Neds
Created | Updated Aug 8, 2003
We all know some. You may not call them Neds - Townies is another name commonly attributed to them - but they exist everywhere. Neds are those kids who dont like school; they dont go as often as possible, and when they do, they spend their time in the back of the classroom, messing about, disrupting the lesson for everyone.
Neds can usually be differeciated from the rest of the population by what they wear, their speech, and, if they are over 13, the amount of children they have. They wear desinger labels all the time; it is their uniform. If they are not walking around advertising hoardings of all the top labels, they they are usually not Neds. They all smoke, having usually started after birth.
All Ned males(Im usuing this term loosely) have shaved heads, and, usually one stud earring. They are also extremely homophobic, in fact, they seem to think that calling someone, or something that they dont like "gay" is they way to go. Mind you, Neds have a vocabulary of slightly less words than your average shellfish, so its not all that surprising. If you so much as insinuate that one may be homosexual, they immediately attempt to beat you up(and invariably fail miserably, since they tend to be weaklings). Such behaviour leads me to deduce that they are extremely repressed, and do not embrace their true sexuality. This is backed up by their facade of "being hard"
Neds Females(again, im using this term loosely) are usually bleach-blondes. They usually wear sour expressionsm and far too much make-up. Also, they all seem to wear gaudy gold oval-hoop earrings. The term "slut" doesnt begin to describe how loose most of these girls are. They also do not understand the concept of "contraception", hence Neds are the fastest growing section of the community.
Neds do not have much of a vocabulary, as stated above, but they can be identified by those words that they do use. Examples of such words are 'fannybaws'. 'booyaka-sha', 'trimid' and such. They also aspire to copy black culture, albiet very badly. For example, the phrase 'booyaka-sha' have been put forward to translate as "Death to white people" in one African dialect. They also listen to pop and garage music, which, to my ears, is inexcusable.
I believe that the reason Neds behave the way they do is because aspire to anything, and they recognise this face. Most Neds would be lucky to be employed by McDonalds, which is where most of then eke out a pitful wage, which is wasted on cigarettes and either alcopops, cider, or bad lager. This realisation is also the source of their anger and frustration, which is what leads them to injute those cleverer or better than themselves.
Unfortunately, as stated above, due o their complete lack of understanding of the concept of contraception, Neds are the fastest growing section of the population. Its is also a well-known fact that thet children end up as images of their parents, hence, the Neds are breeding more Neds, and so on, in an ever-increasing downward spiral - the proportion of Neds in te population is growing exponiently, with no sign of slowing. And it is little wonder that their offspring end up as they do. Their parents beat, threaten, and swear at them, as well as giving them no encouragement to do well in life. As much, they have no hopes or aspirations other than where the next cigarette is coming from, and end up as templates of their parents; bitter, angry, frustrated and stupid. This new generation of Neds start breeding from the age of 13, and so will their children, and their children, and so on.
Is there a solution to this ever-growing Ned epidemic? Although it may not solve the problem, I feel that complete world-wide banning of Garage, ad Pop music, aswell as designer labels and tobacco would atleast serve to make me feel better. Also, some form of from-birth contraception, that can only be reversed when the parents-to-be meet a set of criteria, would also help stem the flow, althogh that will not happen so long as we do not live in an (Outwardly) 'Big Brother' state. Neds are a nuisance. In the wild, nuisances are culled to keep their numbers in check. Unfortunately, a large cull of Neds is not an option. The only way we can atleast hope to stem the tide of Neds is to not come one ourselves, and to teach our children how to do something with their lives. To let our children fall into Nedism is to ruin their lives.
Neds can usually be differeciated from the rest of the population by what they wear, their speech, and, if they are over 13, the amount of children they have. They wear desinger labels all the time; it is their uniform. If they are not walking around advertising hoardings of all the top labels, they they are usually not Neds. They all smoke, having usually started after birth.
All Ned males(Im usuing this term loosely) have shaved heads, and, usually one stud earring. They are also extremely homophobic, in fact, they seem to think that calling someone, or something that they dont like "gay" is they way to go. Mind you, Neds have a vocabulary of slightly less words than your average shellfish, so its not all that surprising. If you so much as insinuate that one may be homosexual, they immediately attempt to beat you up(and invariably fail miserably, since they tend to be weaklings). Such behaviour leads me to deduce that they are extremely repressed, and do not embrace their true sexuality. This is backed up by their facade of "being hard"
Neds Females(again, im using this term loosely) are usually bleach-blondes. They usually wear sour expressionsm and far too much make-up. Also, they all seem to wear gaudy gold oval-hoop earrings. The term "slut" doesnt begin to describe how loose most of these girls are. They also do not understand the concept of "contraception", hence Neds are the fastest growing section of the community.
Neds do not have much of a vocabulary, as stated above, but they can be identified by those words that they do use. Examples of such words are 'fannybaws'. 'booyaka-sha', 'trimid' and such. They also aspire to copy black culture, albiet very badly. For example, the phrase 'booyaka-sha' have been put forward to translate as "Death to white people" in one African dialect. They also listen to pop and garage music, which, to my ears, is inexcusable.
I believe that the reason Neds behave the way they do is because aspire to anything, and they recognise this face. Most Neds would be lucky to be employed by McDonalds, which is where most of then eke out a pitful wage, which is wasted on cigarettes and either alcopops, cider, or bad lager. This realisation is also the source of their anger and frustration, which is what leads them to injute those cleverer or better than themselves.
Unfortunately, as stated above, due o their complete lack of understanding of the concept of contraception, Neds are the fastest growing section of the population. Its is also a well-known fact that thet children end up as images of their parents, hence, the Neds are breeding more Neds, and so on, in an ever-increasing downward spiral - the proportion of Neds in te population is growing exponiently, with no sign of slowing. And it is little wonder that their offspring end up as they do. Their parents beat, threaten, and swear at them, as well as giving them no encouragement to do well in life. As much, they have no hopes or aspirations other than where the next cigarette is coming from, and end up as templates of their parents; bitter, angry, frustrated and stupid. This new generation of Neds start breeding from the age of 13, and so will their children, and their children, and so on.
Is there a solution to this ever-growing Ned epidemic? Although it may not solve the problem, I feel that complete world-wide banning of Garage, ad Pop music, aswell as designer labels and tobacco would atleast serve to make me feel better. Also, some form of from-birth contraception, that can only be reversed when the parents-to-be meet a set of criteria, would also help stem the flow, althogh that will not happen so long as we do not live in an (Outwardly) 'Big Brother' state. Neds are a nuisance. In the wild, nuisances are culled to keep their numbers in check. Unfortunately, a large cull of Neds is not an option. The only way we can atleast hope to stem the tide of Neds is to not come one ourselves, and to teach our children how to do something with their lives. To let our children fall into Nedism is to ruin their lives.
