h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Since i am prevented from posting on my Journal Space Eye thread (): maybe this might get through.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxazepam

I am severely depressed, which really isn't "normal" for me; i get down, like anyone, in response to yukky life events, but in general, i find a way of handling it. But i can't right now. The last time i felt like this (ie: utterly incapable of influencing my own life, sleeping around 14 out of 24 hours, eating virtually nothing, crying constantly, rejecting any type of social contact)....was when i was prescribed Xanax (for anxiety) & Prozac (for depression)....it ended in bloodshed. (I hope i am allowed to say that?)

Previously i was on beta-blockers (Atenolol 100 mg): they apparently aggravate asthma; so when i was hospitalised with a severe asthma attack, they immediately stopped them (i had been previously told it's very dangerous to do this); put me on a Valium drip, forbade me to smoke & told me to reduce drinking. And prescribed Seresta; which is the French equivalent of the above; 100 mg per day. On Wiki it says they don't even Make 50 mg tabs of this stuff!

OK, life events: Been (effectively) dumped by the BF i have supported in just about every way possible for 3 yrs: most folks would feel down about this.

Usual money probs, but less than usual because of (mostly) quitting smoking; however, Winter fuel bills outweigh this. I am frozen constantly, thus spend as long as possible in bed, saving on fuel & food (& no doubt aided nicely by the above drugs)....but this means i get no daylight, so can't do anything creative or useful, without using expensive artificial light/heat.

Absolutely NOBODY in RL to discuss all this with; the Social Worker is on holiday, S & L have their own probs, Viking is a waste of skin (yes, Az, i finally agree)& Yoda does her best but is none too fluent when discussing complex stuff. I phoned a helpline, she just kept saying "oh, i am so sorry, aren't you strong?"

And now it seems i'm not allowed to discuss any of this on the Eye thread. I would like to know just exactly which sin(s) i am supposed to have comitted; so that i might avoid repeating them if i get to do the "Karma" thing & be reborn please!

zdt*this breaks NO House Rules; so if it gets yikesed, at least i know it's a poor ikkle spiteful lurker, not my fault!*

Oh bloody hell.

I think that comment covers all issues.

All I can offer is someone else to vent at - if that's any use.

Thanks Ivan.

Very few people take me seriously; there is no way i would subject friends (online or RL) to silly stuff: i,am just simply sick to death of struggling on alone & my main concern is that Yoda is OK.
I've been through too many deaths, the animal ones were much much worse than the humans; honestly; there is a limit to grief stuff. I am lucky, i have no human family left now;no RL friends who would even notice if i wasn't round. But Yoda is my responsibility; my comfort, my true friend & basically the reason i
keep carrying on carrying on.

http://www.catsofaustralia.com/cat-euthanasia.htm

I Googled & found this Australian site, it seems to balance sensible practical stuff with the inevitable emotional side (which wouldn't have happened if "they" had let me carry on just getting on with it, having a cig & & drink & sighing...but nope, you are supposed to "confront thse things"; Jah, Jah, jolly bloody good; ;someone here 214 hrs to pass tissues & cook soup?)

Do you know anything about this bunch of humane (hah! there'es a joke word!) of Aussie vets?

The other thing is: anybody want a really nice Fender acoustic/electric bass? It's a darling; it has a very soppy twangy tone & stays in tune nicely; the "E" whinges when it's cold, but it's only sulking, two turns & a course of psychotherapy & it's fine!

Free: but you pay postage or collect.

zdt

Nope, I've never heard of 'catsofaustralia'.

In the short term, all I can think of is your local nuns. Can they do Nothing to help?

Hmm: in practical terms re: Yoda, i doubt it. There is a nice old couple who live at the hospice, who feed stray cats in the area, but under hospice rules, they are not allowed "actual" pets. I can understand this, allergies, mess, phobias etc in institutions, plus obviously by definition, these are elderly sick people, the less hassle to sort out when they "move on" the easier for the carers.

I really can't do much until my Social Worker gets back, this country has Ways of Going About things: aka: Bureaucracy, they invented it.

In "cat" years, Yoda is around the same age as me (and has been a passive smoker: totally my fault!): people generally want cute tiny kittens, not wheezy, fussy, affectionate, demanding, noisy old things who are starting to go grey....we are very alike!

Anyway, i'm cutting back on these psychomeds; having had the tests to show liver & lungs, whilst not happy, are still functional; i think personally if booze & cigs keep me more sane i will take my chances with long term rot. One of the side effects of those tranx is hyper-sensitivity to cold, plus Major Depression!!!!!!!!!!

I just Don't Do Crying Helplessly stuff; there seems very little point for starters, if you are on your own, nobody is gonna actually do anything to help are they? I think on balance, an angry, wheezy, possibly slightly drunk zendevil is a better bet than a zonked & weepy one.

I dare not say more, or i might get yikesed again. Email me if you would like more details of how i'm *really* feeling.

Right now, i think i shall make a long black green & silver candle. Heating the wax will keep me warm.

zdt

And I still haven't managed to email you. I will, though. It'll be the weekend soon and I'll be able to get organised to some degree.