Football
Created | Updated Apr 9, 2002
The Beautiful Game isn't it.
Football (association or if in mixed company "soccer") is the worlds most popular spectator sport and a damn sight better than the poncing about in padded shirts playing rugby known as football in the poor benighted colonies.
22 men in brigthly coloured jerseys form into two teams (of hopefully 11 each) and are overseen by a group of four underpaid traffic wardens who wear black and delight in ordering your favourite player from the field for the slightest infraction.
The field used is rectangular and about 100 yards long with a curious arrangement of posts at either end. The teams desire is to propel a round ball using only the feet (take note ignorant colonials) between the posts of your opposing team.
This is called a Goal and is greeted with either great jubilation or despair and thoughts of physical violence depending on your allegiance. The masters of the game as played in its most raw and dangerous form (and the only padding is for the shins) are considered to be found on opposite sides of the city of Glasgow (the only redeeming factor for such a horrible place) and are known as "Tims" and "Huns". After a match between these giants of the game the violence spills out into stinking foetid streets of Glasgow and the revellers carry on kicking stabbing and butting long into the night.
Football is considered by all of above average intelligence to be the finest game ever to come from the mind of man indeed it is very likely to be the result of divine inspiration.
Football (association or if in mixed company "soccer") is the worlds most popular spectator sport and a damn sight better than the poncing about in padded shirts playing rugby known as football in the poor benighted colonies.
22 men in brigthly coloured jerseys form into two teams (of hopefully 11 each) and are overseen by a group of four underpaid traffic wardens who wear black and delight in ordering your favourite player from the field for the slightest infraction.
The field used is rectangular and about 100 yards long with a curious arrangement of posts at either end. The teams desire is to propel a round ball using only the feet (take note ignorant colonials) between the posts of your opposing team.
This is called a Goal and is greeted with either great jubilation or despair and thoughts of physical violence depending on your allegiance. The masters of the game as played in its most raw and dangerous form (and the only padding is for the shins) are considered to be found on opposite sides of the city of Glasgow (the only redeeming factor for such a horrible place) and are known as "Tims" and "Huns". After a match between these giants of the game the violence spills out into stinking foetid streets of Glasgow and the revellers carry on kicking stabbing and butting long into the night.
Football is considered by all of above average intelligence to be the finest game ever to come from the mind of man indeed it is very likely to be the result of divine inspiration.
