the Rutans.

"You will accompany us!" one of them said.

"Very well, I have nothing better to do." The Doctor mused. The Rutans began to shove them out of the rocket. "So where are we going?" The Doctor asked.

"Our Captain would like a word with you!" one of the Rutans said.

"Splendid," the Doctor murmered, "Just splendid..."

"The blast did not destroy the alien craft my Lord" the Martian gunner announced with more than audible nerves in his voice,

"Well fire again!" Xinal and Raxaar burst out at the same moment. The gunner did as intended and a hundred sonic blasts shot through space towards the Ruatn ship.

----

The Rutans were leading the Doctor and Peri down the ramp of the war rocket when the shot hit. Everything happened at once. One of the walls caved in with a series of deafening crashes, the Doctor pushed aside the Rutan guard, grabbed Peri's wrist and pulled her up the ramp, back into the ship.

The Doctor and Peri scrambled inside the rocket pulling the door shut behind them as more explosions rocked the ship.

"Time to leave again!" he said pulling some levers. The war rocket shot out of the Rutan ship but was immediately swallowe up by the martian battleship. The Rocket crashed into the hangar of the ship just in time for them to see the Rutan ship explode under intense fire.

A cool white gas spilled from vents in the hangar walls, putting out the fires on the warrocket. Special teams of Ice Warriors cut holes in the rocket's sides.

----

On the bridge the Doctor picked himself up from a mass of wires and cables.

"Peri" he called, instantly putting a hand to his head to relieve the sickening the lurching he felt.

"Doctor..." came the feeble reply from behind a control panel. The Time Lord pulled hismelf across to the terminal and tunred Peri over onto her back, there was cut down her forehead and she had slipped into unconsiousness.

When the Doctor awoke he fund himself strapped to some kind a machine with a large globe above hishead that pulsed with energy, he stared around the room finaly meeting the gaze of Raxaar and Xinal who stood in front of him looking at the machinery.

"Welcome back." Raxaar hissed.

"You talk too much Raxaar begin the experiment!" Xinal roared. Raxaar frowned behind his back and pulled a lever as the light bean to pulse faster the Doctor felt a terrible pain grow throughout his body