Note: this was originally written in American English. I have attempted to place the appropriate British English terminology wherever I felt it was needed... Please forgive any errors or mis-interpretations. Also, there may be some content here that some people might find to their dislike...

the biggest problems with being a bloke:

being male in a society oriented to alcohol-drinking testosterone-enraged sex maniacs who have to get some sports something in every few minutes of their lives is one of the worst parts of life.

PROBLEM: STEREOTYPES

the stereotypical (American) male is a sports fan. (I cannot claim that of any British men, as I have known very few) he only thinks about beer and sex and sports and cars. give him a pint, a good looking bird who is a little easy, a sporting event with his favorite team, and a smooth car that makes him proud to be a man and he will be happy for life.

I AM NOT A STEREOTYPICAL MALE, mostly. i can not stand the taste of any lager or cider out there (tried them - tastes like fermented moggie's urine); i HATE sports (explained in a moment); i don't get what the big deal is with hot cars: to me a porche is ugly as hell and too small; and i have found that many of the hot birds out there are either taken, dirty sluts (on the game), too aloof to care about any average bloke with over-sized hands ;^P or just too stupid to bother trying anything with, not to mention the ones who are all makeup hiding ugly, nasty, scruffy faces with sagging globs of fat hanging from the wrong places on their surgically modified bodies.

as for the sports hating: that actually stems from not having any superior male in my youth to expose me to the potential entertainment sports may provide. added to the times when relatives interrupted my favorite shows by clicking over to a sporting event (on the telly), i was well taught that sports are evil. most of the times the clicking happened, it was right at the best part of a scene in what i was watching. I AM A MAN AND I HATE SPORTS!

as far as women go, i am a male, so i do find many members of the opposite sex attractive, and i do like to look, but i do it in a way that i am sure it will not offend or be noticed so much. humans are meant to be attracted to each other, thus we are here, and i just enjoy every opportunity of life with minimal reservations that i have set for myself.

PROBLEM: THE PLAYBOY (magazine) SYNDROME

being male involves a certain amount of testosterone, it is true. being male, i do have exposure to the adult industries out there and really don't like what most of it puts out as sexy. to me, playboy is no more a porn magazine than rolling stone or sports illustrated's swimsuit issue. i could see more flesh in a walmart ad.
the most annoying problem with adult ads and materials is the concentration placed upon everything taken in the bum. (xoandre has edited out the content of the rest of this paragraph to comply with the HOUSE RULES, however you may click here if you wish to view the full MATURE version...)

PROBLEM: SILICONE VALLEYS

another thing that annoys me is the belief that a woman's breasts should be huge. when i see a bird with a large chest, i feel attraction, lust, pity, and revulsion toward her all at once. attraction and lust toward the cleavage potential, as all heterosexual men tend to admire. pity because whatever a woman is born with or without, it all causes some suffering in one way or another. i think any woman with an endowed bosom is both lucky as well as cursed. first of all, she is lucky because finding a man to live her life with seems to be an easy thing (for many). on the other hand, there is the back pain that can occur from the heavy loads of fat tissue in a woman's breasts. then there is the gawking of males around her, all trying to see what she looks like or get a glimpse of nipple. also, there is the unforgettable sag that occurs around the age of thirty and they just keep falling. thus the miracle bra allows her to preserve the youthful look, although any man who is "stuck" with her might acquire a revulsion toward the gravity-stricken mounds that he once found so appealing. for the smaller women, it is the pain of self-delusion that she is not appealing, that she needs a larger chest to attract a man. these women have not met the right men yet.

ATTENTION MEN bra "cup" size definition - numbers-letters:

- - the number is the circumference of the chest cavity, averaging from 32 inches to 44 inches (81 to 107 centimeters)

- - the letter is the flesh of the breast, A being smallest, measuring up to DD standard for the largest; anything larger is way too big for any man to handle, not to mention the back pain the woman would suffer from such heavyweights.

- - imagine strapping two heavy bowling balls to your chest, with all the weight on your neck and spine, and lugging them around every day of your life. now imagine having them bounce around and every man looking at you like you are a hamburger to be eaten.

i prefer a woman who is natural, with a breast size that she is happy with that will cause minimal suffering for her back. something that i can wrap my hands around is about right. now, you should know that i do have large hands (base of wrist to tip of middle finger = 9 inches (23 centimeters)) and that i am not obsessed with small breasts or flat chests. that's all i am going to say on that... i truly pity the single women who have already fallen (or should i pity the men?), for those who have the desire to be with a man have to use bras, corsets, and other undergarments so that their body will fit the standard for eye-candy-ness. once a woman gets that man, who is expecting her to look as good - if not better - when nude, she has to remove all the "supports" to get into bed with him, thus revealing her true shape and possibly ruining any chance at intimacy or procreation.

ENTER COSMETIC SURGERY!
the wonder of man-made flesh. nip here, tuck there, liposuction, breast augmentation... it all makes me sick to my stomach. any human being, male or female, who cannot keep themselves in reasonable shape or who is so uncomfortable as to have a total stranger slice their bodies apart and sew them together again (for cosmetic purposes) no longer classifies as human. finding a beautiful mate, then finding out that they had implants or removal of bad parts is so revolting, i am going to shut up here!

Again, please forgive any errors or mis-interpretations.