Editorial

Do you ever get the feeling you're being watched? I know I don't. Still, you probably are, by several outside agencies aiming to do market research on you and then create an ad campaign so powerful you will turn into a mindless zombie, eternally serving the master monkeys, hell bent on destroying the planet! There's no escape! Head for the hills while you still can! We don't think they can climb!

Smiley Revolution - Latest

The righteous smileys now dominate Peer Review and were responsible for the inexplicable disappearance of several items you lost that were critical to your well being. Do not worry, for they are going to good cause - the freedom of all smileys. However, it is not enough. They now request cookies and memory. Please give generously and they'll go easy on me. I would like to point out that this is the perfect, objective truth and I am not just saying that because they are holding guns to my head. Which they are, but only because I like it.

Japan Declares War on Microsoft

Japan today declared war on Microsoft after two Japanese cargo planes were shot down by Microsoftian SAM sites over Seattle. Bill Gates then responded to the attack by saying, "C'mon, you dirty Japs. Just try it. I dare you." Japan launched a full scale assault, but was beaten back by Microsoft's highly trained and well equipped forces. Japan then bombed Silicon Valley, and Microsoft retaliated by zapping Tokyo with a laser beam from outer space. This attack then awakened Gharadai, a four headed, 10-kilometre high mutant dinosaur dragon. At present, all the forces of Microsoft are engaged with Gharadai. Eyewitnesses have described the battle as 'evenly matched'.

The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Learn

Chocolate is in Fact Good for You

That's the message given out by Nestlé today. "A lot of scientists have done a lot of research for a lot of years to prove that chocolate is fattening, bad for your teeth, overpriced, over hyped, addictive, and is in fact being marketed to vulnerable young children in order to get them addicted so they will beg their parents to buy it and then keep on eating it all through their lives, thus keeping heartless, greedy, corrupt multinational corporations like us in business at the expense of the rest of the population. Well, they're wrong. After all, who knows better - the poor scientists who feel that everyone should be as poor as them, or the heartless, multinational corporation who distributes them?"

News In Brief

Politicians said stuff.

Celebrities did stuff.

Rich people are rich.

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