h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Vegiman, well done article! The part that always worries me is when the gnats all hover in a giant gnat-cloud about three feet above me, just waiting for me to take my eyes off them so they can strike. Even worse is when the gnat-cloud floats around at mouth level, and you walk right through the cloud as you are taking a giant breath of air.

Thanks

May the gnats dissapear from your air spsce. vegiman

I put the right glasses on
May The gnats disappear from your air space.

Thats better vegiman

Midges are far worse. Many has been the time that I've hiked to some fabulously beautiful, isolated spot in western Scotland or Ireland, pitched camp, and settled down to enjoy the sun go slowly down over the mountains or sea.
Alas I am seldom allowed to enjoy this privilege. Within fifteen minutes, every midge within a twenty mile radius descends upon me in a fog that must resemble London in the pre-coal burning ban days.
I beleive that they all home in on your pheremones.
No amount of moskill, woodsmoke, lemongrass lotion or any other so-called midge repellant can keep them at bay.They then proceed to whirl tornado-like about my person, attempting to enter my body via my eyes, ears, nostrils and mouth and biting me ferociously.
After about a minuit and a half of this my sanity feels in danger of breaking down altogether. I retreat to my tent, zipping up the mosquito screen to escape the onslaught.
....No such luck. These minute visions of hell have attatched themselves to my clothes, filling all my pockets, and have colonised my hair. There is nothing to be done but let them feed on me all night and emerge in the morning resembling a biblical plague victim.
As to what they are, perhaps Dr. Frankenstein and count dracula have teamed up and created a species of nano-vampires, hell bent on draining humanity of their precious fluids...

Funnily enough, my first submission for an entry was gonna be on the subject of midges. Never mind. I like yours and hope it gets accepted.

Thanks The man in the shack
You have a way with words yourself and it looks as if you have written your piece on midges here. Thanks again.
Dropped in on your Ambient Poetry and driopped a few disorganised letters on it. Sorry if it makes sense. vegiman