The Planet Skaro - Holidays for the Foolish

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The Planet Skaro1

It is fair to say that holidays on the Planet Skaro are not the best in the Galaxy. First of all, the planet was destroyed over ten years ago, so it is no longer in any of the brochures, but if you manage to get there before it's destruction you will probably regret it.

The Wildlife

The main problem is the climate. Since the end of the hostilities between the two local groups, the Thals and the Kaleds, the surface of Skaro has been what the brochures described as "the perfect place to get away from all the hassles of civilisation and soak in some rays", but most normal people describe as " a desolate radioactive waste ground, devoid of life, with only a few petrified forests". These forests are worth seeing, if only for the rare Lilyon philadelphicum or Magneton. Sadly, these are all dead.

A good place to spot wildlife is the Lake of Mutations. Here you can see terrifying monsters, such as the two-headed Terrorkons, who will probably make a nice meal of you. This is a little known spot, as most visitors get eaten by the Terrorkons.

Local Politics

The Thals

Another problem is the Natives. The Thals were the only proper survivors of the neutron war, and have inbred to their present state. Fortunately, Skaroine inbreeding creates tall blondes, with a sparce idea of fashion, especially the females. Imagine Pamela Anderson in a tabard, and you've got the general idea. These are a peaceful people, who don't like fighting, but will hit you if you touch the women, so watch it! The Thals can be found on the continent of Darren, and there are no airports, spaceports or roads.

The Daleks

Then there are the Daleks. These are the rulers of the planet, mutated beings descended from the Kaleds forced to live in dustbin-like war machines of death. Although they may appear to have sink plungers and egg whisks for arms, do not mock them, as the egg whisk is actually a projected energy weapon, capable of firing a blast of supercharged plasma at long range. Despite their lack of legs, they can follow you up stairs, but will probably shout "EXTERMINATE" at you eight times before trying to shoot you. If they choose not to shoot you, you will probably be forced to carry baskets of rocks for the rest of your life, for no apparent reason, as this is the usual means of entertainment for Daleks.

If you really want to wind them up, wear a long stripy scarf, mention the TARDIS a lot and tell everyone you meet that you are called "The Doctor". It really annoys the Daleks. However, despite the fact the Doctor, or "Ka Faraq Gatri", as he is known in the native tongue, is the sworn enemy of the Daleks, they will not kill you, but they will torture your friends, so take people you don't like if you try this.

The Daleks live in the city of Dalazar, a large metal city on a plain near the lake of mutations, and is accessible by the tunnel round the back, or through the front door, but expect security to be tight, and the tour rep to be exterminated.

What to take and How to get there

If you still wish to go, remember to have your radiation sickness drugs packed, as well as a plastic cape and a sonic screwdriver. The cheapest flights to Skaro are anything from 50 Altairian dollars to Free, but many space flights do end up on Skaro, usually against their will, as the Daleks will often shoot them down, or use their Magnatron, to get more prisoners.2

The Spaced Out Guide Menu System

1As featured in the TV series Doctor Who2All the above based on information gathered from various sources about the Outer Space Robot People from BBC Televisions "Doctor Who"

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