Liff at Alsop

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This page features Liff-isms written by members of the Alsop School mailing list.

Alt. means that there are alternative definitions for this word, either here on h2g2 or in the original Meaning of Liff books.


Grenoside (n.Alt) The deliberate extermination of the miniscule pieces of nasal excreta left dangling from a moustache after a good nose blow.
(Milce and Pritchard)

Strontian (n.Alt) A mental disease which affects the memory of anything before 1993. Common amongst Man Utd supporters.
(John Milce)


From Mousecatcher;-

Croik (n.Alt) A fresh watercourse in Birmingham inundated by saltwater at each high tide.

Strontian (n.Alt) One of a race of giant women in Greek mythology who wore too much perfume.

Quoyloo (n.) Arctic nomad's shelter constructed out of blocks of frozen Soy Sauce.

Quatt (n.) One of four and a half siblings of the same birth.

Grenoside (n.Alt) Forced extinction of an entire race or species by the use of hand thrown explosive shells.

Harnage (n.) Mayhem caused by laughing too much.

Kelynack (n.) Sister of the fabled Irish giants Paddywack and Nicknack.

Larbert (n.) Lemonade crystals flavoured with rendered animal fat.

Maybole (n.) A ceremonial wash basin for Morris Dancer's to soak their feet in.

Mulben (n.) A Scottish headland with a mountain on it.

Wooburn (n.) An oriental multi-fuel stove.

Watermillock (n.) An aquatic salad plant that looks stupid.

Snodland (n.) Enid Blyton's theme park.

Sots Hole (n.) Legendary place where paralytic drunks spent last night but can never remember anything about it the next morning.

From Ian Prichard;-

Kerridge (n.) A curried meal comprising smoked fish, rice, and hardboiled eggs often eaten on board trains.

Kettleshulme (n.) A mechanical device which is somehow supposed to reduce the time it takes for water to reach boiling point.

Rainow (n.) A person particularly adept at forecasting precipitation.

Pott Shrigley (n.Alt) An ancient peasants' drink made by grinding earthworms and beetles into a fine paste and mixing with crudely fermented alcohol.


Croik (n.Alt) Mating call of a Sloane Square frog.
(Ken Harcombe)

Bollington (n.) An anecdote greeted with disbelief.
(Gordon Butler)


Another nice batch from Mousecatcher:-

Abbeycwmhir: (int) a interjection of concern or warning originating in the Welsh Hills. A parental ‘call to heel’ when a small child ventures near a precipice or place of danger. More often heard nowdays in Welsh urban centres near dangerous traffic or in overcrowded shopping malls.

Babbacombe: (n) a soft bristled hairbrush for newborns, essential component of NHS ’bounty box’ given to expectant mothers at their final antenatal class.

Corby: (n) singular, a merchandised toy, representing a character in a children’s television series “The Corbies”. Marketed at children with parents who are easily impressed.

Cockermouth: (n) medical condition brought about by blowing a whistle too hard. A type of repetitive strain injury suffered by competing owners at gun-dog field trials.

Cofton Hackett: (n) a non-alcoholic linctus and nicotine based cocktail drink for reluctant but bronchial ex-smokers. Also available in lozenge form.

Dewsbury: (n) a rude noise make by exhaling forcefully through pursed lips. Originated as a sign of disapproval amongst audiences in Yorkshire working men’s clubs.

Eastry: (a) a feeling of overwhelming excitement at the prospect of having eggs for tea.

Ffestiniog: (n) discomfort, event nausea brought about by eating too much bread and jam at a Welsh street party.

Gembling: (n) a wager/game, using only the Diamonds suit from a pack of playing cards

Havant: (n) Denial, a 40 day period of denial observed by Coptic Christians in the Eastern Mediterranean.

Jesmond: (n) slang, a Geordie Rastafanarian.

Keevil: (n) a minute parasitic beetle found in motorcycle stuntmen’s leather suits.

Leargybreck: (n) an oat based food supplement for people with self diagnosed illnesses.

Mancetter: (n) a hybrid, human-hunting dog cross.

Nappa: (n) Internet website for downloading free of charge recordings of lullabies and bed time stories.

Occold: (n) common viral infection primarily transmitted by infected witches and warlocks.

Pinvin: (n) a small amount of wine given regularly by French husbands to their wives in lieu of spending money.

Quarff: (v) to simultaneously guffaw, burp and swallow ale.

Rhiwbina: (n) Welsh champagne.

Selattyn: (n) generic name for rolls of adhesive metal tape used for temporarily repairing holes in car exhausts.

Talskiddy: (n) a stain usually found on a vest.

Windhoek: (n) a nautical implement used by becalmed yachtsmen to catch any available breeze.

Winnipeg: (n) talisman or good luck charm usually in the form of a tiny wooden bear, traditionally carved by gypsy womenfolk and sold door to door.

From Carl H;-

Croik - a medical condition endemic in Australasia, similar to indigestion. Caused by consumption of copious amounts of under-cooked meats, mainly amphibian, and the imbibing of large amounts of indigenous plonk during a "barbie"; laughingly dismissed as being a tourist affliction only.

Strontian - a brand of flimsy material used to encase the nuclear cores of Russian submarines. Formerly, its widespread use in the packaging of oat-based cereals, energising drinks and self-cooking meals were rife -until the price of tin-foil became widely accepted as a safer, recyclable and non-radioactive commodity.

Quoyloo - a shy bird with fragile territorial instincts. Easily startled by encroachment of the opposite sex, which results in giggling followed by emissions of noxious, volatile sprays in an attempt to suffocate the ardent pursuer.

Quatt - a cheap brand of ineffective weed-killer invented by Ivor Diddly that soon fell into widespread disrepute. Hence, "Diddly's Quatt" evolved into a different use, far removed from the inventor's original ideals.

Grenoside - the oxidised mucous trails found on the garment sleeves of bronchitics and street urchins.

Harnage - an illegal tax for the use of public pathways in remote areas of Cumbria, the Yorkshire Dales, the Highlands of Scotland, Outer Hebrides, Inner Hebrides and Glasgow city centre after chucking out time.

Kelynack - a colleen's secret pocket for storing short remnants of wool, coloured cotton and the wishbones from Sunday roasts.

Larbert - the proud owner of an apparently, priceless family heirloom with undeniable historical provenance, which expert estimation finds to be totally worthless, faked and mass-produced. Often stamped in Mandarin, "Made in China - the country, fool, not the material".

Maybole - (pron. may-boh-lee) A stock-broker that talks up shares and firmly adheres to the adage - "Sell in May and run away!".

Mulben - an acronym of MULti-BENeficial when applied to phrases coined by social workers, employers and politicians to confuse and delude, such as: "Your children won't notice the difference now they're in safe hands", or declaring, "Downsizing is for the good of all employees" and, "Instead of every 4 weeks, we will even pay out your benefits bi-monthly".

Wooburn - the frustration suffered by letharios when thwarted in their attempts to be invited in for a coffee.

Watermillock - a legendary creature responsible for oars spontaneously jumping out of the rollocks.

Snodland - the safety margin/clearance between a bungee jumper's head and the ground below.

Sots Hole - the indentation a nail clipping makes in the soles of one's foot while walking on a friend's carpet.


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