For years I've been asked "What's your problem?" and have had nothing better to say than "I dunno" or "I'm not sure how to pronounce it". But today I was overjoyed to discover what my problem is. The problem is that "I dunno" I never make decisions. I'm to bloody apathetic. Now I know that some people have known this for some time, or have just met me and quickly realized it as my major character flaw (you know who you are). I too have know for a long time that I'm bad at making decisions, but I never realized the full problem in this until today.
My discovery and understanding came from the question that has for sometime been plaguing me. That is "What am I going to do with my life?" or predominately "What am I gonna do in college?" And as usually the answer was I don't know. Not a big surprise. But for some reason I decided today that I should figure out what I want to do. In order to figure out who I wanted to be I needed to know who I am. Depressingly I came to the realization that I didn't know that either. That came deeply disturbing to me, so I spent most of the day trying to figure out why I didn't know. After sometime I figured it out. A person is defined by their beliefs, thoughts, and actions. For a long time I've just been going along with what everyone else thought and felt about things with out standing up for my own beliefs. I've just been going with the flow. Trying to make everyone around me happy. Now I understand that not everyone is going to be happy and my lack of self-expression wasn't going to make the world a better place.
For a long time I've felt like something was missing or was wrong in my life. Like there was always something I was forgetting to do. (which there probably is, but that's beside the point) Now i know that the thing missing in my life was my own confidence in my self and my personal ideas. My individuality. It came to my mind that nothing great comes from indifference. In fact, nothing at all comes from indifference. It's a great thing to have realized and i thank my friends for forcing me to make some decisions and telling me I need to stand up for my self. So thank you Katie and Chaucey, you've had a great impact on me.