Overview

We all have friends in one form or another and we do have some sort of built in meter that gauges how we measure how important one friend is compared to another. Most people will put their friends into two categories: friends and best friends. I tend to split these categories down further into the following, although I do think that associates are not really friends in the true sense. They are relevant to what we are going to look at.

Associates

Friendship usually develops after meeting someone for the first time, but this is not necessarily always the case. People may meet at work or at a club and so on, but they just stay familiar with each other and don’t really pursue any sort of relationship. Polite conversation is primary here and conversation usually centres on current events but nothing really personal. Associates are usually people you work or study with and friendship usually develops afterwards once you get to know each other and discover common interests etc.

Generic friends

Most people have these. These are people that are more than associates, you share interests with them and you go to activities together. You only reveal what you feel is necessary to reveal, but you develop a bond that indicates that you are comfortable with them.

True friends

This is the best type of friendship and very hard to forge with someone. You have to be careful because they may turn out to be false friends. True friends respect each other, show a sustained interest in each other, and feel good around each other. Have some if not a lot of strong interests and beliefs that they both share. They may have been through some major events together or have given much help in times of need. True friendship take time, can’t be rushed and maybe take a large portion of energy ( making more time for them and giving them a high priority in life ), but this does not have to be the case. When you have indications that you have this sort of friend/s, then look after them because they don’t come along very often.

False friends

Some may call these types ‘users’. They indicate that they like you, agree with you and want to know you. As soon as they are away from you they may tell others your personal information, secrets and that they don't like you for some reason/s. Some may find that they take an interest in you to get into your social circle, to get to someone you know through you but are not interested in you in any way. They seem to bother with you only when it suits them. Good indicators of this are when they may suddenly spend a lot of time with you and then you find out that they have no-one else to bother with. They then avoid contact with you once their friends return - those they consider to be their true friends. The worst part of this is that they may spread lies and are maybe jealous of you or something you have achieved. Many may want to see you hurt for a large number of reasons, but one example does relate to jealousy as discussed earlier. Users can be given another class, but I tend to view them as false friends. I think everyone has experienced or will experience this quite often over the course of a lifetime.

Making new friends and how to avoid potential misery

There is no one strategy for making friends. It depends on your personality, your current status or situation, your location and so on. This may be obvious to many of us, but let’s investigate one method that can be used as a guide and you can flesh it out to suit your needs. There are three main stages as discussed above:

Stage 1: Associate Level

The best way to make new friends is via clubs, activities, work and through others. Be very careful at this stage and try not to reveal your life story all at once. You will find that initially when meeting someone for the first time you reveal basic facts about yourself and then build on that over time. Revealing everything at once will overload them and this leaves nothing left to explore, they won’t want to know you for long this way. Keep some mysteries open and let them find out what they want to find out ( and what you are comfortable with of course ). Once you find out their interests, try and relate to some of them ( especially common interests ). This will usually lead to the next stage very quickly once some common ground is covered.

Stage 2: Generic Level

The initial execution of this stage is paramount, because rushing in head first will only destroy what you have built up in stage 1. Firstly, build on the common interests or those that you wish to explore with your new friend/s. Achieve this by attending events together or joining a club and get some laughs in there to lighten the mood. A good sense of humour works wonders with people, makes you feel good and is a quality that I think is essential in friendships. Try and keep personal problems to yourself and to those who are close to you otherwise these problems will lower the atmosphere and may have a negative effect, which you want to avoid. If this stage is successful you will have developed a bond with your new friend/s which is easily recognisable. Some of the indicators of such a bond are feeling good around each other and wanting to meet up and do things regularly. Make sure that you keep an eye out for the false indicators discussed in false friends.

Stage 3: Developing friends into true friends

The most difficult stage and the most time consuming. You can’t force any of these stages to occur; they tend to happen by themselves but just by being careful and analytical does help to filter out potential problems and dangers. I don’t really know what to say here except that you go by your gut feelings on this one. True friends will tend listen to any problems you have and offer support, but I wouldn’t unload all your emotional cargo on to them ( that’s what counsellors are for ! ). Even with true friends you have to be very careful with what you share. I think we all have very personal items of information that we all store in a safe place in our minds, just don’t give anyone the key.

Other Researcher's views on friends

Below are some links to other guide entries that I have chosen for you to explore. We all have had different experiences, but you will notice some similarities between them and what I have written above.

Finding Old Friends - I like this entry and I can really relate to this in many ways.

Online Friends - A very useful and well-written piece. If you are interested in forging relationships online I would read this entry first because it contains a very accurate discription of what to expect.

United Friends of H2G2 Space - Want to make friends with other researchers here ? This is the best place to start.

Friends - Some good points here. . .

Friends - . . . and here too.

Further entries on friends can be found by searching H2G2.