There is one word in the human language that can make or break a relationship, and when included with another two it can seriously damage everybody's health. The test of a good relationship lies in those words...I Love You. There are many contexts this word can be taken but here's the low-down on the most important signs to watch out for.

1. The three second wonder
2. The gift
3. Reciprocation
4. Denied
5. The runner
6. The One

THE THREE SECOND WONDER is possibly the most disturbing of the six moments where the words "I love you" can be used and the one that should be taken the lightest. Yes gentlemen the pre-orgasmic declaration is just not good enough.

THE GIFT is not the one were you've left yourself open after months of hints for the perfect time to be told "I love you", this is for the gents, if you give your girlfriends a gift and she replies immediately by telling you she loves you, you may as well get the receipt out now. When a woman tells a man "I love you" after receiving a gift it really means, "why in gods name did you buy this for! It's revolting! But I can't tell you that or I'll hurt your feelings...HELP!" There's no getting away from it, women hate to tell their men "I hate it" as in the mind of a man this is tantamount to saying "I hate you."

Although RECIPROCATION of your declaration of love is good it can merely be meant in the faintest of manners. If your relationship isn't meant to be and he doesn't know how to get out, he'll merely say it as a time saver, to prevent awkward arguments and situations by merely reiterating the sentiment.

DENIED love is the most embarrassing. When you have laid your feelings on the table as though they were nothing vaguely important, the last thing you want is the person to (a) say nothing, (b) dodge the comment or (c) tell you to piss off. This kind of reaction is the type, which will of course leave you weeping over the mere mention of his name, dialling 1471 constantly and gaining 20 lbs.

THE RUNNER although painful this is the most common reaction. You say the three words and he runs a mile. The runner will either dump you for a "younger model", leaving the country or simply stops calling.

THE ONE is literally the one. If he says the three words first - with feeling - and you don't want to run a mile, you have found the perfect man. At that point in your life HANG ON TO HIM for as long as you possibly can as it is certainly a rarity!

Summing love up...

I don't want to lose her

I don't want to hurt her

I don't want to lose her

And her is you


I don't want to use her

I don't want to abuse her

I don't want to miss her

And her is you


I don't want to hurt her

I don't want to need her

I don't want to need her

And her is you


I don't want to lose her

I don't want to break her

I want to love her
The Mull Historical Society 'Her is You'