Calculator
Created | Updated Mar 30, 2002
Calculator (n.) … (1) a device to produce (incorrect) numerical results, (2) a religious icon, (3) a machine which allows mathematics teachers to pretend that more of their students are able to do mathematics.
Originally intended as a labour saving device to allow people to quickly and easily perform simple calculations, the concept was hijacked by engineers. The result was that the machines quickly became so complex that a small book had to be sold with each calculator just to explain (very badly) how to use it (see: computer manuals and/or legal torture). In many cases the book is larger than the calculator.
Sometimes referred to as a "plastic brain", the calculator's answers are blindly accepted by students with a faith that would be envied by any religious order. Teachers who suggest to students that they should check the calculator's answer are usually regarded as somewhat strange and are talked about behind their back by their students.
Having assigned a patron saint of computers, rumours have been reported that the Pope is being petitioned to form a new order of monks who will worship God by performing totally pointless calculations without pause. A report that the new order of monks would be sponsored by Hewlett Packard has been vigorously denied by a company spokesman. "We have better uses for our money.", said the spokesman, "Our current project to calculate the nine billion names of God is nearing completion and we are expecting a final print out in time for the new millennium."
A new type of calculator now available can draw graphs, thus ensuring that the latest generation of students not only have new and interesting ways to make mistakes but that they have even larger manuals to try to learn.
Originally intended as a labour saving device to allow people to quickly and easily perform simple calculations, the concept was hijacked by engineers. The result was that the machines quickly became so complex that a small book had to be sold with each calculator just to explain (very badly) how to use it (see: computer manuals and/or legal torture). In many cases the book is larger than the calculator.
Sometimes referred to as a "plastic brain", the calculator's answers are blindly accepted by students with a faith that would be envied by any religious order. Teachers who suggest to students that they should check the calculator's answer are usually regarded as somewhat strange and are talked about behind their back by their students.
Having assigned a patron saint of computers, rumours have been reported that the Pope is being petitioned to form a new order of monks who will worship God by performing totally pointless calculations without pause. A report that the new order of monks would be sponsored by Hewlett Packard has been vigorously denied by a company spokesman. "We have better uses for our money.", said the spokesman, "Our current project to calculate the nine billion names of God is nearing completion and we are expecting a final print out in time for the new millennium."
A new type of calculator now available can draw graphs, thus ensuring that the latest generation of students not only have new and interesting ways to make mistakes but that they have even larger manuals to try to learn.
