h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There's a good boy.

Careful !!!

Pah! Or what? Besides, patronising manners are qualities a Duke of my description should have.

I agree. Such stores should have a small bar or at least a keg on tap. It could only serve to boost sales, since any man sufficiently intoxicated will think that his lady-friend will look attractive no matter what crazy piece of cloth she's wearing.

Oh, and ESPN would be nice too.

It's even worse than that. Any man IN HIS RIGHT MIND would say she looks beautiful. Not that anything you ever say or do will seem plausible to her, but if you're intoxicated at the same time, she will have even bigger problems believing you...
This is due to the fact that when a relationship crosses some mysterious, undefined line, she is overwhelemed by an immediate urge to suddenly complicate EVERYTHING. So all of a sudden you're cute gargling in your sleep becomes earstunning noise that she could sue you for, the sweet little belly of yours becomes a house built by all that stupid beer and all your answers to the question "how do I look" becomes the starting point of a seemingly never ending lecture on your expertise in "How to hurt your mate to the core".

F - "You never talk about your innermost feelings. All you ever talk about is sex, pizza and sports!"

M - "But honey, those ARE my innermost feelings!"

I'm sensing a lot of negativity in this forum...

*Sid rolls his sleaves up*

Yeh...and what about the

F- I shouldn't have to tell you, if you loved me, you would know what I wanted.

M- But I...I...thought it was what you wanted, it's what you said you wanted!

Vibe, you're wrong. Nothing of the kind. We are merely helping each other to interperate thesubtle hints of danger in our loved ones behaviour and speech. Thus we are enabled to create more full relationships, you see.

...And don't have to wear protective cups when we sleep.

Yes, there's that too.

I won't ask what you put in your cups?

See recent "dunking" developments in Carry On 2000 for the answer to that one.

BTW Sid, that's the second time you & the Duke have tried to post at the same time. What, are you giving each other piggy-back rides?

Sir, Your futile innuendos are unworthy. It's a mere co-inkydink, as the fellow said. Besides, I am in another forum about to thrash Sid within an inch of his life with a horsewhip, so it's not all jolly and merry. Is it, Sid?

Your pardon, good sir. As I see, the innuendo was wholly unwarranted on my part. Pray, continue your horsewhipping of Master Kidney.

I shall, of course, proceed along the lines of your suggestion. If you care to witness this act of humanity, transport yourself to http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=27368&thread=30693

Hurrah! A good old-fashioned bit of public flagellation. Will you be serving cocktails?