h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am sorry - I logged on to this in the mistaken belief that I would find a serious historical examination of origins and methods of the freedom fighters of the Balkan regions. Aren't the KLF the Kosovan Liberation Front?

Yours in deepest respect
Bob

Shhhh, don't tell everybody! You've blown their cover now. Don't be surprised if you find a dead sheep in your bed.

Oh was that was it was?

But didn't we....?

yes!

I have this strange feeling of deja vu...

Before this gets to the point where I have to rush out to Dillons and by the Complete Dynasty in order to keep up with you I am going to return this to the point of the conversation.

Why are you obsessed with the KLA and Serbian Death Squads and how come you know so much about the KLF?

Good questions. Let me consider them. I'm not obsessed with the Kosovan Liberation Army, they were an attempt at topical humour (it might not have been particularly humorous, but it was certainly topical, well it was a few months ago).

The KLF, on the other hand, is probably more dangerous. They were the first band to make a record entirely out of samples of other records, you know. If it wasn't for them, Puff Daddy would have to mumble incoherently over a backing track of his own instead of stealing someone else's. Okay, that's not really something to be proud of, but doing Top Of The Pops dressed as giant ice cream cones deserves some recognition.

No the KLA gags were very funny - they made me laugh out loud at which point it was discovered I was not doing any work.

On the KLF front - indeed respect is due. I can never work out what Puff Daddy is saying he just seems to grunt and groan a lot and then throw in a couple of "yeahs". Hardly Ivor Novello award material.

Ah, good... good that you found them funny, that is, not good that you were discovered to be slacking.

The more I hear Puff Daddy, the more I become convinced that I'm in the wrong job. If only I had the nerve to just stand on a stage mumbling over someone else's records, I could be a millionaire too.

Ahhhh but would you be happy?

Yes, extremely! Obviously I'd only do it until I had enough money to retire, and to get substantial plastic surgery so no-one would recognise me and kick my head in for making such crap records.

So you could live with prostituting yourself as an artist?

I'd claim to be doing it ironically.

arrhhhh I see - so what would you appear on TOTP dressed as?

Something conceptual, I think, like poverty or hunger. Or maybe a huge fluffy pink rabbit.

What would your dressing room demands be? And would you make a pass at Jayne Middlemiss?

If your intrested, I happen to have a large fluffy rabbit suit in my loft!
Unfortunatly though, its white and not pink

oh go on EV I would love to see you dressed up as a bunny!

I'm sorry, I really wanted pink... it's a statement against the oppression of the political pressure group, the Pink Rabbits of Botswana. See, you've probably never heard of them due to government censorship. I might even have a go at persuading Jayne Middlemiss to join me in my crusade for their politcal freedom... as long as it's not Gail Porter presenting that week.

Incidentally, Sidney, hope you don't mind me asking, but...... why have you got a fluffy rabbit suit in your loft?