The Spork: An Archaeological Perspective

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I am here to dispel the common myth that the plastic utensil commonly called the Spork is a modern invention of what is sometimes called the classical fast-food era. Archaeologists have long been uncovering predecessors to the modern spork in sites throughout the Minnesota region of the United States. A number of these early artefacts date to the early 20th century. Carbon dating has placed some of the artefacts as far back as 1890 (+or-250 years). In this pre fast-food era quite often we see them referenced to as the salad spoon. Usually quite large as compared to their modern day ancestor, their main purpose was to help people toss their salads; this was usually accompanied with its sister utensil, the large salad fork. (This is not to be mistaken for the much smaller salad fork that is used by the consumer to consume their salad.) The large salad fork and spoon together would gleefully toss the hardiest of Caesar or garden salads into a delightfully well-proportioned mixture ready of the happy salad connoisseur to consume.

Human Ingenuity or Alien Intervention?

As to crediting the origins of the spork this researcher will not comment on it at this time. There are some in the forum who say that this is the highest achievement of the modern classical fast-food era while there are others, who have an equally strong argument, which say that the idea was brought to humans through alien or extraterrestrial intervention. Human or alien arguments aside, we can not proceed with a logical and constructive development of the spork hypothesis and uncover the entire evolutionary history of the spork until we have toughly gone through thousands of garbage pits throughout the world or even the galaxy. Only through years of painstaking research will the truth actually be known about the origins of the spork.

An Appeal for Sanity

As stated earlier most of the archaeological evidence that this researcher has been able to uncover has been in the southern Minnesota region of the United States of America. With the heavy European heritage of the region I feel that there may also be strong evidence of early ancestors of the spork in the archives of museums and households throughout Germany and England. I propose that some government agency somewhere who is in charge of spending lots of money on silly ideas (i.e. the Ministry of Silly Ideas) give me a large sum of money to further investigate the origins of the modern day spork. With a large research grant and year's supply of Gin and Tonic (lemons included) I know I can come up with a truly long final report. I can even guarantee at least 100 pages (quality will cost extra).

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