h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*wanders out of gents toilet, adjusting flies. Looks up, notices audience, blushes then coughs*

“Ahem, good evening honoured guests of the Amfoot Trivia Questions - Hall of Fame. I would like to personally thank each of you for coming here, and I hope that the landlord’s hospitality has been appreciated.

This evening is indeed a very special evening for all of us. I personally have for many weeks dreamed of the day when we would be able to establish such a shrine to the souls who play the trivia quiz at its highest level.

It is great honour that tonight we accept our first inductee to the ATQHoF. This is a young man of great knowledge, and a young man of great heart. He has suffered the traumas of the Dolphins in 1993 and 2002, he has given his all to American Football in Britain, and he has endured living in Bristol. But it is his achievements and rapid answering in the trivia quiz that bring us here tonight to celebrate. I give you Fiedlers Fizzle …”

*looks out into audience but can't see FF. Shakes head and mutters. Begins to panic*

"I, er, give you Fiedlers Fizzle"

*turns and gesticulates at hall lackey to go find him*

"Er ladies and gentlemen of the Hall. I must apologise Mr Fizzle appears to have been delayed somewhat. Please partake in a , , or of your choosing in the meantime."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologise to you all. It appears the FiedlersFizzle has been uncontrovertibly delayed and so we will have to postpone tonight's proceedings. Please feel free to continue enjoying the hospitality"

.... sorry (looks sheepish)... am I late?

I, um... have a speech and.... erm, stuff... I wrote it myself....

Just to explain, I was all ready to go, sat with refreshments, speech and trivia questions on the bed that serves as my computer chair, and what happens... I cannot get onto any website!! Including this one.. In fact, I've had no access all weekend (apart from AOL's set stuff which is utter pants!!)...

Unfortunately, my PC likes to do this from time to time (I'm presently at work on a more reliable PC)... If you wanna re-arrange then just let me know... or I can just do the necessary in work...

PS - anything happen in the world of NFL over the weekend? I haven't been able to access the usual websites (Humph!!)

FF

... have I been inducted yet?

"Here to give a few words to the Hall is the man himself ... I give you Fiedlers Fizzle" ...

*gestures frantically at FF to come up to the podium and give speech*

(splutters sandwich at this unexpected turn of events and makes way to podium...) right, speech... hang on a minute! I just need to fish it out of my 'very deep' pockets...

Thank you, thank you... (pauses until applause abates)

Well, erm... not done many speeches before... I guess I have a lot of people to thank, without whom I would not have achieved such lofty aspirations as the Trivia Hall of Fame! So, erm... thanks... you know who you all are... I expect.

Well, I guess it all started in 1986 when I read Ken Thomas' Channel 4 American Football Annual, featuring the 1985 season and the Bears year of dominance... Wavering a little, I finally began, as a fresh faced 14 year old, to watch games in 1987... during the players strike!! Kyle Mackey was the first ever Dolphin QB I witnessed... still, it was during... (blah, blah, blah, blah).... and she said, 'but Vicar, that's where we keep the artichokes!!!........ (pause to allow laughter to subside..)

Well, that's enough from me. I guess I'll gather up my lorry load of refernce material and my anorak and continue to do what I do best... sad isn't it?

Oh well, maybe there's a forthcoming fantasy American Football programme in need of their own 'statto'.

I thank you all again for being here.

"Thank-you FF. A deeply moving speech that I'm sure will bring a tear to the eyes of one, or even two, of us ...

And now I ask you to present us with your first football-related trivia question for future exhibition at the Hall"

... is this supposed to be a Fins Q?

"And your second question?"

"Mr Fizzle ... we still await your presentations"

(coughs!)... ... presentations?

Sorry! I've been languishing at the back making the most of the complementary drinks (hic)... what have I gotta do now?

"You were about to present your three football-related trivia questions for exhibition at the Hall."

Right... first Q then... and a Miami related one to boot..

There is only one team Miami have played and never beaten... who are they?

"Could it be the Baltimore Ravens?"

So you don't remember Ray Lewis taking his frustration out Ricky Williams in a losing cause last year then?

"No. It's probably the Panthers in that case."

No... but close

"Jacksonville Jaguars?"